In a beautiful green valley
Where wild flowers grow
Comes the first blanketing of winter's snow
The clouds up above float luxuriously by
As I lay and stare at the wondrous sky
I can hear the wind whisper through the trees
And smell the crisp air in the gentle breeze
I cannot touch or feel
The feeling is slightly surreal
I cast my eyes down
To see what lays ahead
It is then that I realize that I am dead
My body is draped in a long black dress
My skin is absolutely colourless
It's a frightening feeling I must confess
I can hear the priest saying a few kind words
And in the background the beautiful harmony of birds
Sniffles and sobs reach my ears
I guess I didn't make it to my golden years
My eyes survey the group gathered round
A tear in the eye of each could be found
It is then that I see my only boy
And my love for him shines with so much joy
Suddenly a sadness fills me where once I was glad
As I realize I will never again kiss that sweet lad
He's saying goodbye
And I must too
I just don't know if I have the strength to do
A soft voice calls to me from above
"Come home my child", it says with love
"Come home and be free, Come and live with me"
I yearn to drift into that heavenly grace
But I can't bear the look on my child's lonely face
I drift just a little above
And turn to look back with sadness and love
Be good my son, be happy and carefree
Don't cry or remain sad, think of me and be glad
I will be waiting for you at heaven's gate
There I will sit and patiently wait
And when your work here is done
I will welcome you home
Then you and I will never be alone
I know that he can't hear the words in my head
For I know I am really and truly dead
A gentle hand touches my arm
I know that it is time to go
And so I walk toward the heavenly glow
Leaving no footprints in the brand new snow
Author notes
Written March 8th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Death and the Light at the End by Oleander.
1000 points, ended December 14, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Death Contest... by SchizoChic.
600 points, ended August 9, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Great work here...
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this is an amazing poem and i'm only about half way through it, so i'm gonna go up and finish it. but i'm super impressed so far!
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brill
This was wow! how do i emm i have no idea where to start!
This poem had it all both sadness anf also gave a but of relevedness as well or maybe that was just me.
you are truly wonderfull with your words!
you made this poem both intense and enjoyable to read i like it
Great write
Laura
xxx
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As always with your work, you are a wonderful storyteller.
As always with your work, you use some very imaginative, powerfully emotive imagery to a great effect, and creatae a strong rhythm.
If I hadn't read any of your other work, I must say that it probably would have placed, but being as I have, it missed out. It was by no means atall a badly written piece; I just didn't feel it as much as your other work.
Still, on the whole, an excellently written poem, nice job
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Wow! This is such a beautiful and sad write. It brought tears to my eyes. You truly deserved that Gold Trophy for such a brilliant write. Congratulations on your win and keep up the great work!
Allen0826 -
this was a wonderful poem..a bit sad...and then the ending stanza was beautiful...nice job.... peace..shzoosy
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Wonderfully sad, but an inspiring revelation of the inevatible
consequences of birth. Skillfully crafted, significant, and easy to read,no small acheivement. Great Job!` -
Feeling, then death
I could feel the wind on my skin, then I realized you were dead....wow. You are so awesome.
Kirk -
cool poem it rocks hard metal and stuff well, good luck in my contest!!!!
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I look forward the day when I also can "look down and what lies ahead" casting off my earthly bonds to go home to the Lord's palace
I see this more as moment of celebration, not sadness Joe -
Outstanding!!!
This was amazing and I really enjoyed this write from you. You did a great job portraying what it may look like from the eyes of the dead as they depart, as it displayed many emotions from the first though of relizing they were dead to the picturing of loved ones near by and not being able to say good bye one last time. Very good and I only spotted one thing that I would maybe change and that is in the last stanza, in the second line. I feel that it would read better saying "Don't cry or remain sad, be glad and think of me" because it will roll off the tongue a little easier with the line above it. Just a thought, but all in all it was really good and I thank you for sharing such a wonderful write. Gary
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Fabulous imagery, excellent flow and an absolutely fantastic read. Great job! It seems to me traditional with a slight hint of modern and I love it!
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WOW
Wow just WOW. This is so amazing. Sad but with hope. Just beautiful! Your words flow and ebb and create such emotion. You are very talented. I really enjoyed reading it. So original. Well done. Thank you for sharing. Jeannie D
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I like the smoothness of this piece... it flows perfectly. The imaging was great as well. Thank you for sharing the power of your pen
Melanie
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Smooth and beautifully crafted. Best of luck to you.
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WOW..... damn bro... that was awesome. i couldnt tell you how many times ive had a dream that went somewhere along those lines.... i really like this. keep up the good work.
Andrew -
a very gripping piece...sad yet wonderful. very good job. you have a way of pulling out the emotion...Gitaryzt
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whoa, a vivid, extremely well-written poem
i love the way you use your words
to come up with a wonderful poem.
i enjoyed reading your poem. -
whoa soo amzing!! i love it... great write and kep it up!!! i do seriously love it!!
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Ok, now this is sad...yet enlightening! Its a brilliant overture of passing on from this life! Brilliant work.
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What a great first entry to my contest, i'm impressed!
In the first stanza you paint a very vivid picture, one can really imagine oneself being in that green valley. And you have definitely helped to allay my doubts about allowing prewrites.
Thanks for entering!
-Aphrodite -
This is really good..and sad This poem had intense emotion Beautiful piece so cool great poem I enjoyed this piece
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This is an awesome poem. If it was me I wouldn't want to see what people were going through over me. I'd rather not think at all. But that is me. Keep up the awesome poetry!!!
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I really like the fact that you have used slightly old-fashioned and poetic language with a modern bluntness and style. Now, i don't mean 'blunt' as in a lack of gracefulness or subtlety, i simply admire the lack of word mincing! Tear jerking tale and smooth imagery. I liked this very much. Thankyou for your comments on my poetry. Cupcrazy is a really cool name, how did you come up with that!?! all the best,
fay............... -
I like the idea of white snow meeting us in death. And the biblical allusion of the footprints was very nice. This was an interesting perspective and I liked how you brought the idea of the snow together with death. I enjoyed reading this.
~KS -
A very interesting perspective. I would have loved to find out what she had died from as it seems to hint that she was rather young still. Throughly enjoyable great job
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Aww. how soft and sweet this was .. I love the smoothness and flow of your poem. Great write good luck Pj's
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Wow, this is a creative and really neat perspective. Nicely written, and sad. I really found it enthrawling and captivating through every word. Nice flow, too. Beautiful piece, indeed!
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