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This Cat and Mouse Life!

The victim just a poor little mouse
Living invisibly within the house
The prospective captor an instinctive feline
Whose inherent desire is merely to dine

Dusk falls into the night so calm
The vermin appears unaware of the harm
Or the piercing eyes watching every move
This feline, alert, with a point to prove

Precociously stalking for the kill
Tentative steps taken at will
The catch is well within sight
Crouching motionless it has to be right

The mouse raises high onto its back feet
Its ears perk up, the heart misses a beat
There’s a scent in the air, a danger around
Time to get out, go back underground

Feline intuition kicks into the game
The reward in sight is up for the claim
The backside wiggles at just the right pace
Ready to claim first prize in this race

Into the air full flight gained at speed
The kill seconds off, time to finish the deed
But alas as the usual ending prevails
That feline too slow and again she fails


 

Author notes

Ok.. give me an honest opinion here since its not my usual daft stuff !
ITS NOT MEANT TO BE FUNNY???
Written March 8th, 2006

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Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • Medea
    March 12, 2006
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    I think the ! in the title makes it seem like the poem will be funny, but it's not. It tells a story that could easily be a metaphor for people trying to achieve a goal in life. Sometimes people can actually achief that goal, just as cats do catch mice (and usually leave the carcass in their owners bed or show ) Great write and good luck in the contest.


  • raspberry Greeters member
    March 12, 2006
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    hey.. a frank opinion- IT IS REALLY GOOD !


  • Sandygram silver member
    March 12, 2006
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    This was an interesting poem. I love the story it told. Thanks for sharing. and the smiles this morning. Best of luck in the contest. Take care, Sandy


  • Wandika gold member
    March 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent. The cat misses more than succeeds. Very nicely done.

    Jim


  • Utok Bulinaw
    March 11, 2006
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    This caught my attention from beginning to end. So vivid as though watching a cartoon movie "Tom and Jerry" I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing and best wishes in the contest. Eris


  • befearless247
    March 11, 2006
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    this is a great poem! te way you wrote it, it flowed and rhymed so well. and I could actually SEE what was happening, like they were right in my living room! I thought this poem was excellent (and I am glad your not one of those people that would have the mouse die a horrible death!!)


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    March 11, 2006
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    A very visual piece that kept me from beginning to end. I find this work another day in the life....A pleasure to read such fine work. Great flow and rhythm. Best of luck in this contest. ~Pam


  • Princess Perdue gold member
    March 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    ohhh Wend--dat bad ole puddy cat, lol another great write from your pen--you always come up with the best! exellent. Good luck and well done.
    shaz xxxxxx


  • poet2angels gold member
    March 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    What I noticed and loved about this poem is the use of vivid imagery....You are always amazing and this one was no exception ....G/L....Lynda

  • BigJason
    March 10, 2006
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    man this is a good poem i love anything about death Nd killing Nd this caught my eye your a great artist u should look at sum of my poems sum tyme Nd tell me what u think
    jason


  • TheThinker
    March 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    thank you x Hope your well? will catch up with you soon


  • R S Adams Jr silver member
    March 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Uplifting, thoughtful,

    I did not perceive this as humorous at all. In fact it is quite serious but the mouse escapes, almost unknowingly and the cat is left looking stupid. I like that, and it is so true that we can escape some of the horribles of life if we are quick enough to move at the right time. I like the poem a lot and I like your rhyme and verse structure. I still have you on my favourites but for some reason, none of your poems come through.I'll try again.


  • TheThinker
    March 9, 2006
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    ahhh thanks Mal.. think I was due one this year lolxxx

  • meena krish
    March 9, 2006
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    This is an interesting write..it made me laugh but I can feel the seriousness of it too. I could imagine the whole scene in my mind..excellent work! Good luck in the contest..take care~


  • Sunshine Always
    March 9, 2006
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    Clap Clap Clap!!! Bravo Wend this is absolutly brilliant. Very different for you dear friend and you have captured the whole scene well. SEE I knew you had it in you.. Still think your humours spot on too. Well done lady...mal

  • TheThinker
    March 9, 2006
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    Thanks legend, I am so known for writing humour that people seem to be looking for the humour in it, I just thought for a change i would try something different... its had an odd reaction..
    Wend


  • Legend silver member
    March 9, 2006
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    Strangely you mentioned that this was a funny piece as the image posted gave that Idea,
    I also had the feeling that i was starting to read a limerick.It was only after i had read the first couple of lines that it kicked in that this was indeed a serious piece.
    It is so hard when reading of cats and mice to see anything but Tom And Jerry. Right now i have had that little spout on to the poem
    I enjoyed the read good rhyme and flow with a little tale of life threaded in there. So pleased the cat fail,(I hate Cats sorry you cat lovers) another very fine entry all the best in the contest


  • raspberry Greeters member
    March 9, 2006
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    cute.. this s really cute.. good luck !!


  • individuality gold member
    March 8, 2006
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    i thought it was a good poem, but will echo not that funny really. spill ink and twist me into the shape of love.


  • Shakari
    March 8, 2006
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    Wow, I was surprised to see that humor wasn't in the categories, so I had to inspect this write...well, not inspect...maybe just see for myself. I enjoyed this write, for the mouse got away. You used fantastic imagery and wonderful instincts of both animals. I felt as though I were the mouse while reading this piece, the cats being my peers, and me trying to escape the world of hatred and deceit. Weird, how I got all of that from a piece about an ordinary cat and mouse...though that world must be exciting. You kept up a nice rhyming scheme. As always, I still remain a loyal reader of your writing, for you have always had a way with humor, yet when you write something different, it still holds talent. Keep up the great work and keep writing!


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    March 8, 2006
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    But alas as the usual ending prevails
    That feline too slow and again she fails


    good for the mouse. poor creature is just trying to live its life without interference. i am so proud that he got away from the kitty. i really like this. it is so cute. viyanna r langager


  • Glenda L Hand
    March 8, 2006
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    Excellent poem, good natural rhyming, makes a simple thing important,

  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    March 8, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is awesome, the imagery is so very real, and describes the cat and mouse chase perfectly Josephine.

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