UPDATE:.....TODAY 3.12.06 AROUND 6 A.M. SHE SLIPPED AWAY FROM US, SILENTLY IN HER SLEEP HOLDING A WHITE TEDDY BEAR. THERE ARE MORE POEMS TO COME AS I WROTE MANY NOTES ON WHAT I SAW AND FELT IN HELPING HER LEAVE US.
I loved her despite her stern face worn
Youth was my enemy she made me learn
Mindset for freedom begrudging in scorn
She wore metal mask of harnessing stern
She fitted that mask of sterness well
To prune the heart of a brat in her storm
For then I was sure I'd leaped into hell
Where eyes of that temper left me forlorn
Refusing submission to deity of rules
Pandering this heart for charm of another
Family prayed helplessly watching a fool
Counted the days my heart would recover
She watched o'er me and hugged when I let her
Gram taught me love, I'll never forget her
Granny, you told me today out of the few breaths you could muster, that you miss the azaleas on Victory Lane in Georgia. I asked you what color you liked the best so I could help you plant them indoors to give you beauty before you pass away from us. We silently knew together that will never happen but we smiled thinking about it in silence. I found them for you here granny in this picture and I promise you will have beautiful purple or orange flowers placed in front of you before you leave me. I read you my Chocolate Daisies poem today, you only sighed a tiny laugh and said "Good, very good" and I knew you had only heard a word or two.
We put you on morphine today to help you breathe and there is little left of you to understand what I write here so I placed it here for you to read after you enter the pearly gates to be with your Lord. Take your time granny you have many that have waited a long time to see you. I will be here patiently waiting to be with you like the years you again just as the many years you were patient with me. Granny you are the sweetest, most unselfish, giving servant I will ever be graced to know. You are the last of the true southern belles, just as your sister was when she had her own editorial in LIFE magazine during world war II. I know the two of you will hold each other fast, while sipping tea on that mansion porch and maybe some cold coffee too, as if time had never passed. Your mother will wait with open arms, your southern gentleman father and three brothers you so adored will smile that smile you have missed for so long.
You are forever in my heart now while you are still here with me and soon when you will be living in the spirit world. I try so hard to hold onto all the things you spoke to me but even today I found there was so much more you had to tell, forgive me for not knowing that granny. I love you my sweet adeline granny.....I MISS YOU!
In the last words you were able to speak to me you said, "You'll be wearing a gold crown", as if I had done some wonderous thing in helping you, but it is you who will be wearing that gold crown!
Author notes
Silver 2/08
This is my first sonnet and of course I have much to learn. I am asking for critiques because I desire honest input and want this sonnet to be good. I also ask if you do suggest any tweaking that you be gentle as this particular sonnet/poem is written for my granny who is quickly slipping on to the next life.
Written March 7th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- WHO HAVE YOU LOST? by pappacass.
525 points, ended February 1, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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this was precious
my eyes teared reading it.....i miss my nanny so much...i felt as though i was reading a letter to my own nanny....this was beautiful...good luck -
What a nice poem to your grandma! Very lovely job putting all the memories together. Good luck and thanks for entering my contest!
God bless,
~Spring Rain -
beautiful
WOW...This is amazing...truly heartfelt right to the end. Your feelings are portrayed deeply. I lost my grandma 3years ago and my Great-Aunt just 3 weeks ago, it's so hard to go through this pain. Bless u and thank you for sharing your feelings in these tremendous words. -
Oh my gosh! I am trying to comment but the tears are overwhelming. You were as blessed to have this fine woman as she was to have you - an intellegent, kind, thoughtful individual. God bless you and keep you.
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wow this was really good, i too just went through a death my great aunt died, its the first real death in my family i have had to experience and i never thought it would be this hard and it was my grandma's sister i couldnt imagine my grandma dying, but its awesome that you chose to express your grief on this site and share it with everyone, its a good way to get out all the feelings, awesome job keep up the good work and thanks for entering the contest...
imnot -
I Read this poem a few days ago. Now the time is here. I am so sorry for your loss and I will do what I can to help you hold a contest and find a poem that is suitable to be read at your grandmother's service. God bless and keep you and your family. These are hard times for many, and we will rally around you and make sure you know that you are loved.
Always,
Renee
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thank you Deena, that is my daughters name, Deanna. Your words bring me comfort tonight because I am actually at my grannies right now. She can no longer speak, eat, drink, and more. I hold her hand and try to read her eyes and find some way to comfort her. When I sit with her I feel as if I am frightening her. She said one thing that I could decipher, "I'm worried about you". Even near death she still is thinking of someone else instead of herself. My mother is stoic and exhausted and we don't think it will be much more than a day or two and I am scared of what I might see. My hubby is back home after chemo not feeling well at all and out of sorts...the whole thing is hard. I kept thinking of this write, wondering what more I will pen after this is over. Tonight I met my goal, having her hear me say, "I love you" I got a barely conscious hug from her but it gave me the strength I need to feel strong in letting her go now. Funny how people ca pass others off without a second thought when they mention a grandparent dying......I don't think I can ever think of it so lightly again.
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We never really lose anyone,Dove...they linger with us and are passed on generation to generation with stories,love and laughter. Know that your most precious Gram,will always live on...just like mine. This is beautiful.
Many prayers during such a difficult time,
Deena
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What more can be added.....just try to recount all the good times and good and happy memories....celebrate her life not her passing.....An excellent tribute, I'm sure she'd approve
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DT, this is touching indeed...
and your offering this in a sonnet is commendable indeed. Such items make it MOST difficult to offer crit... but I'd be very pleased to do that offline if you like.
deLighting in the love here, Daniel *rose -
Thank you Schatzi, yes there were turbulent years in my youth not caused by her but brought on by myself when she had to take over being a mother for me. How different it is when we become adults and look back at what we thought was wrongful trauma. I too pray my grands will see me in the same light or even my own children
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thank you very much bronwyn...I just added a small photo to the flowers of my granny being silly hope it does not dectract from the beauty of the flowers. Then again I think of the beauty hiding behind those eyes that could still remember these flowers no matter how little she could talk or poorly she was feeling. That is the spirit wanting to live but knowing it's her time. As for crying I am still awake over hre nearly 3 in the morning doing the same thing as the comments come in.
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Zues that was so beautiful of you to say that...you made tear again lol. Maybe we can find life in death and in opening ourselves to others pain that is what poetry is all about. You truly flattered me.... thank you so much!!!!!
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*WOW* ... i'm sooooo sorry for your loss!!!
you're very luck to have been so close to your nana....
i almost started to cry..very beautifully written & i love the picture that goes with it and the background..it brings a sense of peace!!!
great write and tribute to your granny!!!
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incredible
This is the most touching thing I have read in a long, long time! I think it is perfect! I feel this way about my grandmother too. I am a grown man, who rarely tears up, and you have me in tears now. My heart goes out to you. Be proud of this sonet. It's amazing! -
Rose thank you so much for your sweet and comforting words. It feels so odd to hear of others saying they went through this because at my age I still never have and can't imagine doing it. Everything you said I know to be true but I still need to hear it over and over right now. Even though I have known the Lord closely all my life there is always that inkling of doubt. The one that leaves us grasping to a loved one for fear this just may be all there really is. I need your prayers right now for that faith and you could not have said it more perfectly. Thank you hun
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Expressive
It sounds like she was a wonderful woman who loved you in her own way I'm sure you strove to please her and understand the world and upbringing she came from. It seems to me, that although you love her unquestioningly, you had some mixed feelings. I think that's only natural. Sweet write, I can only hope my grandaughters are as sweet and still think so highly of me when I'm gone Best wishes to you in all your endeavors
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The most precious gift to the suffering (yet the hardest for ust to give) is the gift of saying "it's ok to go." I know how hard it is to let go of a Gran you love with all your heart - I had to do it myself, a few years ago, in very similar circumstances to this. What will feel worse, for a time, is the sense of a great weight having been lifted from you when she does fly away. NONE of these feelings are wrong. They are natural human reactions to sorrow and the removal of a great strain. It's ok to grieve, even while they are alive. It's ok to feel hurt, scared, angry, bewildered and all the other hundred things you will be feeling now. But when the gentle presence has been called Home to rest and the soft voice is silent, you will find she has left you a gift more beautiful than gold and gemstones ... the memories of a lifetime you shared with her. I read, in one of the "Anne" books: "Our dead aren't dead until they are forgotten." Granny will never be dead, because you will never forget. May Our lovling Lord bless you with the strength you need to come through this trial and may He ease your sufferings with the knowledge that you will both meet again one day.
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ooo I am so sorry to hear this...wow what a long life she had! I hope they were full of beautiful things she can still remember and that when it is her time she passes comfortably this is our main goal right now despite our own needs to want to keep her wit with us. My granny is 88 and we recently got pictures of 4 generations such a rare things now a days and like Vera said, such a rare thing to find families that still have that respect and bonding with their matriarchs and patriarchs. Sending prayers your way
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thank you granny
I think she would be too. She said I was sweet girl and though I never showed it the way I so wanted too for her because of my health, I think she knew underneathe what was hidden in me. Your words meant alot to me, Thank you
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Vera your words added more tears to my eyes ones of agony but a much needed continual letting go. I so appreciate you taking the time to break down the sonnet like that and you explained it better than I knew I was writing it lol. I will take 'Wisely' into account for later editing because you are correct! Maybe in a message at your convienance you could explain rhythm to me.
Your words are comforting and you could not have said it better, "But I need her HERE, Lord, NOT in heaven!" I can only pray with the small memory span I have that you are right about remembering her. I am also holding my husbands hand as he goes through chemo treatments beginning this Friday for 6 months. I hear it said that stress can create memory loss but it comes back later that is what I am hoping for. Could you also keep a prayer for me regarding my health during all of this. I am a chronic pain sufferer and take heavy meds. Bless you for blessing me with your kindness
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How wonderful to see that - in spite of all the sociologists tell us, there are still families that treasure their matriarchs and patriarchs. I had the great privilege of growing up in a household reigned over by a wonderful grandmother (who throughout the 57 years of her married life never let grandfather realize that HE was not the boss!).
And how very well, in the 3rd quatrain and the couplet you have caught the essence of the adolescent, impatient of family ties in his/her striving to be adult... "hugged when I let her!"... Oh, yes, we must surely all recognize ourselves there!
Regarding your tribute as a Poem - you certainly have grasped the essential structure of the Shakespearean variant of the form - the "twist" or break in sense between the second and third quatrains, and the use of the final couplet to summarize and drive home the poem's "message". And your rhymes are well chosen and fresh to the ear. Your rhythm does, perhaps, need a little more attention - but that is something that will develop with practice. One small point - in line 13, "received standard" grammar would normally require "she governed wiseLY". However, perhaps the use of "wise" here is a Southern idiom?
Finally... on a personal note: the days, weeks and months ahead will not be easy for you... But you clearly have a profound faith in the life to come - and though this will NOT really help in those moments when one wants to scream: "But I need her HERE, Lord, NOT in heaven!", you will find... I can assure you that you WILL eventually find, that her loving presence is still with you at - seemingly - no further remove than the "next room"... I shall keep the two of you in my prayers - that she may have an easy and dignified departure, and that you may be sustained by the hope that, in God's good time the two of you will once more, as More phrased it, "meet merrily in heaven"
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Please edit the first line.
A beautiful tribute to her, and a lovely photograph. Nice rhyme and rhythm.
Well deserving of the proffered applause.
Robin. -
This is very well written and personally touches me. It's really hard to let go, I know, for in these past few months I have lost my granny. It's hard and I wish I could help in some way. The best thing to do is to remember all the amazing times you had. And always remember you will see her again just as she will see her lost loved ones.
much love
~Britt -
Wonderful poem, you're very lucky to have been so close to your grandmother. Sorry for your loss.
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I loved my grandmother in this way. I feel what you're feeling right now, and wish there was something I could do to make the hurt go away but I know there isn't. For your first sonnet this is indeed expressively well writtten. I would just like to add that it's okay to let her go, especially if she's lived a long loving life. The wondrous memories will help you make it through. There will be days that you will hear her words slip from you voice box, and be glad that you were blessed with her love. God bless you and your granny. This is a very touching work of words from the heart and soul.
Much Love,
Renee
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A sweet poet and poem
I have been touched by the beauty of your poem and the sweet relationship you have with your grandmother. When we lose someone we have not lost them, really. Death is God's way of rescuing us from mortality. He would not do a thing so commonly if it were bad. God loves us and takes us home, finally. You can carry your grandmother with you in your heart and your head and she will move on through your life with you. She will be nearby, behind a thin curtain, always loving you and eventually you will join her, as will we all. Your love is enduring and conquers all. 
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beautiful
she governed wise and hugged when I let her
Gram taught me love, I'll never forget her
this says it all, your granni loves you indeed. your love for her is so very obvious in this. i am so sorry for your pain. you have written her a beautiful sonnet indeed. viyanna r langger
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This is beautiful and your comments are really touching to me, as I am currently caring for my amazing 97 year old grannie, and she, I fear is starting her decline, so blessings to you!I
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No, you won't ever forget her- she taught you some lessons you will always remember, and you are a better person for having known her. A lovely sonnet, so filled with personal memories that mean so much to you. Thinking of you in these trying times. I'm sure she'd be proud of you for writing this lovely verse.
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