Here I sit, night after night
counting the pills that help me live life.
One and a half to keep me calm,
three to make happy and keep depression away,
with eight more to make me sane.
I stare at the handful of pills,
this is just the start of the wondering and whys.
Times are when I'd like to chuck it all,
you know, quit.
I get tired of your fighting and me playing referee,
of being strong, dependable, funny me.
It'd be easy you see, sometimes, to take them all,
you'd never know until too late.
Two pills to help me breathe, (allergies and asthma, you see).,
then one to help me sleep,
three for pain and four more for arthritis.
Goddess, I'm only 49, who would thought it'd come to this?
Of course, the one side effect on which all could agree;
makes it four more for constipation, oh, yea!
I could do a great vacation on the money I've spent.
Although I get tired and sometimes feel ill-used,
a spark of defiance still exists.
Times are, I've felt like that rat who flipped off the cat
just before she attacked.
I've been down suicide road, where the grass looked better and
the houses looked oh , so pretty.
The road looks smooth and is usually just one way.
I found an off ramp and ran away.
Running from what I thought was too much,
turned out to be not worth the price.
I sucked it up and decided to live life.
This doesn't mean that as I sit each night
counting out the pills that give me a life,
that the thought doesn't flitter out from
the darkest recesses of my insane mind like a bat,
I remind myself of
the rat that flipped off the cat.
Author notes
Written March 7th, 2006
I wrote this about my depression that led to a suicide attempt before I was in the middle of a 4 car pile up. This is about the medications I take for the head injury from that accident and my life since then.
Permission to share with whom ever you think it might help.
In a list
A contest entry
- Surprise by TripleGoddess.
800 points, ended April 7, 2007, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Personaly experiences by Ntagatf.
500 points, ended August 31, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Writing Workshop On Disabilities Fall, 2008 by kareneisenlord.
3500 points, ended November 15, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Slaughter of Reality...the death of dead flesh,myths, and stigmas! by FlamesDragoness.
700 points, ended December 1, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your oldest prewrite poems and my 20th contest by stargazer..
650 points, ended April 20, 417 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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I could relate to this!
I have been down this road also. Loved the dark humor too. Made tears come to my eyes; "The Rat That Flipped Off The Cat." What a perfect metaphor of us being at the mercy of life (the cat), and flipping it off just before it eats us alive. At first I thought from the title that you meant this to be for my 'Through the Eyes of an Animal' contest.
With fibromyalgia and depression I went through several years of the endless pills that the doctors were prescribing. New medications were being added to alleviate the symptoms of the other ones (oh, yeah - one of them being constipation; a common side affect of many meds). Like you, I was convinced that these pills were my life-line - one to help me sleep, to keep nightmares away; one for palpitations; one for anxiety; depression; pain; etc.; etc. Oh, and I even hoarded the medications as much as possible too; with the unthinkable lurking in the back of my mind to end it all one day if it all became too much to bare.
I am so glad and relieved that you decided not to go down suicide road. I absolutely admired how brave you are; and the humor in reminding yourself about the 'rat that flipped off the cat'. That is so great.
That image is going to stick with me now.
Yes, I have decided also not to give up. It is easy to say when I am not in pain at the moment. When I am, I always realize it will pass. I can't imagine people going through pain that never subsides. That's why I hoard those pills. I can't stand pain, or to see others suffer. If all else fails; thank God for medication! In the end I hope to at least not give that mean old cat the satisfaction of getting me in a state of fear. I hope to be laughing and defiant on the way out too. lol's It's ironic though, because in a way we are BOTH the rat and the cat in life. haha.
Thank you for your entry dear. I thorougly enjoyed it and found it very uplifting in a satirical way. Keep being that 'rat that flips off the cat!'
I am past that too, I think. One day I decided, enough!
The medications were causing more problems and aggravating my symptoms; putting my body into a toxic state. Oh, and I was never told about the side-effects of coming off of some of the drugs- even though it was done very slowly and I never took the dose-for-an- elephant that they prescribed for me. It is a good thing that I did research or I would have really had a panic there.
Being a semi-retired health care practitioner, I have seen a lot of suffering and some death - in my personal life too. This may have also contributed to my problems and definitely made me want to have control over my life, and my death. I still hoard the medications; but I do not take them unless absolutely necessary - or the ones that I have to, such as my thyroid medicine and the one for my heart palpitations as needed. Medications certainly have their place and are a God-send at times. -
applaud-Applaud-APPLAUD!
wow....i loved your metaphor...my hubbs sat down and
read this one with me...and he knew exactly what you
were talking about!
and everytime he goes to the doctor...
a new prescription is added to the litter!
our favorite stanza:
a spark of defiance still exists.
Times are, I've felt like that rat who flipped off the cat
just before she attacked.
FEAST-FEAST-FEAST!
great poem and writing!
ears/Seattle
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This isnt from the past year, however i'll allow it to stay in my contest because i can relate, minus the age... i'm 18. but i've been up and down the suicide roads. Anyway this is a great write, i loved it! Thank you for entering my contest, and good luck. Keep up the good work
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Merry meet,
I'm sorry. I usually read the rules better than that.
Thank you for allowing in your contest. I'm glad that you enjoyed the poem and sorry that you had to understand it personally.
Amythest
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Interesting, enlightening poem
What is this
about this rat?
What you want is
be the cat!
Tiki here
of poet fame.
I bring cheer
just by my name.
You should eat
with your pills
my Cat Food.
Cures all your ills.
Tiki Cat
Buy TIKI'S GOURMET CAT FOOD
"Too Good For Humans" -
Merry meet BurgandyHope,
Thankyou for your kind comments. I too, think I made the right choice. I have my off days just as anyone else, but I refuse to give in.
Amythest -
This is a good write. Your words easily allow me to feel your turmoil and every day strugglings. Thank you for entering and good luck. (and you made the right choice- fighting that is)
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HEHE I LIKE TI WAS GOOD
LIPS OF DECEIT-6 -
Merry meet ShizuMiwa,
Thank you for your kind comments. I am doing fine now.
Amythest -
I loved this. It's so sad and yet hopeful. You have reached deep inside and found strength! That's great! Thanks for entering my contest and hang in there! ^_^
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Merry meet Lady,
Thank you for the applause and for catching the typo
. It doesn't seem to matter how many times you read for them, one always rear it's annoying head. Thank you for reading my poetry.
Amythest -
This was quite a unique poem. It made me stop and think about it and read it a second time. You did a wonderful job, and the emotion in this powm is very raw. I especially liked the lines from the third-to-last paragraph, "I've been down suicide road, where the grass looked better and / the houses looked oh , so pretty". Oh, and one suggestion, I think I found an error in the poem: the word "mine" in the last stanza should be "mind".
Have a great day!
~ Lady ~ -
There is always a desire to show defiance. We don't do it because it costs so much sometimes. The rat paid a high cost for it's defiance and as bad as it gets ...you have stronger reasons to "not" stop the ride. I pray for you and hope you continue to rage against the storm! Love and kisses, The Shaker
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My goodness. I am very speechless on this one. Really I am. When I read this poem I found lost hopes in this poem and you are too young to suffer all these you are suffering. Great write but it's a pain to read it. Especally knowing what you been through and the words are very true. It really are.......emotional. Great write
Wish you the best
Snow
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Merry Meet,
Thank you for your comments. Sorry it's taken me a bit to respond. MY muse has been slapping me around a bit here lately and I'm trying to keep up with her,
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hey this is really great i loved it and i can sort of relate keep it up keep it up and keep posting!!!!!!!!! thanx for sharing this with all of us here at allpoetry.....really enjoyed the read
~*love ya*~
~~*)Becca(*~~
you are a great writer and this is a great write!!!!!!!!!!!!
keep up the great and awesumly awesum work!!!!!!!!!!!
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