Cool blue eyes
Reflect a frozen heart
Ice in her stare
Author notes
I’ve been trying to turn this into a traditional count haiku… I thought I’d try it out here.
Written February 3rd, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Write the best haiku/senryu you can about any subject. World Haiku Assoc. rules apply in that you c by haikumonk.
187 points, ended February 6, 2003, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Pretty, and true to form. But the words to describe a cold gaze are the same as any normal person would use.
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hmmm.... this is what a haiku look like.... well i quite enjoy it.... sorry for my rude intrusion.....i think i am going to try to write a haiku..
thanks for sharing, and thanks for your comment. i don't think it made a difference in my decison. but thank you.
keep it coming!!!!!!!!
-Queen of the Damned aka Allissia -
very good
*shivers* nice, solid poem. gives me the image of looking in a frozen pool of water. where's my mittens?
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very good
*shivers* nice, solid poem. gives me the image of looking in a frozen pool of water. where's my mittens?
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very good
*shivers* nice, solid poem. gives me the image of looking in a frozen pool of water. where's my mittens?
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very good
*shivers* nice, solid poem. gives me the image of looking in a frozen pool of water. where's my mittens?
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Exactly how do I insert a smiley?
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Dont touch it
A nice poem of a cold girl short but you get the point really good
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I like it, I think you're describing a glare, dunno. I liked the third line "ice in her eyes". I've heard of ice in her veins, but never in her eyes. Nice write
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ooo good haiku. it makes me feel all cold inside. her eyes suggest hatred and distrust. although it was short, thats all it needed.
good write!! -
looking right though you and it just sends a shiver up the spine... well after thinking of something clever to say... i have nothing to say... you got me beat... thought provoking indeed...
Doug -
Very very nice Senyru!!!!
Succinct and to the point!!
Sounds more like my ex!!!! hehehe If it was about a "he".
~Laura -
*brrrr* this says so much in so few words. (I think).making it longer would actually take away from the overall effect that you have so excellently put forth.
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Good
Very nice haiku. I get the feeling this gril isn't chilled from eating a peppermint patty. Nice image of an Ice Queen come to mind. -
Im not a fan of Haiku's. Probably cause ofm ost of them I have no idea what there going about.
Though Im glad to say that i have a clue on what yours is about.
Its nice ot read it but its sad that its only a Haiku (short) cuz it wantsm e always to read more of it lol. -
A
Her stare chills the heart, sends pinpricks of shivers along my skin. Hollow, yet beautiful in her sadness. -
This is a really good haiku. You have chosen the adjective 'blue', which carries a double meaning. It can either mean blue eyes as in colour, or blue eyes as in being sad, or even both. Just that one word makes me like this haiku. I think the old Japanese would have liked this one as well. It is concrete, and still abstract somehow. Very well done.
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Thats how I feel, but my eyes aren't blue Great Job! Keep up the good work, and feel free to write about me anytime, J/K! ~sharon
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Well I like any thing short and sweet, so I like this, it is a skill that is good to have well done all related blue = cold = ice staring is a solid moment
Excellent
Lakota xx -
Say hello to my high school girlfriend! Well not really, but she loved to stare at me with her 'cool blue eyes' And she left me! I normally dislike poems this short but this works well. No wasted words, just straight to the point. Bravo!
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