i know you can see me
you know im watching you
Well i just dont know if i can any further
sink
im so f a r gone
that you know
you'll ..never.. find me here again
ill pretend you -want- me here
{just once more maybe}
i'll just hide behind my practiced smile
and you'll act like you don't see the tears in my [eyes].
your lies cut no d than what i do to myself
e
e
p
e
r
my world cru
m
b
l
e
s around you and your pathetic promises
so :whisper: your goodbyes now
... you were never who you promised me you'd be.
Author notes
Written March 5th, 2006
A contest entry
- Just About Anything by horsecowgirl.
300 points, ended March 30, 2006, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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this is amazing. i love your work.
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with the following lines:
"know you can see me
you know im watching you"
maybe match up the word "you" or something because the break seems a little akward and there is no visible relation which keeps these two lines together. also try to make each line flow with the next...make the way you space things out for a purpose and with rythym.
also when trying to create a "visual image" so to speak try to use more adjective to describe as apposed to tell so that the reader is entertained by the structure and the actual wording.
otherwise, my love, this poem has a lot of potential and i look forward to more of your "experimenting". i love you babe more than the world and everything else (except maybe chelsea lmfao). good write my love. -
Outstanding!
YES! Love this poem! Love it! The way you set this up was brilliant! Really helped to convey your words in a fitting manner, and whats more, it was tres' creative!
I can definitely relate and I think alot of people out there would say the same. You have taken a universal message of heartache and regret and betrayal and turned it into art. It says alot about your character and you can feel the emotion resonating through this as it is read.
Good job!
-Darkness
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Wow, this write created impact on appearance as much as the words did. Such a clever way to display your work. I liked this very much. Keep up the good work x x x
Edited on Mar 05, 5:17 p.m. because ''. -
4 Stars
I loved it.
Your format definatley emphasizes and helps bring life to your poem.
It was a very enjoyable read. -
wow- the way you've related form and meaning is really thoughtful and effective- very beautiful, honest and clever write that would work almost as well without the use of form, as the language is vivd and direct- there is no way in which it sucks. amazing
E~ -
Wow. Just Wow.
WOW! This is so interesting and amazingly awesome. I LOVE the way you wrote it and the way it all flows in an abstract sort of way. I Seriously love how you wrote it though, it felt amazing when I read it....
Love,
becca -
love it!
THIS SO DOES NOT SUCK! This poem ROCKS MY SOCKS! I love the form of the poem, I love the words of the poem, I love the way the poem ripped open my wounds to make me feel. Good stuff, good stuff. -
Interesting - reminds me of those puzzles that are send around and you have to figure out what they mean - well done.
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i agree!!!! THIS DOES NOT SUCK!!!! you did a great job in form, rhythm and everything else about it. should anyone disagree--just ignore them. viyanna r langager
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Excellent!!
Hello Lovely nightmare.. A well done write indeed! Executed well by your display of particular words which have only enhanced the strength of your emotions! An awesome write, I am impressed!! So in conclusion, This does not "suck" lol
Linda
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Wow, that was rather very unique form.
I enjoyed the flow, and the connection between the form to the meaning. Well done, sis. 's
-Reni -
This. Does. NOT. Suck. This is freaking awesome. I love the form you used and the effects you did to break up your words and such. . . I enjoyed this read .
<3Kat -
How lost your words are, how perfectly they portray abandonement and broken promises. Beautiful pain x
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