Squeeze my eyes shut;
I just don't want hear it.
Maybe if I can't see
Then the sounds will just disapear.
Hating myself
For what I've done to others.
Hating myself
For what I feel.
I care about him so much,
But not the way he deserves.
I hate the way I choose someone
(Who I can't even say treats me like shit
Because he doesn't even treat me)
Over him.
I hate how I like him
But I fucked it up once again.
I hate that I can't tell any of them
How I feel.
I feel so guilty
That I've ruined so much.
I'm so annoyed that I'm to scared
To risk it-
Just to talk to Him.
I can't stand how I let my fear
Get in the way...
And I won't even admit it.
I hate the way
They all seem to care so much,
But the one I want
Doesn't care at all.
I hate the way
I'm always caught in the middle,
Because I seem to be at the top
Of everyone's "list";
Which means I have farther
To fall,
And more people
That I hurt
Unintentionally.
I never meant
To cause so much pain
And drama.
I never realised
How horrible I can be
By just being myself.
I'll sit on the phone
And listen to how much she hates me
And listen to how she doesn't hate me
At all.
I listen as she tells me it was me all along
And that she was just
Number two,
Just like it was with him.
And I feel like shit
Because nothing I can say
Can make any of it better.
Infact,
It would probably make it worse.
I'm so sorry
For being this way.
I'm so sorry
For screwing everything up.
Showing up and re-arranging the pieces
Of our lives
And our hearts.
I'm sorry,
So sorry.
Please forgive me.
I can't even forgive myself,
When I realise just how bad
Everything is.
So tonight
I will cry
For you and for me.
I will cry because they'll never know
How much I care,
Or how much I hate myself
For hurting any
And all
Of them.
Author notes
Dedicated to MA, AC, CC, NP, & AA
Written March 4th, 2006
In a list
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Comments
-
I totally agree with theoxymoron...... they are so right and i really hope you listened....... those things are the most important things you should understand.... hang in there.... dont let em get to you to much
-
Hunny, Listen to me. I love this poem-it is very well written and I think its one of your better ones. But I'd like it even more if I didn't understand what it was about. This whole poem is filled with worries that you shouldn't even have.
#1. YOU CAN NOT CONTROL YOUR FEELINGS.
#2. You can't control other people's feelings either. and
#3. Regardless of how much you hate yourself-we still love you. Remember that.
You should not waste your time feeling sorry for things you can't change. I know its hard not to, impossible not to, but you have to try. You didn't do anything wrong. Remember that too.
Sorry for the lecture. We'll just talk later. It is really a great poem though. -
This is a very well written poem, and it flows nicely.
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