The tender solicitude they share
With the intense desire they bare
Blazes with no limitations
Burning down jealousy's plantation
Enjoyment, when they become as one
Eyes consisting their moon and sun
Cherishing the seconds together
Quality of love's pure leather
Placing hands in lovers' glove
As they enter the abode of love
Designed in love's fashion
Infatuated by such a passion
Yet they too must face reality
Realizing their lasting mortality
With the love that they made
Grasping eternally life's blade
Following their mind not heart's desire
Together they both enter hellish fire
Worshipped passion hanging on a shelf
Their love decided to kill itself
Author notes
I'm not going to lie, this was hard to write. The beginning of it anyway (since I don't write love poetry). I have been trying to see if I can be creative...after this write....I think NOT!
{tears}
Written March 4th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Ace's Rhyming Narrative Contest! by AceOSpades.
850 points, ended April 27, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 47 of 47
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You have a really good punchline here, even if you need to break rhythm a tiny bit to work it out... It's funny how if you write rhyming poetry enough you can really pick the reachy rhymes from the sound ones... shelf/self for example ... and definitely love/glove. I've done both of those in the past I'm sure, not that i've grown out of it or anything... but I've become aware of it. I particularly like the second last stanza... nicely done
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This is one of my very best poems in my opinion. I think my very best is A Passionless Loving Sea. But it didn't place in the contest it was written for so maybe it isn't so great. lol. But thanks for reading so many of my writes. I truly appreciate it!
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This piece flowed magnificently and the rhyming was phenomenal! I loved the strength and, well, I will call it emotion, in this piece. Thanks for sharing, for this piece was fantastic! No wonder it was a winner! If it wasn't, I would have had a talk with the contest holder.
Keep up the great work and good luck with your future writing!
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You're welcome! Have fun judging!
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well done! lovely imagery and it is very sad....thank you for entering my contest and good luck!
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Thank you very much for that comment. I truly appreciate it. Oh and have fun judging your contest.
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oh my goodness. this is a *lovely* poem. the death is soo sad here. thank you for this poem! i hope you win!
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Thank you! And I will try to keep writing.
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Thanks for your lovely comment!
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This was my second attempt. This one took more to write then the first. I can't write about love because I have never felt it before. Find it hard to write about something I know nothing about, you know. And I just really wanting to get to the end to get the love out of the way. It started to get on my nerves! And if I rewrite this I'll IM you. Thanks for reading!
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wow, you use of aphorisms (i think thats the word) is awesome. You described making love so beautifully and it was raunchy or anything, its was a good read, and your time and effort have definately paid off, good job, keep penning!
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it an amasing poem and has depth and feeling and i understand where you would get your ideas from this type of photo
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You may not have enjoyed writing it, but I enjoyed reading it. I don't typically enjoy writing love poetry unless I'm in a very depressed and disturbing state, which I don't allow myself to enter any more, but I can, and it's alright, but not usually great. This, your first (?) attempt at writing love poetry, is wonderfully written, but the ending seems a bit rushed, like you were jsut trying to get it done. I suggest refining that a little more after you've let some time pass, so that you don't have to do it like a chore. IM me if you do rewrite this, I'd like to read it again.
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LOL! That's cool. I understand auntie.
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i am going to send you pts as soon as i get some. this is like the second time i have clicked on this and do not mean to waste your points. i am so sorry. viyanna
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Thank you! I'm glad that you liked this write.
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I hope you win the contest. I really liked the poem. It seemed more about the things that they were going through than anything.
Also I really like metaphors. As long as they are used correctly.
Congrats on a great poem.
Sincerly aforgottenangel, -
AW! Thank you!
I'm glad that you liked this.
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good
WOW. HOly CRap. that was REALLY good. like.. amazing. i think personally, that that is one ofyour best writes. it was just an interesting read.. no really deep meaning that i got, but thats good sometimes, its all out there and i don't ahve to guess waht i'm supposed to taek from it! good write!!!!!!!
Tears of ice
ps i LOVE this line
Eyes consisting their moon and sun
that one was just like totally amazing! good job!!!!
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Glad you liked it!
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LOL!
Please don't ground me! LOL! Thanks for the comment daddy!
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wow its awsome.. i love reading it...
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See you are very creative when you let yourself be.I think we are going to see many beautiful pieces from you in the future. This was very nice and you better not stop with this one! Or Daddy will ground you for two days!LOL The Shaker
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Yeah I hate that about my writing. It is a lot better than I thought it would be. And thanks for your comment.
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Thanks for the comment.
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this is a well written piece. it is great. the ending took me by surprise. you can tell that it was a hard write by the way some of it felt forced. nice job anyway. i really liked it. keep up the great work.
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Thank you very much for your comment.
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Following their mind not heart's desire
Together the both enter hellish fire
Worshipped passion hanging on a shelf
Their love decided to kill itself
Great job here. I really liked reading this. Very Creative. Keep it up. -
I absolutely loved reading this!!! It was very creative.. amazing write!! Great job!!!
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Thanks and I will try to.
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Masterpiece
Wow, really loved reading this, the imagery and creativeity contained withing it are completely amazing and wonderful. The relation of love to everything can seem so true when falling, thanks for the excellent poetry, keep up the great ideas. -
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed reading this!
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Thank you. I can't believe I didn't catch those typos. It should say Their love decided to kill itself. And that line means in their lover's eyes their is their whole world, their moon and sun. Hopefully now it makes more sense. If not, let me know, ok. Thanks for pointing that typo out to me. I really appreciate your comment.
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Generally poems with an aa bb rhyme scheme seem cliche and forced, your poem flowed beautifuly.
This was a very pleasant read and I enjoyed it.
Very nice. -
Terrific... intriguing... I particularly like this stanza:
Yet they too must face reality
Realizing their lasting mortality
With the love that they made
Grasping eternally life's blade
A couple of typos or perhaps grammatical errors (?) unfortunately distracted me. I keep re-reading the line "Eyes consisting their moon and sun" to figure out what it means. And the last line - "Their love decide to killed itself" should be "kill." Other than that, it's a wonderful write and I love it! Thanks for sharing! Good luck in the contest! -
Thank you! You have no clue how happy your comment has made me.
Edited on Mar 04, 8:02 p.m. because ''. -
exceptionally well written
Oh.........this is so, so good. You are so creative. I love this!!!! The last few lines are just the best. "Following their mind, not heart's desire"....this is just genious DarkChildsKiss. I think you are very talented in this genre.
I enjoyed reading this very much.
Best of luck in the contest.
etherealforu
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Thank you. I'm so glad to hear that!
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I diffenitly like this. The dark feeling to it is so amazing. The flow was nearly flawless and everything just seemed to work together so properly. This is a great write.
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Thank you. I am glad that you liked it! And I must say, I like you username.
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This was just amazing beyond belief and it blew me and in every aspect. It was so dark yet romantic. The rhyming was a excellent as well and the choice of words was amazing.
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Thank you. I'll just think more about and then I'll see what to do.
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I get the feeling this is like a rosebud, beautiful as is, but awesome when opened. I think it needs to open up just a bit, if you like however as a rosebud, it is perfect as it is. I am sorry I cannot say black or white what you should do. You have grown so far and so fast, it is like you are this giant, this dragon that used to be just a fly. Smoosh.
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I'm not sure how I came up with this. LOL! I'm glad that you like it. And maybe I'll try to put this on the features. Thanks!
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WHOA!!! and WOW!!!!!
how in the world did you come up with this. it is absolutely awesome, amazing, well written, true of so many and something i fear very much. well done my friend. viyanna r langager(this should be featured) -
Thank you. Glad you liked this!
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omg this is amazing. i love the vocabulary you used. what are you talking about, i loved it. Great job. amazing poem.
Hope to see more
lol
Ginny
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