My Secret Lover

Fighting the binds that hold me
Wishing that I could change
Yet I know a part of me
Wants to stay the same

The Pain eats me because I let it
Tears me apart because it can
I'm too used to the Pain to let it go
There's just too much to understand

The Pain is my fail safe security
I know he will never leave
He has been my favorite bedfellow
And that he shall always be

I can't give up on him now
I know the best has yet to pass
What's next is hard to guess
But I'm sure it won't be the last

The Pain is a trickster
At times I think he is gone
But suddenly he hits me
And I know that I was wrong

He likes to keep me guessing
And he wants is so unclear
But he refuses to let me go
And leave me alone out here

He says he couldn't do that
That my suffering is not complete
He says that I will survive
Until my suffering is complete

He wants them all to know about us
But this cannot be done
No one could ever understand
So we must be the only ones

I wish he would let me go
I'm so glad he's holding on
Without him I don't know what I would do
I wish I could just move on