This road I travel is a long one
leading to who knows where;
many curves and fallen debris
stop me in my tracks
so sometimes have to side track,
take a detour,
or climb over and under large objects.
One never knows where the road will stop
and who will make the trip with us;
many run, others shuffle
some are carried,
while others die
on their way down the path
before reaching the end of the road.
We get only one chance to travel
down this long road called life;
so need to take every opportunity
to make it the best we can make it
and to take advantage
of gifts and friends
that walk this life experience with us.
So many years have I travelled
but many miles have yet to roam;
the good Lord willing
another day will break in the morn
to enjoy the sunshine,
family love, friendly chatter
as we all travel along life's road.
Author notes
Written March 2nd, 2006 about the paths one takes in life.
Accompany's my new poem, In a second my world changed for this contest.
In a list
A contest entry
- A journey by April Storm.
450 points, ended July 3, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [CONTEST] Round 1; Intriguing Personas, Impacted Lives by MissPennyLane.
300 points, ended September 20, 2007, 37 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - best prewrites by dory.
500 points, ended July 30, 2008, 89 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Frodofan is correct ...
this is just too simplistic for this contest. The idea is fine, but you need to develop it. There's really nothing here that I can see that's really poetic. This reminds me more of a paragraph you've chopped up into lines (see rules).
There are other contests out there that you can enter, and I see that you have done so in several others. Good luck and congrats on the trophies you seem to have garnered with this.
Merry Xmas. -
I like the picture. I think the poem is slightly plain though. Maybe too plain. To me, it seems like a rough draft, although the flow is nice and all. There is something about it that just does seem to me to have a very poetic quality. It reads, to me, more like a story.
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This is beautiful, dripping with the wisdom that comes with a long journey. Just an all around wonderful write. Best of luck to you in these contests.
Bella
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My current boyfriend and I have a path together. We call it the Road of Life. The first birthday card I got from him he wrote : "The road of life is both long and hard, it is nice to know I don't have to walk it alone." The longer version of this is "The road of life is both long and hard with many twists and turns and even an occassional bend corner. It is nice to know I don't have to walk it alone." No matter what, I will be walking with him on that road of life.
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i really like how true this piece is. its an excellent piece. thanks for entering!
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WOW!!
So symbolic & true..Very excellent piece too..
Love it all...
Thanks alot for entering my contest & best of luck
GloriousGift
Heba -
Great work here!
I really enjoyed reading
this piece from you.
I love these lines:
"We get only one chance to travel
down this long road called life;
so need to take every opportunity
to make it the best we can make it
and to take advantage of gifts and friends
that walk this life experience with us."
These words are so true in life.
It's the choices that we make while
traveling this road of life that can
either make us or break us. Well done
with this piece. I thank you for your
entry in my contest and wish you the
best of luck with it! Keep up the
wonderful work here!
Jeremy0826 -
Needs more imagery, for one. You were also really blunt. Use language to play with your reader! Since you are a poet, it is socially acceptable to be a tease. Lastly, the theme was just cliche. Plenty of people have done it before. At this point (at least to me), writing poems about 'the road of life' is like beating a dead horse.
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You strongly stuck to theme, which is good. I feel like there could have been better imagery, but the structure was great.
I like your eye for punctuation. The poem speaks a lot of truth, for my taste it was a little too plainly stated, but nevertheless there's a great message in the piece and I like that.
The metaphor you related the theme was nice; very understandable.
Thank you for the entry. -
this is really nice. it left me with a very peaceful feeling. and wonderfully soothing, like i just took a long hot bath. You have a great way of leaving the reader feeling the emotion you intend to present and letting it seep into them. Thanks so much for this read, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
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Why I added this to my list...
Your words are rewards
given in gentle fashion
moving towards God's reward
so elegantly with compassion.
For you truly love
relying upon God's stake
all you speak thereof
accepting what footsteps take.
Abdul Tawala Ibn Ali Alishtari
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This one is wonderful and is so her. I knew with your spirit in your words that you would know what I was looking for. This life is a journey and Lord knows that I have created many of my own detours and obstacles. When it all comes down, it is family and friends that make the journey worthwhile. You would make a great sister also. I can just tell that sort of thing having lived my entire life being the little brother. RC
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nicely done
I agree with every one of the above. Your wisdom shines through and speaks to us all. Wonderful work.!!
hugs WolfHeart -
A good optimistic poem grannyeri, we should take life's opportunities as they come along. Congratulations on winning the gold trophy, you deserved it, well done.
best wishes as always
xElectricEyezx
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As for the person traveling with you... that would be God. How refreshing to be reminded just how short life is. Thank you for reminding me in such a way. Great job.
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life is exactly like this, an up and down journey, with lots of surprises and unexpected stops!! i like this poem, but feel the flow is a little jarred, not one of your best but still a good poem granny.
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EXCELLENT
This is really good and so very true. i really could feel what you were sayin. -
This is soo true..it's a long road and we do need to be grateful for every step we get to take before the end. nice write.
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Bravo
This is a jewel, again you seem to capture such feelings that strike a chord with me, this is a a serene spiritual natural supernatural awesome poem, what else can I say? -
this was wonderful. i could relate to what you were saying and you wrote it so well. one thing that seemed kind of weird to me was this line "so need to take every opportunity" i think you should but a I or we in between 'so' and 'need'. but im going to bed just wanted to return the favor. good job and keep writing.
angi -
Yeah, I know the road. As I have heard, "This ain't no dress rehearsal." I have alot to say about this poem and yet everything I have to say has been said before. So I just leave you with this. Good job. Love,Tom B.
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