Well, here’s yet another example of out of control Capitalism. Due to the recent upswing in suicides, Whizzy Bike Company has come out with a new bike – the “Sui-Cycle”. Just look at this ad. It’s an outrage.
Hi folks!
You asked for it . . .
And Whizzy has delivered again!
Introducing . . .
The Suicidal Sui-Cycle!
To answer the call of all the people who wish to end their miserable lives but don’t have the gumption to shoot, stab, hang or poison themselves, we put our best engineers to work. They started with the brakes. But they didn’t just reengineer them - they removed them entirely! Ride it down the steepest hill you can find, preferably with a busy intersection at the bottom. The bike won’t stop, but your ticker sure will!
But wait! There’s more! To further ensure that you will not survive the impact, we have attached a large spear to the handle bars at a 90-degree angle toward the rider!
But that's not all! In the unlikely event that you miss the spear, it is set into a bed of nails two feet wide that your face will smash directly into in the event of a collision. That’s right! We’ve covered all the bases with this little beauty!
If you’re only masochistic but not necessarily suicidal, we’ve got you covered, too! There are no screws or bolts of any kind holding the bike together . . . so when you take a jump or ride off a curb, both tires fall off! You’ll have plenty of scrapes, bruises, missing teeth and broken bones to add to your piercings and other body modifications. Everyone will know that you are a “living on the edge” kind of person!
Order your Sui-Cycle today, starting at only $1,999.99. Yeah, it’s expensive, but what will you need money for? You’ll be DEAD!
Here's a photo of one of our bikes, sent to us by a happy customer. (Well, actually, his surviving relatives sent it to us, but you know what we mean.)
Adding your comment:
LOL!! Needless to say, I am reading this after picking myself up off the floor and calming down enough to actually be able to type again. I'm certain that if you do decide to put your Sui-Cycle into production, that it will be the last invention you even have to produce...because the first-year sales alone will pay for the rest of your life...IN STYLE!!! 
And I've got a slogan for you...
~val~
18 old applause
