PART ONE: A Miracle For Naughty Marietta
Naughty Marietta is a nice, sweet, carefree girl. But one thing she does not like is to be spied upon. She hates people who infringe upon her personal privacy. This is why she often wears no knickers under her skirt. Of course, if she meets someone with whom she is happy to have a little gropey-grunty, he will be a lucky mother indeed when he finds out she has a 100% negative in the undies department.
One day she was driving along in her nice cerise Ford convertible when she decided she felt a bit hot. So what do you think she did? She took off her blouse, and it just so happened she had forgotten to put her bra on that day, so there she was, whizzing along the motorway, naked apart from her flimsy skirt which occasionally blew up a bit and revealed the fact that she was knickerless too. In fact, the only bits of her lovely body which were securely covered were her toes. But they were not visible to drivers of other vehicles.
After a short while, she overtook a large articulated lorry and when the driver glanced down at her, she waved gaily at him. She thought she heard him scream out "Phrwooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh" before he swerved off the tarmac and crashed into a large oak tree, knocking his silly brains out. His kids would miss him, but who cares? But she wasn't worried because she was very happy.
"Oh sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you!" she sang as the immortal tune pumped out of her retro-yet-very-trendy CD player. And she absent-mindedly fondled herself intimately as the car tore down the motorway.
And, do you know, Naughty Marietta's behaviour that day led to no less than twenty-three crashes, seven of them involving a serious injury and/or a fatality? And would you believe it? Only one person got killed (apart from the lorry driver who screamed out "Phrwoooaaahhhh" and then drove into a tree), but that one fatality was a newly qualified doctor whose favourite hobby was masturbating after internally examining his teenage girl patients. Well, who can blame him for that? It's only natural. God surely works in strange ways his wonders to perform.
PART TWO: Marietta In The Garden
"Ah sweet mystery of life at last I've found you..." trilled Naughty Marietta vivaciously as she lay on the sun lounger in her back garden. Her voice carried shrilly over the surrounding gardens as she had her earphones on and didn't realise she was practically yelling her pretty little head off. She was also more than half way to being totally wasted on Pimm’s Number 1, which no doubt contributed to her gay abandon.
A window opened and Plump Peter the Peeping Pervert looked out chubbily and salaciously. And what did he see? He saw the nearly naked nubile figure of the gorgeous Naughty Marietta lying spread-eagled in a wanton position on her Mediterranean blue sun-lounger, a table by her side and a large jug of what looked suspiciously like Pimm’s Number 1 on it. Although he fancied a glass of Pimm’s himself, he fancied Naughty Marietta much more. He looked longingly at her pert, suntanned, well-oiled breasts and he ogled her long, luscious legs, leading up to her marvellously musky (he hoped) minge which was barely covered by a teensy-weensy little nearly-opaque mini-thong. "Oooooooooooooooooohhh!" said Plump Peter to himself.
The Peeping Pervert rushed to fetch his SLR camera (the expensive Japanese one with the 150-275mm zoom telephoto lens he had smuggled through Customs in his capacious but odorous underpants). He would need his super-steady tripod too if his trembling fingers were to avoid blurring the images he wished to record of Naughty Marietta's promiscuous and teasing display of her sensual beauty. He also grabbed hold of a tube of "Superwank" hand cream and a box of Man-Kleenex so as to have a damned good masturbate during the photographic session he was eagerly looking forward to.
Soon the great photographer was in action: stark naked with a nascent mini-erection, he was hunched artistically over the Canon Super-Sure Shot, snapping away as Naughty Marietta innocently played with her rock hard nipples and slipped her eager digits under her thong, chastely unaware she was the object of such eager scrutiny by the happily masturbating Plump One.
But Naughty Marietta was not so foolish as Plump Peter thought. Oh no. She knew that perverts sometimes watched her at her guileless aestival pastimes. Anyone might have thought those sunglasses were just ordinary ones, but that was far from being the case. They were ultra-super-strength magnifying sunnies (as supplied to the military to seek out marauding snipers in the latest exciting desert Boys' Own Iraqi adventures). Her beady magnified glance had spotted Plump Peter's camera and the sunnies' built-in range finder had told her he was precisely 275 feet away, at 21 degrees elevation. She casually punched the co-ordinates into the control panel of her waiting state-of-the-art multi-shot crossbow, with an elegant flick of the wrist. She pressed the "GO" button and four sleek ultrasonic metal bolts shot out of the shining aluminium battery sited on the garden deck which Plump Peter had carelessly not spotted in his eagerness to record Naughty Marietta's nude loveliness.
"Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihhhhhhhhhh!" shrieked the overweight degenerate as three of the four projectiles found their mark on his unattractive person: one shattered his collar-bone, one got him in the left ear (partially removing the lobe) and the third demolished his upper front teeth. The fourth bolt sadly missed Plump Peter but it was not wasted: it smashed the zoom lens and, sadly for the great photographer, broke open the body of his lovely camera, thus exposing to the light of day the 34 photographs he had so carefully taken. As the naked pervert lay screaming on the floor, he found to his dismay that he had inadvertently defecated in agony and terror.
Naughty Marietta burst into song again to drown out the hideous screams from the wounded watcher: "Ah sweet mystery of life at last I've found you...." she warbled joyfully. It was one of her favourites. She paused in her vocalisation and sipped her Pimm's Number 1 reflectively. What a lovely summer's day! She burped happily.
PART THREE: Naughty Marietta Goes Shopping
Naughty Marietta was shopping in the supermarket one Summer morning when she met someone very unusual. It was a very hot day and, as was her wont, Naughty Marietta was wearing very few clothes. She had on a little bikini top and a mini-skirt but no panties on underneath (although you couldn't see that unless you were lying on the floor, looking up). Which is exactly where she saw this funny little man with an artificial leg.
"What are you doing down there?" she asked suspiciously.
"I'm trying to find some tinned peaches on the bottom shelf," said the funny little man.
"Oh, that's all right then," said Naughty Marietta, "I mistakenly thought you were trying to look up my skirt."
"Nothing could have been further from my mind!" exclaimed the funny little fellow. "Why on earth would anyone want to do anything as rude as that?" he added archly.
"Well, between you and me and the gatepost," confided Naughty Marietta, "I don't wear knickers in summer."
She helped the man to his feet and introduced herself. "I'm Naughty Marietta," she said, pumping the funny little chap's paw. "Won't you tell me your name?"
"I'm Victor the Voyeur," the man with the artificial leg explained but, just as he said the words, an announcement came over the store's loudspeaker explaining that a dead Yorkshire terrier had been found in one of the aisles and would its ex-owner come and claim the corpse. Thus, Naughty Marietta didn't hear Victor's name properly.
"I am so pleased to meet you Mr Le Voyeur! What an unusual name! Are you of French origin, may I make so bold as to enquire?" she trilled. "And isn't it terrible about the poor little Yorkshire terrier they just found? That's the fourth one this week!"
Victor decided he wouldn't bother to correct Naughty Marietta about his name. In fact, he rather liked the new name as it had a touch of class about it. He thought he might well change his name by deed poll. He replied, "I do believe there is a gang of Yorkie killers in the district. They are rumoured to sell the corpses to the local Chinese restaurant to go into their famous signature dish, Hound Chow Mein."
They bade each other goodbye and Naughty Marietta continued on her shopping trip. She left the supermarket and crossed over the road to go to Mr Slaughter's Famous Traditional Butcher Shoppe. She waited her turn to be served and then asked for a nice juicy slice of fillet steak. "I want a lovely big piece of meat to get my lips round," she explained guilelessly to Mr Slaughter. "Certainly, Naughty Marietta," replied the butcher, "I'll be happy to give you a big one." And he would have too.
She heard a scrabbling sound and glanced to her rear; she noticed Victor the Voyeur was lying on the floor again. This time she knew there was something amiss. She was NOT stupid. She could see there were no tinned peaches to look for in a butcher's shop! She worked out, quick as a flash, that he was just a nasty pervert who was trying to look up her skirt. So she took action. She opened her pink furry "Mr Rabbit" handbag and withdrew her catapult, inserted a sharp stone into it, and took aim at Victor.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihhhhhhhhh," screamed Victor in agony as the sharp stone hit him on the end of his pointed nose and split it open.
"That serves you right for being a pervert," she exclaimed contemptuously to poor old Victor who was rolling about the floor, his artificial leg clanking on the tiles. She stalked out of the shop.
"Manage to see anything, Victor?" enquired Mr Slaughter, as he helped the famous voyeur back to his feet (or should I say "foot"?).
PART FOUR: Marietta Goes To The Dentist
Naughty Marietta had a very bad toothache. It had been coming on for a few days and she had hoped the pain would go away but it didn't. It just got worse and worse. It gradually dawned on her that she would have to go to see a dentist.
Now, visiting a dentist is quite easy in many countries. But not in Britain. Oh no. On Britain you have to live in the right area before you can hope to find a dentist who will treat you on the National Health Service scheme; there are many towns where no dentists will treat you on the NHS. Or you might have to wait a month for an appointment.
Naughty Marietta phoned up every single dentist in her area and they all told her "private patients only". Naughty Marietta looked in her bank account to see if she could afford a visit to the dentist. She couldn't. But the pain got worse and worse and worse and she could hardly sleep, even stuffed to the gills with aspirins. So, figuratively speaking, she knew she would have to bite the bullet. It was credit card time! And so she made an appointment for the next day.
Off she went to the dentist, a Mr Igor Gobborvic, a newly arrived Bulgarian gentleman who spoke very little English. He asked her to sit in his chair in his nice new surgery and "Whoooooooooooooooooosh! - the chair reclined and Naughty Marietta lay there at Mr Gobborvic's tender mercy.
Mr Gobborvic examined her mouth carefully and told her the damage. She needed three fillings and the painful tooth itself was so rotten, it had to come out. And she needed a good gum clean-up too. "My Gewd Gott, but you heff so many bad tooths and gums in zere, vy for you not go to see dentist regular for goddam checkups?" demanded Mr G. He sniffed a lot, did some calculations and gave her an estimate of £650 for the whole course of treatment. Naughty Marietta screamed mentally at the cost but what choice did she have?
"OK, giff your creditov kart to ze receptionist and let's get to verk on your choppers gut und kwik!" barked the caring Bulgarian. "First of all I shall have to remove ze rotten tooth as ze smell is so bad it makes me vont to puke. For zis I need to giff you ze injection and I shall zerfore get out my needle to give you ze big prick in your mouth."
Naughty Marietta could not believe her ears. Here she was with a dreadful toothache and this guy was going to charge her hundreds of pounds to treat her and on top of everything else he wanted a blow job before he would get going!
She leapt out of the chair, picked up a convenient scalpel and shoved it into Mr Gobborvic's left buttock and stormed out of the surgery, pausing only to collect her credit card on the way. A girl has to retain a certain dignity she felt, as she yelled "You filthy Bulgar," through the window. She would go in search of a lady dentist; after all the worst that could happen there would be a bit of long-tongued muff-diving. She could always spit out the stray hairs.
PART FIVE: Marietta’s Little Black Dress
Naughty Marietta walked into the room. All heads turned. She looked stunning. Normally she wore just ordinary clothes, but she had made an effort this time, as it was the mayor's cocktail party, the great social event in her boring little town.
Marietta usually wore quite short little pink satin dresses, little frilly girlie numbers which revealed her lovely thighs, dresses to tease the town's voyeurs and Peeping Toms, and maybe no knickers. But tonight she was sophisticated and elegant. The men's jaws dropped and they drooled uncontrollably onto the mayor's new Axminster carpet.
She was wearing her new little black dress. It was cut daringly low at the front and (with a little bit of skill) you could see her nipples protruding over the top. At the back it soared down to her natal cleft and you could practically smell what she had eaten for breakfast.
The skirt was so short that, even standing up, 75% of her buttocks were exposed when she bent down to pat the mayor's ugly Pekinese puppy, Federico. And the front of her skirt was carefully hiked up so as to expose the pouch of her thong, with a couple of dozen stray pubic hairs hanging out each side.
The local Roman Catholic priest, Father Tucker, got such a big erection that he had to nip out to the mayoral lavvy and give himself a quick one off the wrist. He spilled some religious sperm on his cassock but never noticed, so excited was he at the image of Naughty Marietta which burned in his cortex.
The mayor's wife, the spectacularly ugly Mrs Haggletooth, was so annoyed that Naughty Marietta had upstaged her that she spat a mouthful of alcoholic phlegm at her. It missed and landed on her crippled mother, who fell out of her wheelchair with surprise.
Victor the Voyeur was entranced by the sight of his heroine but his artificial leg was giving him gyp that day so he was unable to get sufficiently excited to obtain a reliable stiffy for long enough to allow him to go for a hot spermy climax.
But Naughty Marietta was oblivious to all these sad goings on. She was so proud to be seen wearing her new black dress. The one she had borrowed from her father. He would not be needing it for some time as he was just beginning another two year stretch for child abuse. He could fuck off.
EDNA’S FOOTNOTE TO HER READERS
And thus we come to the end of this little series of stories about Naughty Marietta. Edna is working on a sequel.
Author notes
These lovely stories have been posted separately. But now I have revised them and now they are a little saga and extra lovely.
The sequel is now with us... http://www.allpoetry.com/poem/2155039 - it is in exquisitely good taste.
Edna edited these pre-written stories and created this lovely saga for you on 1st March, 2006.
In a list
Are you eager for the sequel? Say why (or why not).
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Lovely story, Marietta is such a naughty girl, yet somehow so carefree and happy! I think we could all learn something from this, don't you?
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SEQUEL!
Aha finalist.x
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Naughty little Marietta...little minx that she is, has a bit here and there in common with little Luna...have you been peering over my back hedge?
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Look what happened to the Plump Porno Photographer when he peeped over Marietta's hedge......... Would you like another recommended link? I'd appreciate yours..... (the link I mean).
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Yes, sweet Edna, link me up...but please, not too tighly. Yes, yes...I'd love to lick....er, link you.
I'll send it along...private post.
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I do believe this is your best work sweetface!
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I can't argue with that.
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It is obvious that you do not like perverts, I appreciate the quality of these writes. They are witty, imaginative and satirical, they are charming. The way you describe things brings about a lot of humor. I really like how you teach a lesson to the perverts, and this is almost like a warning to those out there who really do these things. I love how she is innocent, and still very sexual. Wow, great stories here.
♥ Tink
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Excellant lol/sensuous
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Well you need to tie some lose ends there. Sounds like she'd frighten anyone with those horrid British teeth of hers. But I suppose if her other parts is hanging out -- rotten smelling teeth don't matter? Yuck though.
May I make a suggestion? Why not have Naughty Marietta seek out a Brazilian Wax Job so as to keep those pubes from protruding from her thongy. That might make a lovely next installment.
I read it all because I'm polite that way and when you pay I feel obligated to partake.
I like Part 1 the best.
Lisa
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LOVVVVED ITTTT
i love this little story. and it has been a bout 26 years since i had pimm's #1 what a memorie that is. glad i got the divorce. keep on writeing. she sounds better than harry potter then again. -
The 'tinned peaches' bit was just so wrong, on so...so so many levels. Wonderful story though, now you made me want to go read more of your work. A sequel? YAY-ness!!!
The best line (IMHO):
As the naked pervert lay screaming on the floor, he found to his dismay that he had inadvertently defecated in agony and terror.
Amadeo
Great stuff! -
this was cool she reminds me of a siren
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Strange, sinfully delightful and astoundingly unreal. it is like trying to describe a dream. but i guess your thought, in a way, is laudable.
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Try panty liners my sweet so fresh and carefree.They even have the ones with a fragrant smell so one is always ready for the unexpected like being knocked down by a car and the nurses will at the very least have to admit.What a clean sweet girl.
And I know that is how you like to be remembered.Elizabeth -
I felt like I was reading naughty Aseops Fables! Gotta like Marietta! Someone has to have morals!
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hmm! Very interesting! Kept me very interested throughout the whole story - you know some stories can go on forever and you just cant wait for them to be done - but this one had me interested. Great job with this - and thanks for entering in the contest--all my love
Stephani -
woot for naughty
oh my... if you don't mind me saying... the tone of this writing is like something out of a elementary school reader but way too naughty!!! but at least literacy would be more appealing at a younger age. i'm not saying the writing is simple minded, it just has a lovely storytelling that verges on cute as the heroine gaily sings and shoots the peeping tom in the face with crossbow bolts.
there's also this bizarre sense of moral justice hehehe, supid wankers get their just desserts.
"...one fatality was a newly qualified doctor whose favourite hobby was masturbating after internally examining his teenage girl patients. Well, who can blame him for that? It's only natural."
some of the imagery and scandelous outfits she manages to put together... causing 23 car-crashes mwahahahaha... this line is just nasty but so grand.... why don't girls wear more dresses like this!!! heheh joking... only if guys will do the same
"At the back it soared down to her natal cleft and you could practically smell what she had eaten for breakfast."
my girl sent me this link and it is quite amusing... though i hope she doesn't get too many ideas, not that i would complain heheheh keep writing and i can't wait for the sequel, bravo
cheers
phil -
lol god i loved it woo write more!!
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an interesting twist. i would have not suspected stones to fly out of naughty's sunglasses :-)
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Nothing beats the dentist. I read this a while back and laughed my >>>> off. I read it to everyone in my family....It is hillarious. Thanks for the cheer up.
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I adored your comment. It's things like that which keep my knickers damp.
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Waiting further installments.
Naughty Marietta has passed that awkward "girly"stage and has blossomed into a lovely un-caring young woman.She has the power to kill,give a thrill enjoy the frill and has taken some French lessons.It is heart warming to see how much damage she can cause in the course of a day.A simple trip to the Supermarket is filled with surprises.Pimm's has never tasted so good and the effect she has on fat men with smelly underwear is quite delightful.Dentists can drill away at their leisure no pain just pleasure.
Is it true that she has now met a girl named Sweet Henrietta?Or is it just a nasty rumour.
Brilliant Edna.
Elizabeth.
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