She saw with smoke
And dripped vinegar from her lips
As she told me of her lack of feeling
Trying with all her might
She’d manipulate her muscles
To form a curve on her face
No heart behind the shape
She told me
Every time she’d think of god,
The wind would sting right through her clothes
As if he were mad and wanted her to know
She never learned the Word
Couldn’t force faith
Can’t see the stories
Can’t grasp faith
Can’t touch can’t feel
Can’t believe
She breaks down on the walk home
As the wind cuts right through her clothes
“If it meant I wouldn’t have to feel so alone,
I’d take force fed stories any day.”
Author notes
I hate feeling alone when i have so much.
Written February 26th, 2006
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Comments
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muy bien
exquisite. Best I've seen in a while, for real. I dunno why, I suppose I just get it...makes perfect sense, full of pain and confusion and everything that so many people are familiar with. go you. great write. -
Well written.
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First, the poem.
Ln. 11: Take out the 'it' after 'know', it distracts the reader, giving them nothing.
Ln. 17: Again a problem with the word 'it'. This line could be so much stronger without, well, 'it'!
Other than that, this is a strong piece. Very telling. Raw.
It's been such a long while my darling, and you've changed your name. I like it. But it made you difficult to find. Oh well. Hope all is as good as life allows.
~Andrew
P.S. I am still not over your qoute on your author page. It rings in my head as one of the most poetic phrases I've ever incountered. -
Welcome to life my friend.
Good write nonetheless.
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