Take time to tell me more
About anything & everything everyone else thinks
But babble about the docks down
Near Nairn Nook, moving more
People, pilling poorly into vehicles vainly
When worlds wobble & shake cyclically
Author notes
an alliterisen poem
all alliterations, by style created by the risen sun
Written February 26th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- The Alliterisen Contest by Raazi.
600 points, ended March 1, 2006, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
Excellent
Very well done. It flows perfectly, smoothly across the seas of the mind and eyes. Great job! -
i know it says in the comments that you're slightly off, missing a line to make it 7 and your syllable count is backwards, but don't despair! this is far better than what i could produce and trust me, a tough form to follow.
excellent topic, typical kryspinism! -
well, I popped it into the spellcheck to be sure a third time, and it's still giving me 2 Ls, and even if it didn't I would have left the two for the imagery effect you aptly notice. good stuff and thanks for the comment
-
I have doubts lol. I actually never learned about syllables, only 'beats', which caused me grief when i switched high schools for grade 13 many years ago...especially when we actually took up poetry a little more seriously than my previous schooling (from elementary to high school grade 12). unfortunately my poetic vocab wasn't as technical but it didnt reflected in my writing- i just knew what sounded off or sounded right or used a bit of freeflow/ free verse!
-
pilling has 2 Ls. it's correct. I typed the poem in my word processor, and when you said pilling was incorrect, i went back in to verify, and indeed- pilling has 2 ls. thanks for the comment
-
Definately a different way to look at any victim of natural diasters (I am coming to my own interpretation here) and though I disagree with the above comment about pilling; piling may be the correct spelling, but there is such an image of people pilling\ into a vehicle. Nice metaphor. Gregg
-
lol this was almost like a tongue twister if you say it fast enough.
-
Living on the water, I can picture these ferries piling people and cars as tightly as possible, and angering that last driver who got there too late! I'm not sure if this fits the syllable count of the alliterisen, but it is a wonderful descriptive poem.
-
Please read the revised rules.
Thanks.
-
Good effort!
INTERESTING WRITE. GOOD FLOW TO THIS PIECE. YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK YOUR SPELLING FOR "PILLING"... MAYBE THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU ACTUALLY WANTED TO PUT HERE. gGOOD LUCK IN THE CONTEST! DEBI -
oops! It's the wrong sequence. Your first line has six syllables. The second should have had 8. Also, the alliterisen requires a seven line verse. Anyways, thanks for all the hard work. If you have any doubts about how to write one, go ahead and ask me.
-
thimply thuperb
ooooh its affa well written. i love this kind of poem...sometimes im in the mood for no structure, sometimes some giudlines do good. i like how youve done this, nairn is a lovely place!!
it has superb sound throughout. all harsh and 'stormy' as the name suggests. it really is beautifully written. keep the snowy writing falling!! great stuff!
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
5 old applause
