Crammed into a stainless tube
bolted fast to turbine lungs,
each passenger is forced to sacrifice
the strong illusion of eternal self.
The lungs suck in a standing breath
which howls like a perpetual wind
and heaves the cylinder through space
above the spread of folding clouds.
Author notes
a random bit of nothing.
Written February 26th, 2006
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"a random bit of nothing."
This IS nothing without rhyme. -
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Not sure what you mean.
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It just DID NOTHING for me (bouncing off what you say in Author's Notes about it yourself). I thought if it were rhyming, at least there would be that.
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Ah. Well it didn't do much for me either.
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i'm scared of planes and shuttles.
interesting write,
but i think i'm more of a emotions person. lol -
Well Done!
Very creative, well written. I quite enjoyed readin' this... Good Job! -
i imagine this as a very big person, with huge lungs and enormous need to breathe and dispose.
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I wonder if it is the process of creation of any art...the struggles involved, to conform first with the dictates of the existing standards...or else if sufficiently gifted break rules, and make own...
D -
SIMPLE COMPLEXITY OF LITE NONSENCE
SEEMS TO ME THE APPEARANCE OF INEVITABLE DEATH HOVERS LIKE A OVERLOOMING CLOUD OF SOUL ENTRAPMENT SHOWING A HINT OF BITTERNESS ..SUCH A FAITHLESS HOLE/I TEND TO LOOK TOO DEEP INTO THINGS/WHATEVA'S CLEVER -
That's why I like gliders! The air moves me instead of the other way round.
Jim S -
wow this has expanded my fear of flying ten fold lol. its really awsome and i like the simplicty to it. i also like the strong use of imagry. well done
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*thumbs up*
Makes me want to fly...Hmmmm. But very great write, lots of visualization
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You know Erin, I have to be honest and say that this may be the one write that I do not think that I like. Why? I knew you were going to ask that... It seems so cold, "stainless" all of the work that I have read of yours has alwayd pulled my emotions from one extreme to the other. Maybe I was just spoiled in a way. I think of turbeculosis when I think of the use of turbine lungs... I think of a careless heart, which, I may not know you, but I do not think that is possible of you. However, it did make me visualize and think so a job well done there. I am just trying to give my honest opinion on this one,please do not hate me!!!!
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Brilliant
Hi Erin, To me this sounds like a space shuttle taking off into space, the sounds of the engines, and how the astronauts lungs must feel from the pressure of lift off and the folding of the clouds as it's passing through. I could be comepletly wrong on the way I see this poem, but thats a good poem, everyone has their own idea of what it could be but only the author knows for sure, or mayber even sometimes he doesn't. In any case great job as usual. -
As if seen from a far off planet... inspiring perspective.
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This is great! I've never thought of an aircraft in this way but it's so true. Great metaphors! Great job. Shancy.
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TRS: thank you sir. i could resist my muses if i so desired, so i'm not complaining, just being a goof. i'm actually overjoyed that they think of insignificant little me as worth their divine time. this was written really just to give a couple people an idea of what i'm looking for from their writing exercises, pop off the top of my head. figured i'd post it so they could see what others thought of it and also toss in their own two cents. lol
Edited on Feb 26, 1:07 p.m. because ''. -
There's nothing wrong with randomness. I don't know what to say about this write. Not like the rest of your writes.
Quite different, and as you said random. But your unpredictable muse has managed to produce another good write. The content may be (er...) not so good, and almost useless, but the way it was written, makes it a good write. Just goes to show that you can make a poem out of anything at all.
Well done!
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I meant that as a compliment..
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My muses play with me!
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How different for you Erin, I love to see more of this random side of you. Playing with the muse is a healthy exercise, and one that you do, like no other.
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V Good
I like this poem. Having been a long standing aviation enthusiast myself, it is good to see a different approach to the subject. Your poem brings us back to a truth, the truth that airliners are just machines. Thought provoking piece from someone who studies, practices and loves... -
Lovely piece of descriptive writing. Anything can sound kind of alien and strange when described in actual terms, seen through objective eyes
Kat
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