Cowering behind lies
hurled from callous lips
I curl up in despair.
I feel worthless
like the words he gives me.
His light blinds me
as he berates me.
I am nothing, for awhile.
Insignificant.
Lost inside myself.
I never should have listened
~ Giving weight to a language ~
that sought only to disparage my spirit.
I should have been deaf
turning my back on the malice he spewed.
After years of never being:
good enough
strong enough
thin enough
pretty enough
anything…
I wanted to die.
I walked under the moonlight
~ as the day washed away ~
and wondered where my dreams had gone.
It seemed like eons since I’d
existed
outside his vision of me.
I couldn’t remember who I was.
I counted the stars
and realized that I was like them
hidden
under the light of a merciless sun.
Then it hit me…
I belong to the night
As long as I face toward him
I am doomed be invisible.
How could I not have seen
that I shine without him?
That I have my own
beauty and value.
I turn my back on him
and waltz into the shadows.
Patricia Gibson-Williams
Author notes
Sometimes it still amazes me that I found the strength to walk away from a bad marriage. It took me years to realize that I was not the person he saw, the person he made me see. I've written several poems on this subject and I didn't think it was one I'd revisit, but it's what I thought of when I read the rules for this contest. There really was a "moment" when I rediscovered myself. One second I was worthless, and the next I was myself again. I remember laughing at him as he called me names (once again) and thinking, he’s crazy… he doesn’t even know who I am. From that moment on my marriage was over. I still struggle with the effects of 10 years of “never doing anything right” but thanks to my Joe I have someone to remind me that I am worth loving. Patti
Written February 26th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- a woman's voice by Cat.
350 points, ended March 4, 2006, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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This piece strikes especially close to home for me. I am so glad you found yourself in the midst of the dark. When i created this contest this was probably what i was thinking of personally as my turning point- my self discovery. So glad to see someone else recognize the same turning point of discovery in themselves.
Well articulated- thank you so much for entering the contest.
m -
An exceptional tale, a wonderful, deep, painful poem, but yet, filled with hope and passion, and the revelations of a soul who has put pain and rage behind.
I loved every line, but especially the ending, and the strong bond with nature.
Thanks so much for sharing, I feel better now that I've read it. -
I often wonder just how much someone can take before they say enough, and go on with their livves, instead of just being part of someone elses. Glad you found that moment and walked away. Well written- sentiments well expressed in these lines.
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excellent job
well let me say i am honored to be the first to review this lovely written poem it takes a lot of courage to walk away from something like this but it takes a real and whole person to be able to write and descibe that pain like you have.. that is the part of the healing that is so wonderful... thanks for sharing this beautifully written poem.. beleive me I know exactly where you are coming from I was in this same type of relation ship for 8 years.. was scared to stay and even more scared to leave.. just one day you get enough cause you feel you have already died inside anyway.. sortta what else can happen it would be a relief feeling.. tremendous job.. look forward to reading others you have written.. thanks for sharing.. been a pleasure to read for you.. hydrine
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