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Mirage

We sat together on a bench
The birds were singing
You gently touched my leg
Desire from a human being!
I feel you all over me
It feels too good to be true
A whisper in my ear
It's hard to tell
I awake and realize I'm still in hell

Author notes

sorry, I can't write happy poems! I'm not sad or something but it's somehow easier for me to write sad stuff..
Written February 25th, 2006

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Frodofan silver member
    February 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Not quite flowing but still good. I like your finish. I think a lot of people will be able to relate to this one. But HEY, if I can find hope almost anyone can.


  • issue
    February 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    thanks in return!

  • stephcheergirl
    February 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I might be sad but its still go and has a lot of meaning and I like poems with a lot of meaning. By the way thanks for commenting on my poem "The Sun". It is greatly appreciated.
    ~steph~

  • issue
    February 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thank for giving me such an awesome criticism ! I'm glad you like it. Such comments encourage me to write further poems. Thanks.

    I also corrected my mistake, thanks for mentioning it.



    Edited on Feb 26, 9:08 because ''.


  • shubs
    February 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Superb

    Of all known forms of a miraculous destiny man winds up in his own state of affairs and here he makes the cardinal mistake of underestimating fate's many powers and life's unending vicissitudes.
    Love in all its forms is an ethereal feeling but a mirage over here creates an overture which is but a dangling carrot in front of a donkey,i.e. man and with due respect to both the species.
    Your poem pleases me with its pessimistic overtones... Shubs

    Please change

    It feels to good to be true=It feels too good to be true


  • She burns
    February 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    So creative and powerful,It's like a dream then you wake up then realize it's a nightmare,Very true and honest


  • issue
    February 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    thank you.


  • Puppydog gold member
    February 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    WONDERFUL POEM

    I know that I have had these thoughts only to come back to the real world. You have expressed your self so wonderfully here.


  • issue
    February 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    thanks a lot! I'm glad you like it. I hate that feeling by the way ^^ ;/

  • HollyWood
    February 25, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    wow, the ending is such a shock. Harsh but realistic, very nicely done. There are a lot of people who go through this very thing, very nicely done, great job.

1 - 10 of 10