After all we have said and done,
you sit there and tell me, its going to be OK.
how will it be OK?
the pins are going deeper in to my skin.
So they will bleed, bleed with the pain I'm feeling.
What are we now?
Are we still as like be for?
I sit in my room.
No sun light,
as it shows what you what i have become.
As u walk closer i move away.
Soon I will hit a wall,
And have know were Else to run.
then u will see wot we have become.
What are we now?
this question keeps replaying in my mind.
After the shouting,
As u move away.
The pins start to come out,
And as they hit the floor so does the blood
that they kept locked inside of me.
As time past the floor around me becomes red.
As i fall to the floor all i see is u .
All i hear is. What r we now ?
Author notes
Written February 24th, 2006
A contest entry
- your favourite write by neonuts.
300 points, ended July 27, 2006, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TwIsTeD by InMyFlames.
650 points, ended October 28, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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this is a nice poem, a few errors though that need fixing, dont use abbreviations such as "u" it turns the reader off the piece. i enjoyed it though.
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first off let me apologise for not leaving this feedback sooner I've had a really hetic couple of months and unfortunately it fell when I posted a contest, and my computer keeps playing up, so I'm only now getting round to leaving everyone feedback
This piece really grips you the sadness is overwhelming, I hope that things have improved since this was written, thanks so much for sharing this piece -
I love this poem....great Job.. and i have been there before...so i know how u feel.the blood draining from your skin makes u feel like ur problems are too-but then u wake up in hospital and alls wrong with the world again! Luv ya loads xxxx
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