i am mercurial and vague,
the hint of a storm
at odds with itself
on a far, unknown horizon.
yet i am here, in these walls,
lacking sight and stable reason,
a blight,
a fatal lesion
on the skin of lesser gods.
blind,
idiotic,
inappropriately erotic
in this vacuum nestled deep
behind eyes that long for sleep,
i feel like chaos in a cage,
bars etched or marred
by my failed attempts to fly.
i don't feel human anymore,
perhaps because i've never been.
such pained and troubled souls
are not meant to be aware
of their chemical prisons.
we are blind because our visions
were stripped from us in youth.
we are not meant to know the truth
or how mortals feel -
we aren't meant to be alive
we aren't meant to be real.
Author notes
Just for clarification, as people have complained that the poem is confusing, it is a metaphor-heavy description of bipolar disorder.
Written February 24th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
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"inapproprately erotic" i love it.
well- it is mildly confusing, but I rather enjoy the ambiguity. In point of fact, this piece could apply to many things, not just bipolar disorder.
either way, some of the imagery here is genius. Simply genius. Bravo.
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lol! yeah
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I agree.
Saying it was secretly fact is like saying that Mel Brooks writing on Jesus in "the Two Thousand Year Old Man in the Year 2000" was secretly fact, and that he should be proclaimed a prophet. -
Crowley's Thoth books specifically reference Sumerian deities, but in the contexts of Egyptian worship, and Lovecraft was Crowley's friend.
While the names in Lovecraft's works are very similar, the content is often nothing like the realities of necromancy. -
i agree entirely, Eusebius. i think my strong feeling (in calling it "fraudulent") is due to the fact that making it a "real" religion takes away from the genius of its creator - lovecraft. he had an incredible imagination and was haunted with those visions in his sleep, but i feel it was definitely the creative genius of a disturbed mind, no different than many other authors and artists have possessed. i adore lovecraft's works and i just feel that giving credence to the little following that occured later - the necronomicon's sudden emergence in literature - is stealing the glory of a truly gifted author and claiming he only wrote fiction based on secret fact.
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The rhyme and rhythm here are irregular which, in some poems, can be aggravating, but here it works. The overall theme of darkness and nihilism are verywhere here and very well done. I don't like to think that this is what the world is like these days, but I have no choice but to believe since the proof is all over the place. Very good job!
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Wow, i really like this! There aren't many people who can accurately describe the feeling of being in chaos within yourself, but you do it perfectly. I really enjoyed reaing this poem; your flow was excellent by the way. I was drawn in by the title, but the way you wrote this makes me love your poem! Great job!
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thank you for the input, Van. i think the proper way to view the transition in the poem is in the form of macrocosm vs. microcosm, shifting from something godlike to something pitifully mortal - yet tied together by one common theme - blind chaos. my reference to the necronomicon (or al azif) being fraudulent is due to its emergence not occuring until after lovecraft's stories were published and read, and also for the fact that evidence doesn't weigh in its favor as an authentic work. its references to sumerian deities which later were absorbed into babylonian mythos frame it as one of the oldest religions known to exist, yet it never saw light until after lovecraft's work, and he was not a grand researcher. therefor, i find it difficult to believe that he knew of a secret and real religion that was obscured from the sight of all other people until after his death. i realize crowley made references that have often been "translated" into these same gods, as though he was being cryptic and changing the names, but i also think crowley makes a strong enough case for himself with any reading that his work is quite often tongue-in-cheek and meant to gain followers and mystify the unitiated moreso than actually represent any real magickal connection with the universe. we'll all have our opinions. there are people who buy completely into ouija and others who think it's bollocks. religions are no different, i suppose. my personal opinion, however, is that none of the Ancient or Great Old Ones go farther than the incredibly unique fiction of a young and underappreciated author. by the way, i'm going to check out your work now. someone with that much insight and such strong opinion is bound to be worth reading. thanks again.
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A nicely done poem! The Necronomicon was made up out of whole clothe, as Lovecraft freely admits, in the 1920s. There are extant "copies" of the book, WRITTEN AFTER THE FACT! In other words folks wrote the book after Lovecraft "created" it!
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Great write...Nice to see someone else who appreciates the works of Lovecraft! Some of my writes are along the same lines much inspred by the stories of H.P.
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Good use of metaphor through out the poem. Being trapped inside chaos pretty much sums it all up. Rather crudely.....
"i don't feel human anymore,
perhaps because i've never been"
I think we've all felt like that at one point or another. Which makes the poem relatable......which is good...
"the hint of a storm
at odds with itself
on a far, unknown horizon"
My favorite part......
Keep writing -
chaos.
Do NOT need to explain this poem in the authors comments. Anyone who can't read into a simple fucking metaphor doesn't deserve to understand the poem.
Not that your metaphor was simple. It was wonderfully intricate, and your language was fantastic, full with interesting insight, and graced by the bronzing touch of the occasional rhyme. I thought it was absolutely flawless in execution until stanzas 2 and 3.
Perhaps it is my experience with this "fraudulent" religion, but I find the idea of AzaThoth being compared to something that was a human to be a bit ridiculous. I think that ruined it for me, though its obviously about you, not him. The last line was a lovely way to end the piece, and I think you are a very good writer who is presently going on my favorites list.
I leave you with this, an excerpt from the Liber Ligaeth of Al Azif:
"And the Old Ones hold foul and formless Azathoth for Their Master abd Abide with Him in the black cavern at the centre of all infinity, where he gnaws ravenously in ultimate chaos amid the mad beating of hidden drums, the tuneless piping of hideous flutes and the ceaseless bellowing of blind idiot gods that shamble and gesture aimlessly for ever.
The soul of Azathoth dwelleth in Yog-sothoth and He shall beckon unto the Old Ones when the stars mark the time of Their coming; for Yog-sothoth is the Gate through which Those of the Void will re-enter. Yog-sothoth knowest the mazes of of time, for all time is one unto Him. He knowest where the Old Ones came forth in time along long past and where They shall come forth again when the cycle returneth.
After day cometh night; man's day shall pass, and They shall rule where They once ruled. As foulness you shall know them and Their accursedness shall stain the Earth." -
i'll just be lazy and say 'ditto' to cheeky's comment.
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thank you so much for your comment, cheeky. i guess you're the audience i'm looking for!
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i do, but i'm of the opinion that the book "necronomicon" is a fraud based loosely on the fiction of H. P. Lovecraft. his stories featured bizarre, chaotic "deities," really more like alien species much more powerful than humans and largely misunderstood. Azag-Thoth, Azagthoth, Azathoth - whatever name it/he is called, it represents a chaotic and formless mass unaware of itself in any real sense and therefor completely dangerous. hence my usage here. i'm happy that you recognize the reference though. if you haven't read Lovecraft, give him a read.
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amazing!!:)
wow! i have been on this site for a while and i have to say that this is my favourite poem i have read....ever.
i read the other comments made about this and by the sounds of it people are confused at your poem, the strange thing is...i'm not confused bt this at all. i think its amazing.
nice write
~vicky~ -
Very Intresting!!
Umm...Intresting. Very cool, a little bit confusing but cool none the less. Love your style. Keep it up!! -
Wow! That was cool! I suppose you've heard of Sumer (a religion based in Mesopotamia: a friend of mine follows this practice, and I have heard many mentions of Azag-Thoth, amongst others, as well as read the Necronomicon. Do you know anything about this?
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HHmmm I always feel so bad when I don't completely understand someones work...and here comes that feeling now. I like this peice...it is very thought provoking to say the very least....and there are some things that I 'get' in here..perhaps more reading will shed some light for me. I love poems that make me dig a lil deeper. Well done.
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wow this was very intrigueing a bit confusing but very interesting. Kudos
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