sitting waiting wanting
MORE
singing speaking teaching
THE SCORE
spreading dividing disecting
POOR
pulling pushing including
THE DOOR
Author notes
Written February 23rd, 2006
What did you think
Comments
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THAT IS TRUE POETRY DOE NOT HAVE ANY RULES BUT SOMETIMES ANOTHER PAIR OF EYES WOULD SEE SOMETHING DIFFERENT THEN I CAN SEE I WILL EXPERIEMENT WITH THIS POEM AND SEE WHAT IS THE OUTCOME I WILL POST IT WHEN ITS READY (SORT OF..) THANX AGAIN FOR YOUR ADVISE AND HONESTY ABOUT MY POEM
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Beautiful... Honestly, I like it as is. But if you, the poet, feel something is missing than what you should do is try something different. Go into a different scheme, or pattern. Or go prose, and then repeat what you have now as a sort of chorus. Or just think outside of the box, and do something completely different entirely. It's up to you, and I would like to see what became of this one if you experimented with it. Poetry has no rules, so there's nothing to break. Let me say again... I enjoyed.
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THANX FOR THE COMMENT AND I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND SO I CHANGED THE "DA" TO "THE". I TYPED THE POEM THE WAY I WROTE IT FROM MY COLLECTION OF POEMS SHOULD I HAVE GIVING MORE DESCRIPTION? IN MY OPINION I STILL THINK ITS MISSING SOMETHING
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Honestly, this could have been a very powerful poem. But I couldn't make it past all the "da's" in place of "the". Looking beyond that, This was great. Short and simple, but effective. Don't get me wrong, I like it. I'm just dissapointed with your choice of wording. Oh well. well done.
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