The morning drizzle, falls so steadily
on soggy ground, unrelenting in its
midwinter dousing. No sunrise will grace
the east with shades of gold today, instead
pale thin light seeps into this dampened day.
The milking shed’s awake with morning chores,
the cows each shuffle into their own space
a daily routine for both man and beast.
They stand and eat as steam rolls off their backs
and fills the air, as smells of farm life build
the men take little heed, their senses dulled.
A gentle lowing echoes through the shed
an earthy sound to offset machinery,
production and progress now separate
and sterilize this once intimate task.
A hint of morning light now peeking through,
four hungry brothers cross the mud-soaked yard,
A mother works to fill their coffee cups
as thick cut bacon sizzles in the pan.
A prayer of thanks is given for this day.
Author notes
This poem was insired by
Milkers at Daybreak
by Lyndon
allpoetry.com/poem/1757204
Written February 20th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Winklings & Friends - by invitation by Lyndon.
500 points, ended March 15, 2006, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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very well done adding themes such as mechanization, change, still the traditions hold, brothers, old fashioned food, cooking,gratitude, living with nature as close as we still do... a wonderful visit for he reader...PK
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Imagery at it's best
Susan, you've brought each of the senses to life in this, I was going to say 'Pastorial poem' and realize I was mistaken on the form.
Each section stands alone bringing a very vivid picture as to what is happening and experiencing it for ourselves.
" No sunrise will grace
the east with shades of gold today, instead
pale thin light seeps into this dampened day"
Excellent image, the sun section is a beautiful thought with shades of gold, ending with the parallel of light seeping, as is the soggy ground.
The center has brought the farm to life, sights, sounds, smells and we are witness to progress of the times, and daily routines which are done as if on auto pilot.
Conclusion is wrapped up wonderfully, early chores finished, a moment of respite before heading out again. Wholesome, with family values. You really brought back some wonderful memories for me, thank you!
Sorry I couldn't give a real critique, but frankly I couldn't find anything that needs fixing! Awesome writing
Wishing you all the best! Blessings
Sandi
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Lovely
Susan,
I enjoyed reading this poem. It made me feel better deep down in my heart. I'm finding it hard to find happiness right at this partricular day. I had a bad day and it is bringing me way down. I thought that I would come and read some poems and hopefully they make me feel better. It too has been a long time since I read anyone's poem.
I love you Susan. I think of you often.
~Kalen -
This is a beautiful poem with great images... I see the triptych as three little poems: the stanza in the middle is situated in the shed - milking the cows - the first and last before and after the milking. I also noticed the different smells: a fresh morning smell - the smell of farmlife - and the homely bacon smell. I must say: Very well done Susan. Anna.
Edited on Feb 26, 2:32 p.m. because 'typo'. -
A poem really worth entering.
The first scene, appropriately short, addresses the setting, in particular the weather.
Now, it so hasppens, that for farmers, the most ineresting topic is obviously the weather. I applaud your first picture.
"pale thin light seeps" is very Eliotesque.
The central picture, the body of the poem, establishes the movement in the cowshed.
I certainly feel a contrast to the winter drizzle. Activity is all ago. "The men take little heed. Their senses dulled" is good, unpretentious poetry.
Ah,breakfast as morning light breaks through, the milking done.
I feel you have used the form for a rural idyll. Good on you.
The pictures in the three parts contrast but they are intimately connected functionally and chronologically.
The musty smell of rain shifts to the smell of steaming cows to the smell of sizzling of thick bacon.
The noise of the rain 'falling steadily" contrasts to the dry business of all the acivities in the cowshed from cows shuffling to gentle lowing echoes to insinuated clanking of machinery.
The final stanza brings the sizzling in the pan in a transfer to the kitchen.
This poem is practically devoid of figurative language, which given your style and tone, is a strength. As with pictorial art, you painted word pictures well. An excellent poem. Ron. 
Edited on Feb 25, 12:02 because ''. -
i am not familiar with this new form, i will have to look at it in more detail sometime, well i have already visited you before this contest so i will just smile and wish you good luck
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Wonderfully vivid imagery and mood you've created in this, Susan
Phrases like "pale thin light seeps" and "dampened day" set it up beautifully. The milking shed sights and sounds are so clear.
And, the final scene of sizzling bacon and prayer of thanks is the perfect finisher. Dang, I'm hungry!
Great stuff!
~Gen
Edited on Feb 24, 2:15 because 'typo'. -
Rapier -
I know what images I am trying for, but am never sure if I really nail them until someone else reads it and gets the same impressions, or their version of the same impressions. I like image poetry more than philosophy or emotive.
So thank you for letting me know I got there.
Susan -
oh you did it in the last stanza, you created an image of farm life and then hit the nail on the head with the sizzling bacon, all that was needed was the thick cut doorstep slices of bread layered with butter, well done loved it, I can still taste the bacon
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Ya know, this is an amazing form. One I tried to challenge but found myself lost. Brilliant write. Best wishes in the contest, this is really wonderful!!
Sam
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This was a scene much viewed in my childhood.
Beautifully written.
John -
Beautiful imagery. I can never stop marvelling at the images you create qith your form... Lovely work. All the best.
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The images are very clear, Susan, this scene must be repeated in the millions each morning. I feel as if I should be shaking off my sleep, your description of the early morning hour is excellent.
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the daily routine. life is not all dancing and singing i suppose, some days are just good old fashioned days. an earthy piece.
aye i had posted that cinquain before it had been stated a single one, i just removed it
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