oops, I fell down again
chemical influence
look around, how many people to fool this time?
how many lies to make them not see?
they'll fade to scars soon enough
I just have to be convincing
I'm laughing aren't I?
I still have a smile on my face?
distract from the bloodshot eyes that track my tears
I try to only cry on the inside
mommy, are you proud of me now?
your little girl, all grown up and lashing out
I have many talents you don't approve of
and I like to watch it bleed
oops, I think I fell down again
chemical insistence
shit, didn't I wear my long shirt
fuck, I forgot about my arm
maybe you won't notice
it only hurts for a little while
just until I’m numb again
yes I do love you too
oh, please don't think I don't
I'd never lie to you like that
oh those cuts? they're from the animals
you know I have a zoo
don't look at me like that
can't you see I'm telling you the truth?
it's never quite me that sits and watches them bleed
and sometimes I don't remember
but I'm not crazy, just a little misunderstood
mommy, are you proud of me now?
your little girl all grown up and wigged out
hitting my knees just to make my millions
so I can prove I'm just as good as my sister
I promise he's nice
and only hits me once in a while
and isn't love supposed to hurt?
oops, I guess I fell down again
chemical indifference
gonna fill me full of pills again?
how many people do I have to lie to this time?
smile at the doctor, make nice
I don't need those sir
can't you see I'm just fine
and besides, won't they hurt the baby?
oh, my past?
I've left it behind again
for real this time, I'm on my own
I'm so sorry doctor for wasting your time
but I don't need this prescription
my boyfriend's waiting for me outside
he'll take care of me
mommy are you proud of me now?
your little girl, all grown up and tripping out
on my back I'll keep him happy
or any way he wants me
oops, did I fall down again?
chemical intentions
mommy are you proud of me?
your little girl, all grown up and suicidal
say good bye, wish me well
I'm only a little bi-polar
Author notes
Written February 20th, 2006
A contest entry
- Poetry too good to publish by just rob.
1000 points, ended March 6, 2006, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Phenomenon #2 by Ryno.
300 points, ended February 9, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Come along AP Poets, Time to Win!! by Hebz.
525 points, ended March 17, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bipolar, ADHD, Skitso, ect. by Elvenfairy.
341 points, ended October 3, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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this broke too many of my rules to be eligable for judging. Thank you anyways for entering my contest, you really showed what soem people with bipolar go through.
-
Powerful and sad.
-
I think this would be a much stronger poem if it were cut up into some stanzas to go along with it. It had some great concept. Thanks for entering Prewrites, good luck.
~Ryan~ -
thanks for your comments!! this one was a hard one to write, mostly because when i was (finally) diagnosed i wasn't sure how to handle it, and i ended up taking everythign out on the wrong people. that was almost 6 years ago now, and i am proud to say i now understand, and live with it quite well, having recovered after being in abusive situations. thanks again for commenting, and thanks for holding a contest that appeals to all of us who write "outside the box"
~Jaymy -
This is dark, and it hurts to read it. That's really the point isn't it? This seems to me a departure to me. In the usual context of depression/ bi-polar disorder poetry, I mean.
The personal aspects display a mature understanding of the whole situation in a way I find as refreshing as it is dark.
There is a certain closeted wisdom mixed with the pain. Well done.
Peace, Rob -
this is personal??
'mommy, aren't you proud of me'
This is such a sad poem, Jaymy. I could feel the heartache, the pleading for help and understanding... the kind that makes the heart hurt to be without it, to not be able to accept the situation for what it really is, abuse and self abuse. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you do whatever it takes to make your life better....
A very good spilling out, Jaymy.
Good luck in the contest
ramblin
Edited on Feb 20, 10:33 p.m. because ''.
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