It once was said by a wise man:
'Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.'
Now I, a fool-hardy youth have to say:
Do go gentle into that good night.
Do not waste the fading light.
In youth do not squander the day,
Laughing all your cares away.
Use the brightest time of your life,
To remove all causes of trouble and strife.
Improve yourself 'till twilight's start,
That you might strengthen the weak of heart.
Do this until the day's close,
That you may finish life in repose.
Please dear sir and youngest boy,
Make your final hours a joy.
Walk to the sunset without dour,
Let it be your finest hour.
So when those whose sun still shines high,
See your final hours drawing nigh.
May they see a man who is content.
Not one whose last feeble hours are spent
Fighting the surest force on earth,
Time the thing that has no dearth.
My friend as twilight draws nigh,
Do not fret or moan or sigh.
Remember what a fool-hardy youth once said:
Do go gentle into that good night.
Do not waste the fading light.
Author notes
An old favorite
I thought of this walking to my english class yesterday(yesterday being 2-16-06). Basically I was contemplating Dylan Thomas's Poem 'Do Not go Gentle Into That Good Night', and this came out. I don't know why, but there you go.
This poem might've also been slightly inspired by this quote from a monk from 1100 AD:
"When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it was the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn’t change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn’t change the town, and as an older man, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realized that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world."
I don't know for sure if my subconcious translated this into my poem a bit, but the messages definitely correlate.
Written February 17th, 2006
A contest entry
- Almost Anything by Kyrie Eleison.
300 points, ended September 17, 2006, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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liked the poem thought it was a very nice thought to have walking to class!!! I bet you had a good day!!! Hhaha!!!
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wonderful
but i still am more on the side of do not go gentle into that good night... merely because i am a passionate spirit and i would rage and rage for the last of life before turning and rushing to wherever i am winging to...
Thomas was well aware of his admonishment, he was well aware that the night was good, that the dark was enfolding without malice, but one must, with love, rage.
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To truly understand the context of my poem, you really need to read the poem that inspired me (which I reccomend you do if you haven't). Dylan Thomas's poem talks about raging against death (fighting the inevitable), my poem is about accepting your fate and making the most of life while you have it, that's it.
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Um, it's interesting but you lost me right at the beginning. You say that now YOU say TO go gentle into the night but then the rest of your poem, to me, seems to agree with the quote you are disagreeing with. Eh, too complicated for me.
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I really liked the intelligence in this poem. You are a gifted writer and even on a site like AllPoetry that's a rare jewel to stumble across.
I love the was you wrote this, I like the advice it gave. Great job on this truthfully.
~*destiny*~ -
This is a very good piece, I liked it a lot. Thanks for entering my contest
.Overall good write
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this is a very skilled write, thank you for your entry. i thought you did a wonderful job
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Hi when you use quotes from other poets you really should put all quoted in inveted comma, this is so you will not be accused of stealing another poets work, thought you might like to know,Di
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Oh, and my piece is amazing because of the old-timey wording, awesome vocabulary, attention to Mr. Thomas's original style, and the genuine personal message.
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I'd really reccommend reading it, as I interpreted the poem to be about one on the edge of death (light=life, night=death).
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ive never read Mr. Thomas' poem....i just took it from the line...perhaps i should read it lolol...hmm...but not now...im too tired...maybe later...remind me to next time im on lolol...thanks
-Anthony -
I'm curious, how did you interpret Mr. Thomas's poem, because I really can't make head or tail of your last comment. Also, did you like the poem (warts and all) or am I just a miserable failure in your distinguished eyes?
Edited on Jun 20, 1:00 because ''. -
kudos
i want to explain to you the difference between your words and Dylan Thomas' words
Thomas (poetized)
'Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.'
You
'Do go gentle into that good night.
Do not waste the fading light.'
You and Thomas are saying, basically, the same things. 'Treasure the light, for it is going away'
but there are 2 major differences. Thomas is selfless. You are selfish. Thomas is saying to fight that which would kill the light...to save the light, that others may enjoy it...to fight to keep hold of it as long as possible...much like the great cheif Seattle did in preserving and protecting nature...for his children "we do not inherit the world from our ancestors, but we borrow the world from our children". You, on the other hand, much like any american (not to be rude) say "indulge in the light...use it while it's still here" your way brings us pleasure, in that we get the light...but, if we don't fight to keep it...noone else will get it...if we just use it, and not preserve it...it will go away....i hope you can understand...
and the second choice, though it seems the best for us, is not indulging in something at other peoples expenses racks and tears our consciences...until they rip and are no longer there...being selfless, and doing things for others is a great joy, and brings you much of it...sacrifices are much, much greater than blessings...as my Lord once said 'it is more blessed to give than to recieve' I pray you, and all of us, can come to this realization...the world would be so much of a better place...don't you agree??
-anthony
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ahh another poem inspiring us to seize the day...
few suggestions
change the line
"Make your final hours a joy"
into
"make your final hours a wonderous joy"
it fits the rhythm better
i too admire your willingness to learn...it is an amazing (and, i know, hard worked for) characteristic...good job...though your not yet amazing, i can see it in your future...and i can feel your youth in this peice and your words...its refreshing..(lolol im only 14...i speak as if im an old man)
the words of that unknown monk ring true...we change things by first changing ourselves...
why is your peice amazing??
-Anthony -
sometimes we find inspiration, in what others have written previously. thanks for the entry
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are you really only eighteen? ...what a wonderful philosophy in this poem...beautiful, and beautifully written, (although i have to say, "dour" seemed a bit forced to me too...sorry
...maybe, to fit the old feel of the word, "be not dour" would be better?)
"May they see a man who is content.
Not one whose last feeble hours are spent
Fighting the surest force on earth,
Time the thing that has no dearth."
these are wonderful lines....
anyway, i loved this one, and am bookmarking it...thanks for the amazing reminder of how one should life one's life. keep writing, with your talent and ability to grow and take constructive criticism, you will shine!!!!
~tryst
Edited on Mar 20, 7:54 p.m. because ''. -
Thank you very much ma'am I appreciate your complement.
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Hello Spamkid,I like your poem and admire you for taking the advice given, it all makes for better poets at the end of the day, for this attitude I give you my applause. Val
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Gotcha, I'll get that done.
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The only applitude I will note and point out is this:
Whenever your dealing with a quote, ALWAYS place quotation marks there to show that it's that person you're using the quote from...even if you're replying back with your own created quote and/or statement.
Like this:
It once was said by a wise man:
"Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
Understand now?
Rae -
whoops. well with or without so I thought it sounded a bit funny, but it's nothing major as I said, just how I myself would do it. I looked at two sources which said it was pronounced that way, but if your source says differently then so be it.
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I checked in my dictionary and it said both pronuciations of the word ('door'and the our-sounding dour) were accecptable ways. I can see what you mean with a so in front the word dour, but the line is and always has been 'don't be dour', not 'don't be so dour' which in this case works for me. As you said it is a matter of opinion, and differing opinions do add spice to life.
Again, many thanks for helping me make this poem better
-Steven
Edited on Mar 15, 2:47 p.m. because ''. -
the proper pronunciation for dour is actually similar to door. you can look it up if you'd like. as I said "don't be so_" is too modern sounding to use a word like dour. but it is your choice. it was only an opinion.
best wishes,
lea
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I got you on the syllables, I'll definitely work on that, because I really like this poem, and really want it to live up to it's potential. Though I beg to differ with the dour/hour thing for a few reasons. Firstly: when I say dour and hour, they rhyme (they both end with an 'our' sound when I say them). Secondly, dour was used to add a more mature feel to the poem. In a normal conversation, this wouldn't work well but in the context of the poem, which is intended to have an older feel to it, I think it works.
Thanks again for your solid, honest critique, and your excellent suggestions.
-Steven the SPAMkid -
first of all I applaud you for taking criticism so well and for aiming to improve your poem. those who do this are the ones who end up writing well. and your poem is better than it was before. I am going to go over it once more though, just to note any changes which I think could make it even better. feel free to take or leave the advice.
to begin with, let's look at these two lines:
Improve yourself 'till twilight's start,
So that you might strengthen the weak of heart.
I think if you omit so in that second line, it would improve the flow and sound of the piece. this is because the first line has 8 syllables. with the so in the second line, you get 10 syllables. but by omitting it, you only have 9. keeping the syllable count as close as possible to the same for each line will help your poem to flow better. so it seems like a fairly small change, but being consistent with these things helps in the bigger picture. the only time I would not think about syllable count is if you're doing a more free verse type piece (though it can matter then too, depending on what you're going for) or if you're doing a beat piece.
next, I would omit the so from So that you may finish life in repose for the same reason.
also, the line Walk to the sunset, don't be dour, is a little off sounding to me for two reasons: one, dour really doesn't rhyme that well with hour (though the spelling would appear to) and two, dour is such a mature sounding word and sounds funny with "don't be so__" since we're used to hearing things like "don't be so coy, goofy", etc. does that make sense? this is what we mean by forced rhyme. sometimes it's too difficult to find a natural rhyming word so we end up choosing any word that rhymes and we end up running into problems because it doesn't always sound natural. I believe that's the problem with this line.
so if you could go over this a bit more, try to make the syllable count a bit more even, and find a solution for the dour/hour dilemma, I'd say this would improve your poem even more.
best wishes,
lea
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Okay, I can appreciate that, I took your comments into consideration, and made an attempt at re-editing the work. I hope that it at least more suitable for your contest then it was before I started.
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I thank just about everyone who enters unless they enter something which is outrightly rude or hateful, etc. just because your poem is not what the contest called for does not mean I don't appreciate the effort. there is no need for you to remove it unless you feel you should.
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Thanks for your constructive criticism, I'll definitely apply some of your suggested edits to the poem. Though I am a bit confused, if I have unwittingly put in a forced-rhyme poem for your contest, why are you thanking me for my entry? I broke one of your cardinal rules for this contest. Does that mean that despite its flaws it has definite substance, or were you just being polite. In which case, should I withdraw it from your contest in respect to you? Or am I thinking too much into this? Anyway, thanks for your suggestions, and I hope that your contest goes well.
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I'm afraid that this is a forced rhyming poem. a good example is this line:
So that the light dying you won't apprehend.
when you have to change the placement of a verb from how you would normally speak just to make it rhyme, you know you're forcing it. if you can't rhyme naturally, it's better not to rhyme at all.
also, there need not be a period at the end of each sentence. it makes it read like a car which brakes every 2 minutes. it causes the reader to pause where they would not normally pause and makes flow impossible. a good example of this is:
Do this until near day's end.
So that the light dying you won't apprehend.
using a comma instead of a period there would work. you could even omit the comma and use nothing at all since the line break can work as well.
finally,
Not someone who's last feeble hours are spent is incorrect. who's here should be whose. who's is a contraction meaning "who is" or "who has" but you are using this in a possessive manner, which would mean you need to use the other form.
thanks for your entry,
lea -
It's a nice poem, I'll have to read the poem by Mr. Thomas.
Um, I would like to advise you that I have only...THREE (yes, three) works in my contest, so it may take a while, and I may have to cancel the contest...unless you recruit people for me. *please and thank you*
Auf Wiedersehen,
Bailey -
wooooow that was one of my favorite poems i read. that was really good as fluofontis said it flowed so well i like you writing style. i really think you're tallented *smile* so keep up the good work...
~Love Always~
~RouRou~ ( my nickname for Roukaya) -
This had a rather modern yet 1920s feel to it. May be it was some of the langauge you used. It seemed to weave between the two, of old and new. Good write, and interesting message.
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whoa amazing write. it flowed so well and had an awesome message. i just love the way you took something common and twisted it, and tell us to live life don't fight it, and accept death wehn it comes. true words from the wise
thank you for sharing
LP&CG
Liz
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i <3 this poem.. makes me want to write more... great job~
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This brought more thoughts to me. I was thinking about something kinda like this. I loved it. Great Write! Hope to read some more!
Much Love
Faith Trust and Pixie Dust -
i loved this. it was amazing beautifully written. your style shoots out in this poem. i like it well keep up the outstanding work. never EVER stop writing, for your talent would be a bad thing to loose...
love always
Noor lalalolo11 monkey(nickname)
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"fool-hardy" youth, "squander" the day- good vocabulary. this poem strikes me as somber. but all in all, it is extremely well written.
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excellent
I like how this poem was written. For a moment I thought I was reading a work from a 1800 poet. I like your style. It makes very good sense.Keep up the good work. Check me out at
poormansthoughts reply
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This is freaking awesome, the best thing I've stumbled across in quite a while, I will be reading more of you for sure, please never stop writing!
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Wow. Amazing. So wise. Full of faith. I see you really put your thoughts out their, for the whole world to see. Great job, amazing word usage. Seems like you really time on this, not just spit out words.
Take care
*Kirsten* -
Wow, very inspiring. It made me look at my own life. The poetic nature in this is very good and makes me admire your talent with words. I loved that it was an actual poem and not just ramblings. Very good job!
-cindyxxx -
Splendiforous
This poem works really well. The beat is good, the rhymes work. All in all, it's an enjoyable poem, And you picked a good poem to expand off of and make you're own work from. I'm too tired to think of much more to say then this. But I really like the imagery you put in, saying, don't just die, live. Die knowing that you lived your life to the fullest and that you did what you want.
I do what I want!
Love much,
Squeaks
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