I'm so deep in love with you
I just can't stop
but another person I cannot raise
we will eventually
but I am terrified that eventually will be tomorrow
so for fear's sake I must unlock my body from yours
but I just can't stop
Author notes
This poem is about making the decision to be celebate or to continue making love to the person she cares about the most, for she is at risk of becoming pregnant.
Written February 17th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
you have poured out an intimate piece in this.it is to the point and deep.you have a good head on your shoulder and it will carry you a long way.
-
Thank you so much for your comment. I read your advice and I plan on taking it. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
-
Nice. This is an excellent topic, and boy do I remember that feeling!! I think you've done a lovely job of infusing this poem with the contrast between two passionate, sharp, gut-level urges. The conflict between the love+lust of the poet and her desire to avoid the mistake of becoming a parent too early is poignant, and makes me want to applaud the voice in this poem for the depth with which she knows herself and her conflicting needs. I also like the amiguous way in which the poem ends -- the conflict is not resolved, so it leaves us with the residual tension of wondering how the woman behind these lines ended up. I have two suggestions, so if you're not interested in feedback, stop reading here and just know that I enjoyed your poem.
First, three of your lines begin with "but." While this does show that the voice in your poem is arguing with herself, I think your work would flow better if you were to change this. Second, the reversed syntax of the line "but another person I cannot raise" doesn't flow terribly smoothly for me; however, perhaps that's just me. Regardless, the fact that you're writing about interesting topics (rather than the "roses are red" crap you often run across) and the simple elegance of the line structure you've used show a lot of promise! -
very nice
seems like a lost love, good write though, it's revealing somewhat. -
wtchrpr...4.0
sweetbaby;
Eventually brings out your emotion and conviction. It is written thoughtfully, and sincerely. The love you hold is portrayed well in your poem. You've expressed a great deal in a few words. I wonder at the regret at the end, it speaks out to those with fear of losing love. -
what a nice write beautifully written
-
Hmm difficult choice yet a wonderful poem. Great job
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
