I was born in a Yorkshire mill town.
A loyal subject of the British crown.
I learned and absorbed the local mores.
I tried to abide by this country's laws.
My family has quite different roots
Its other branches grow different fruits.
They too are governed by ancient laws
And see only truths where I see flaws.
Throughout my life I've had to fight
These different views on what is right.
I try to follow my father's way
Though in my heart I feel it's had its day.
He in turn has tried to overlook
My minor transgressions from the way of his book.
And so I've grown in a sort of peace
But those happy days now must cease.
For now I've broken a rigid rule
As each day I have walked to school.
As I walked just like a local lass
I met with some boys from my brother's class.
I met some boys but saw only one
A pleasant boy who became my sun.
As he turned to me with a radiant smile
My heart and mind he did beguile.
Day by day our friendship grew
And blossomed into a love so true.
But now this love has broken my heart
Since it means my family and I must part.
For if I live by my father's plan.
I must be wed to a different man.
For since my birth it has been planned
I'm to be given in marriage in a distant land.
By the laws of this land where I live
My affections are my own to give.
But by the law's in my families race.
Choosing a mate is the father's place.
My family's love I don't want to lose.
But that must happen if the boy I choose.
Yet if I reject my heart's desire
My unhappiness will be much higher.
In the final analysis I've little choice
For my family will not listen to a woman's voice.
The only way I can see to end this strife
Is to take the plunge and end my life!!
Author notes
I live and teach in a multi-cultural environment. By-and-large we co-operate and work well.
Occasionally I hear of arranged marriages and the sad end that can arise.
This is one such tale.
Written February 16th, 2006
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Thank you so much for your comments. The ending was intentionally harsh to mirror the effect it had on me when I heard the true story.
I'm not sure about your point about rhymes but as long as the whole poem worked for you I am happy.
TTFN
Jim -
True indeed. Here in AriZona and Utah, we have those Mormons who still follow the Smith edict of polygamy. While it is against the law, there are men who have three, four, or more wives many of them under sixteen who have been forced to marry. And marry men much older than they are. The really sad part of it is that the babies are having babies. And are then trapped. Yes, it still happens and not only in some third country, but in the most modern countries as well. As to the poem. I did not pick up on the arranged marriage until the end, and, knowing that you were male, thought of autobiographical. Mistake of course. You were right about the rhyme. I kept waiting for the lines to rhyme, but I understand the reason for not using the rhyme. Its lack was a jarring effect and I know that is what you wanted. This is a really nice poem, with a tragic and important theme.
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Hello Ellis,
As you may have gathered from some of the comments above this is unfortunately only too real. It happened!
Jim -
Excellent Writing
This is VERY REAL in places. --Ellis -
Hi Doug,
I have just got back from my club where I recited this amongst others and that was the general response ... Ooh! The last line is deliberately a kick in the stomach since that's how I felt when I heard the news.
It started out as a modern version of the old arranged marriage ballads of Childe and others (My love is young but he's daily growing was the actual inspiration) but reality kicked in and the result was as you have seen.
Believe it or not I find not using a rhyming scheme harder than using one. Whenever I try to give myself more freedom I feel that the end product is less good, it feels wrong to me and dfespite much editing I rarely trust it to anyone else's eyes.
Jim S -
Oooh, sad tale indeed, Jim. Strange custom, those arranged marriages, yet I suppose its not so strange to those who are used to them in their culture. Its tough to maintain a rhyme scheme throughout, and you do it admirably.
peace
doug
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Thanks for writing Wicca Girl
I hope your family and yourself are not quite as extreme as this poor girl.
It's not just disapproval but the complete loss of face if the family do not honour the marriage contract (which is sometimes made at birth!!). They also can face financial loss.
culture I can understand but not sympathise with.
Jim S -
Thanks for writing q-pid. Fortunately the situation is usually resolved by talking but there are a few hard liners who still live in the past.
It's a pity that it is the youngsters who suffer.
Jim S -
Thanks for writing Viyannarosemarie. It was not my own story but that of one of my pupils (alas now former pupil).
The family lived and acted as they have done for generations. The boy and girl acted as western youngsters have for generations. Society needs to sort out how these two cultures should interact.
Jim S -
Thanks for reading and writing Cyberartist. Your comment hits the nail on the head.
Jim S -
Thanks for reading and writing Scorpanther and for your wishes.
Unfortunately I am a fifty plus y.o. male teacher and the subject of the poem was one of my former pupils. We couldn't resolve her dilemma so she found her own terrible solution.
Jim S -
Thanks for reading and writing Silent Huntress.
I enjoy attempting ballad poetry of this sort but this was not as much fun, being a true story.
Jim S -
Thanks for reading and writing LonelyLover. The poem unfortunately tells a true story of a former pupil of mine living in what I thought was a civilised western society.
Jim S -
Thanks for reading and writing Tears-of-Pain
Jim S -
Thank you Kalen, it's nice when someone reads the comments as well. Your comment is appreciated.
Jim S -
Thanks for the comment bellarosa.
Speaking as an old guy I don't think I would choose that escape route either but it did happen.A salutary lesson in multi-culturalism.
Jim S -
Thanks for that comment Faithful dreamer. I cannot say how accurate the words are but that's the way I think it would be. The basic elements actually apply to one of my former pupils.
Jim S -
Thanks for your kind words. It is always difficult putting yourself in someone elses place and writing as someone of a different sex is even harder. I am glad you liked the result.
Jim S -
Great.
I like this piece. A lot of us go through simiar things when our amily doesn't approve of a bf/gf. All togeher t is quite good. -
My family's love I don't want to lose.
But that must happen if the boy I choose.
Yet if I reject my heart's desire
My unhappiness will be much higher
A very common situation, but you really made me feel it. Very heart felt and emotional. You are a very passionate writer. Great write!!! I loved it.
q-pid -
i am angry upon finishing this reading. being the not so wonderful american citizen that i am--my first instinct is to say ^%%$##%^& your family. however, i do realize that in your culture, this is a very serious issue. i only know that there is really quite the predictament here for you. if you marry the one your family chooses, not only are you not being true to you, but you are being unfaithful to your husband in the emotional sense for loving another. being me, i would not kill myself. i would elope to the states with the one i love and marry him. but, i am not you. i know that i did the right thing once and it turned out to be completely the wrong thing. as that man jumped in front of a train two years ago this week, i can never have the chance to love him again. i will pray for you. viyanna r langager
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This is a touching tale one that most westerners would never encounter, yet it would seem happens with in our communities. As the world shrinks and we embrace multiculturalism I would imagine there will be more customs that race against the tide of what we have been taught to see as right. A hard decision with a sad outcome.
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Beautiful! It is so sad that there are still arranged marriages in this day and age. I wish you the best of luck with everything and hope that your parents will let you chose the man you mary
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i agree with what Tears-Of-Pain26 says about freedom of choice. I think that is what most people would believe as well. As for the poem i really liked that you told a story in poem format, personally i like that better than the more vague/abstract types of poetry.
SH -
wow I love this story of struggle. great write. I sucks to be put in positions where you cant decide for yourself. Especially in those type of cultures.
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I am glad we do not have arranged marriages in america. Unless you are morman or a Quaker. I think every human beign should have their own freedom of choice. You cant force your heart to love somone just because your parents say you should. It just isn't right. We were meant to be happy.
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Powerfully written
I liked the feel of this poem. I'm glad that I read it as I accidently clicked on it. I'm not a person who clicks on featured poems and won't read them.
As for the poem... powerful. I find it sad when arranged marriages have to take place. Look where it takes people, down lifes bumpy roads. I'm sure you voice so many women out there. I thought this was from you, as having to decide until I read your author's comments.
I'm out of words at this very moment. Powerful, it truly was.
~Kalen -
yay
can totally relate. i am chinese and my parents had planned an arranged marriage for me back in china five years before i was born to some middle-aged man...luckily i was born with light brown eyes and was not considered "normal" looking and therefore the marriage was cut off...though it probably would have been cut off anyway because we moved to america a year later...only time can tell. but i understood and empathize with this piece...suicide is definitely not the option i would have chosen though...but arranged marriages are dreadful, though i guess they did serve some useful purpose back when they were universally prevalent. thank you for the interesting read, good work, keep it up.
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Wooah! I have a poem with this title but it is not nearly as good. this is amazing. I have no idea what it would feel like to have someone I was supposed to marry but you explained it all so well to me. awesome
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For if I live by my father's plan.
I must be wed to a different man.
For since my birth it has been planned
I'm to be given in marriage in a distant land
this is the touching story of the love where the pain of the heart is seen with the tears of the yours and the fears of the yours as well.It is really very shocking to know the dillema of the mind of the poet which is coming out here in this work with a great depth of the pain through and through.The thoughts which have been expressed very beautifuly although but the pain shwon here is just very thought provoking too. -
Thanks for the double comment MM. I'm glad you liked it.
My serious stuff isn't always that good but I try. It's nice that people think it worthwhile.
Jim S -
I have to admit I like this.. rhyming is in context with a story line.. flows nicely and sure does make sense.. thank you for sharing..
Linda -
I have to admit I like this.. rhyming is in context with a story line.. flows nicely and sure does make sense.. thank you for sharing..
Linda -
Thanks for your kind words and generous applause.
Jim S -
Thanks for writing Quill and sorry for opening old wounds. It is a major problem even in these, so-called, enlightened times that we live in.
Jim S -
I can relate to this write.I had an Asian girl friend for ten months we courted, her parents never knew about me , she would bribe her younger sister to lie about her where abouts.Her elder sister was disowned(sp) by the family for she too had a white boy friend and a child with this lad.Her parents arranged a marriage for my girl friend , she has since had a child with this man.I remember being extremely upset at the time of her telling me of her impending marriage, but she had resigned herself to it.
Edited on Feb 25, 3:17 because ''. -
10 out of 10
I really like tis poem and the story it tells...and the rhyme scheme it's beautiful -
Thanks for giving me the clap Robin.
I'm afraid the punch line to this was from a real student I used to teach! So you can see why I don't like arranged narriages.
Your case, even if it is as bad as you write, was something of an own goal unlike the lasses still on the recieving end around here.
Jim -
Well Old lad, an interesting concept.
It's not that long since marriages wwere arranged in this country you know and, call me an old cynic, but so few of them last anyway, I don't see any problem with them.
I was married for 27 years to a woman I didn't love, but didn't have the courage to leave until about 8 years ago.
The "teenage" attraction could be lust and not love.
It's a very difficult and confusing problem which only confuses me more as I write this, so I'll shut up and go, but befor I do, have the clap for your efforts.
Robin. -
Thanks for reading and writing B P. The real life ending is, unfortunately, too true and was a heck of a punch in the guts.
Jim S -
hmm... i don't normally like rhyming myself it's just not my style but this was pleasant. wasn't expecting the ending stanza but hey that's what writing's about right? a person who reads something reads, reads reads then POW smack em' with something unexpected to keep them reading and expecting more. very nice write.
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Sycho warrior you have spotted one of the weak areas. I know what I want to say but am having difficulty rounding it out any better. I will keep worrying away at it so if you have any thoughts please tell.
Thanks for the honesty it helps me improve.
Jim S -
This is quite a good poem, and also very ad, a great depiction of something that does create much saddness.
I've got only one less good comment on this, the last line fo the second last stanza. To be honest, I don't think that "higer" actually works, it seem somewhat forced and doesnt suit the flow very well. In my opinion in anyway.
I'm sorry I don't have a better suggestion, but I just wanted to mention it. -
Thanks for the nice comment and generous applause Gwenevere.
To my mind it is little short of barbaric and yet it is accepted by millions of people as the right thing to do!!
Jim S -
How cruel tradition can be.It is time to move on and realise that all cultures MUST learn to live together if we are to survive.I know we must respect each others feeling but whebn it affects anothers fee will then it is time to stop.thankyou for a vey thought provoking piece, Ros
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Thanks for your response on this Shahrzad. It is not my normal style but recent events in my locality set me thinking and this was a way to examine my own thoughts.
Jim S -
This is so great and true.I don't know how some parents can treat their children like this,but there are these kind of parents everywhere.
Shahrzad
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