early birds
why the serenade?
Author notes
This is the first time I write a two lines haiku. But that is what came into my mind few hours ago when the birds didn't let me sleep further and it was 'just' 5 AM and still dark.
Hit me with criticism 
Written February 16th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- HAIKU contest by ColinSJones.
300 points, ended February 20, 2006, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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this is one from a while back maybe, I think these two lines carry an idea...what will a day bring? Certainly the joy of having it, and then... i don't know haiku, but i know what I like...h
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If its only two lines is it still considered a haiku?
I often find very short poems called haiku when they don't fit the definition, namely three lines with a 5-7-5 form. I really enjoy this minimalist poem. The title evokes a sense of hopeful expectation then does a 360 degree turn, becoming dark and brooding. Usually delightful birdsong seems to turn into a harbinger for disaster. Return the favor? -
Oh wow. My first reaction was: I don't see what that has to do with anything, I don't see a poem or nothin'! And then, realisation hits me: this is so poetic just trying to reason the birds! A very beautiful idea is what you've had, and I want to thank you for sharing it with all of us. I think you've just made my day
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i like it. You know you are going to have
"a bad day when bird song calls to squabble cantankerous reptiles". Shut-up allready! is implicit in your haiku. Good job.
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I love the title !
a very unusual (for me) form of haiku, which deserves attention and which I will be happy to try out ...
masterful, as usual ...
mari - the one with the constant on-switch (it must be blocked ...
)
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I'd just shoot them and be done with them!
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she can't ...
they're under my protection !
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you inspired me then to look at some of my own naff haiku lol so i just did an edit of one.
the original is:
The Juggler
Eyes reflect glances,
a stranger juggled colour,
shocked, I saw myself.
and the new shiny version lol
juggled glances,
imagery crashed.
Edited on Mar 03, 6:19 because ''. -
aye, those birds are eager aren't they. maybe they are just having a rehersal, and they have become so used to doing that now that they continue to do it even though they are masters of song now. i always laugh with some imagery a friend said to me once when we were camping - which was, ay, the budgies are off!
Edited on Mar 03, 6:13 because ''. -
Thanks Marg
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I have asked the same thing. There are stages in my life when I was up with the birds: still up!, up with the baby, and thinking too hard to sleep. I like to think of the morning serenade as an ode to joy. Good luck, this is spectacular.
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Thanks Ge, just don't be silly about your own birdsong, which is wonderful!
Ah, the title is an expression of the exasperation of this morning. I like birds song, but not when I try to sleep.
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Dang, Mari! You just made my 'birdsong' one sound like wordy crap (which it probably is, lol)! Excellent!
You even have a subtle play on 'early birds' as the expression for people 'quick off the mark' or getting to something.
Yep, just change that title to the first line of your ku, 'early birds', and it's perfect. Bellisima
~Gen
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This is so lovely, Mom! It has such a deep meaning at second glance though at first it has a simple beauty. I love it!
Elisa -
Well I'll be damned
so are you really sure this is the first time you wrote a two line 'ku?
I bet you've probably excercised in a billion books 
wonderful and marvellous image
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Thanks Colin, and yes, they sing no matter what, just somedays they start too early
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i agree with myron, this has almost philosophical implications - on good days I often feel like singing in the morning but the birds seem to always have good days don't they?
however one little nit-pick I do not like titles for haiku
col -
Thanks myron for your review, detailed as always.
You've read some of my haiku before, this is my second account, the first one is MariGoes
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oh this is lovely ... so very well done ! .... i also love how the title extends the moment ... you got a great wrap from myron too ... well done -he sure knows his haiku ... >>> EM
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excellent
early birds
why the serenade?
hi Gaze - welcome to the contest! it's a delight that you have entered with such an interesting haiku. on first reading it seems to capture a simple moment, but after repeated readings it takes on extra layers.
i love haiku which pose enigmatic questions, so you get extra points from me for that.
it's a beautifully crafted poem with its implied short break at the end of the first line. it only has the bare two images but they provide a good juxtaposition.
the language is clear & concise.
i can't fault it - it seems to be a great example of a two line haiku. they are extremely difficult to write, yet you have achieved it with aplomb!
i hope to read more of your haiku here at AP, & in the haiku journals.
best wishes for the contest,
myron.
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