Jack Kerouac said the most beautiful women in the world
can be found in Des Moines, in Iowa.
Bill Bryson says the fattest women are there.
Was Kerouac drunk when he stopped in Des Moines?
Was Bryson overly tactless and rude?
Which one was right, which one wrong?
I suggest you come visit.
Make a search and see for yourself.
Visit the malls and the shops,
answer some ads from the personals,
bar hop on Court Avenue.
Open a bank account, check out the cashier.
Have supper at Judge Roy Bean's
or eat at the China International buffet,
try the Machine Shed,
or check out the Village Inn,
or explore Living History Farms.
When it's all said and done,
and you've had a glorious time,
I think you'll agree,
some of the women are beautiful,
some of the women are fat,
but neither condition excludes the other.
Like every city, everywhere,
the women are as varied
as a roomful of cats.
My conclusion, and it may be yours,
is that both Kerouac and Bryson
were probably
stinking, falling down,
disgustingly drunk.
But one thing I can tell you --
you'll have a great time
in Des Moines.
Author notes
The point of this is obvious, I'd guess.
Written October 31st, 1999
A contest entry
- INVITE Only: part three of penthouse proclivities winners by Heart Sutra.
700 points, ended May 12, 2006, 1 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Represent Your Town by 2lullabyhaven.
675 points, ended May 20, 2008, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - # 195 Write a poem about a city by Andantino.
1650 points, ended November 13, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me want to visit your town or state, country,etc. by darlee77.
3000 points, ended November 27, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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A wonderful view of what seems to be a lovely and interesting town. Very good.
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Good. Thanks for entering. Will comment after closing.
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Well, this is a poem about a city with a sense of humor. I like it!
Danni
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Wowza!!
That's all I have to say to the setup you've created in the first stanza. A wonderful ploy for "advertising" Des Moines.
And your "conclusion" made me snort with laughter
. Bloody amazing. I could use a great time . . . I'll see you in Des Moines!
Best wishes,
Zach Estel.
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haha, wow, a great poem with some great lines, some of them already quoted. This was very entertaining, and yet it was insightful enough to avoid being labeled a simply humorous poem. thank you.
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I wonder ...
what you mean by "already quoted"? I'm afraid I missed the boat there.
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Fantastic... I love Bill Bryson, I do think he is a little tactless at times though, and I also suspect some of his opinions were a little tainted by alcohol at times (much like mine hee hee) But I promise his ramblings would never stop me visiting Des Moines if I had the chance.
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Des Moines, eh? Wow, I'm impressed; thanks for entering and good luck to you
lol
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HELLO!!! I too am from Des Moines. Iowa!! small world lol you forgot to mention the Iowa state fair; saylorville and gray's lake ~just kidding LOL LOL LOL
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From Des Moines, eh?
We have a poetry group that meets the second Saturday of each month, and of course there's IPA (Iowa Poetry Association). Are you a member? -
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actually I didnt know there were any here. Yea have lived in Des Moines since 1986 right before my son was born. For the past 10 years, I work for the DMPS District.
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The Politics of Des Moines...
If I need any insurance, I'll speak to you about who's the best. But your tour of Des Moines, Iowa, sounds like funood and drink - my favourite. Im sure you need alot of alcohol when the voting is happening... My favourite lines (as someone has already mentioned):
"Like every city, everywhere,
the women are as varied
as a roomful of cats."
Quite a different, but correct observation
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this was nice thanks for entering !!!!!
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OK Yeah! Coolness
"Like every city, everywhere,
the women are as varied
as a roomful of cats."
------------------------------
The women of Des Moines, then, are the world's BEST
If they're like us, too, they go around undressed
I expect most men there are quite a pest
Around those women, but -- you've guessed it; I jest
--Tiki Cat
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Congratulations
Merry meet,
Congratulations on winning the Gold. I loved the humor in this. You left out a tour of Dixie straw company. It's still there, I think. I had an Aunt and Uncle that lived in Des Moines. I always loved going there. Congratulations on the Gold.
Amythest -
Congrats on your Gold here as well!
Lisa
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Some very nice people? All Iowegians are nice. The not-nice aren't allowed to live in Iowa.
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Just as good the 2nd time
Loved this just as much as the first time I read it. It has an interesting topic, a point to make, and it's funny. It's about Iowa, for crying out loud! How could this not win?
Congrats, Jim.
~Morgan -
congratulations JD ..!!! well done ... i remember this one ... it still reads excellently ... and what a wonderful category the judges have placed you in .... 'The Timeless One' .... how apt ! >>> GINA
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One thing that is different, and a lot of people have yet to understand, is how poetry can reach people through humor. Damit, you did well here. Very well.
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Thanks. I am glad to know that you guys understood this poem. I don't think Kendall Campbell did.
Edited on May 11, 8:12 p.m. because ''. -
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Thanks.
Actually, I like Kerouac and am rather disgusted with Bryson, but I tried not to get into personalities there. Like Sergeant Friday on Dragnet, "Just the facts".
You are dead on correct too. People often judge whole groups based on stupid stereotypes. It's mind-boggling when you think that we are supposed to be civilized.
Edited on May 11, 8:09 p.m. because ''. -
This is a nice satirical work on how people enforce personal prejudices on others, and this doesn't exclude famous writers. What I like about your work is its simplicity and deep rooted strength. This makes a social statement below the surface, which can be seen/felt by only few I suppose. A contender in my list.
You may be surprised that I chose to pick the funniest part
"My conclusion, and it may be yours,
is that both Kerouac and Bryson
were probably
stinking, falling down,
disgustingly drunk."
but then behind the pun you have a solid jab! How irresponsible anybody can be, or how capriciously one can come to a conclusion (both from N's pov and for N's conclusion).
D
Edited on May 11, 7:04 p.m. because ''. -
LOL. LMAO.
This stanza is a killer:
"Like every city, everywhere,
the women are as varied
as a roomful of cats."
Really a good one. Plus the bonus of thinking of the famous writers falling down drunk! That sounds about right! LOL.
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Sorry for the late commenting, I'll explain that in the final notes. To be honest, this wasn't doing much for three quarters of the way through. However, I loved the ending. It drew away from the ugly and the beautiful and even who was saying it. It just got basic and it seemed like all we had to remember was Des Moines. Thanks for the entry, take care and God bless.
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Honestly, Iowa isn't a bad place to be. It's a bit colder than Texas I'd imagine, although I've heard of hellacious blizzards out in West Texas. However, this year, January felt like late September. Very odd year. We're having a snow storm today though.
Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting.
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That's damned right! People have no idea what they're missing in our terrific state (My body's in Maryland, but the rest of me is still in I O W A.) I was told Playboy Magazine once rated the University of Iowa as #2 nationally for good-looking women, and I have to admit I liked the attention. I grew up there, so I guess I'm partial, though.
The drunk thing incited me to chuckle.
All BS aside, I totally agree with what you're saying about pidgeonholing whole populations with sweeping blanket statements. That kind of thing will frequently get you into trouble ...
Big trouble.
Trouble with a capital "T,"
which rhymes with "P,"
and that stands for POOL! -
OMG!! This is so funny...you are on a streak of funny. My cousin's wife is from Iowa, and she loves it there...she is skinny, and beautiful...but, often stinking drunk.
I enjoyed this so much!
Kelly -
No. Nothing modern about Living History Farms. It's a Victorian village, and at Christmas they have what they call "A Victorian Christmas", and so on for other holidays. I guess the Fourth of July thing is quite something. I went on the tour 2 years ago for "A Victorian Christmas". It was fabulous. I'd recommend you go sometime, as they surely have something similar in Australia.
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I like this poem, Ecrivan...it's different and unique and in the back of mind while reading it I'm hearing the Beach Boys singing "California Girls" for some strange reason.
and as far as generalizations and stereo-types, your poem addresses and answers that! good luck to you in the contest!
Jo -
heh ... sometimes the obvious NEEDS re-stating ... you certainly took us on your route round Des Moine ... what on earth is a living history farm ? ... i guess it is what it sounds ? bur modern clothing and machinery, right ? .. enjoyed >>> GINA
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Yes. There are all kinds of people here, just as there are all kinds of people everywhere.
Thanks for taking a look. -
I've been to Des Moines many, many times, and I gotta say, they have some of the slowest people there
When I was driving trucks, I remember it taking a long time to get unloaded in Des Moines. And it was often cold as heck, but there were also some very nice people there.
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Fantastic!
both were probably drunk but both were most definitley stereo- typing. LOL! Fantastic write!.... again.... LOL! You have some very helpful and amusing ways of expressing yourself....
KAY -
Send this straight to the chamber of commerce LOL. And yes they were drunk, Jack probably cranked out of his mind as well. I love this piece and got a good laugh. Thanks for pointing me this way.
Edited on Feb 15, 10:16 p.m. because ''.
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