One Year Ago

One year ago today,
    I brought you here.
But I did not want to,
    and I had to leave you here.

One year ago,
    and 4 days,
          from this moment,
              we were so happy together…
We had plans
    for the next day,
          to do something
              neither of us
                    had ever done…

The rest of the day
    went pretty much
          as planned…
Our friends came into town;
    we went to a party…
That afternoon,
    nothing out of the ordinary,
          but some sickness you had…

Then that night,
    something terrible happened,
          something horrible…
A sickness that
    neither of us expected,
          took you away from me…
You died in my arms
    that night…

They were able
    to restart your heart,
          a little while later…
But you never regained consciousness…
And four days later,
    one year ago, today,
          at this moment,
              you died in my arms
                    a second time…
But, this time,
    you would not come back…

My life has taken
    many turns since then,
          many ups and downs…
For a while
    I did not think
          I would survive…
Then an old friend,
    one you had never met,
          walked back into my life…

We talked on the phone,
    a tremendous amount,
          caring started;
              then love…

There have been
    many more ups and downs,
          since that time…
She heard so much,
    in those days…
I honestly don’t know
    how she listened,
          but she did…

Then when the love
    began to grow,
          I realized something
              I did not know…
You had held onto my heart,
    and I had held onto your love…

She also realized it,
    before I did…
I guess I knew,
    that one day,
          I would have
              to release my love
                    for you…

For it was unfair to her,
    for me to be in love with you,
          and try and be in love with her…
So, just a short time ago,
    I wrestled with the idea,
          of letting go,
              for once and for all…

I fought that for so long…
I had used your love as a crutch
    when times were bad for me,
          instead of placing my heart out there,
              for it to be hurt again,
                    you protected it from harm…

And now, today,
    at this place I left you,
          one year ago,
              today,
                    I ask you
                        to release my heart
                              from your grip…
As I release you from mine…
I must be alone for a while;
    so I can find someone special…
That someone, is me…

I’ll give my heart away,
    again soon.
This time it will be
    to someone just as special;
          just as loving;
              just as caring,
                    as you…

I don’t know
    what all my tomorrows
          will bring, none of us do…
But one day,
    I do firmly believe,
          I will find that
              special kind of love,
                    you and I had…

I do also believe now,
    I know who that love
          will be with…
She is here,
    beside me,
          with me…
Can you see her?

You did what you did,
    one year ago today…
To sacrifice yourself,
    for me…
And now it appears,
    for her…
Little did I know,
    she would be the one,
          to benefit from our love,
              and what I learned from it…

She will realize one day,
    that love in it’s many forms,
          should always be pure,
              given freely, without hope of return…

I release you,
    my lady love,
          here and now…
Please release me;
    for I must move on,
          as you would have it…

Before I leave this place,
    there is something
          I must say,
              to you…
I thank you for your sacrifice,
    for me…
For you knew
    what would happen to me,
          if you did not…

You did what you did,
    for me, out of your love,
          your total, never dying love,
              for me…

So that I may live…
So that I may grow…
So that I may find love again…
Find happiness again,
    unfortunately that love
          will not be with you…
That happiness will be
    because of you,
          and what we had…

As we leave this place today,
    my heart is heavy,
          with the grief,
              I still feel at the thought
                    of your loss…
But I will get past it,
    one day,
          and move on
              with my life…

She and I will find
    that special kind of love,
          you and I shared…
The happiness,
    that comes with contentment…
For one person
    cannot make
          another person happy…
All they can do
    is provide the environment,
          for the other person
              to be truly happy…

Please continue
    to keep watch over us,
          for we will need
              all the help
                    we can get…
If you can provide it,
    that is…

It will help us to know,
    that you are there…
To make sure,
    that we do it right…

© Jonathan Wikkins 2001
Revised March 1, 2008
All Rights Reserved