You know you'll win.
I can never hold your stare
without blinking twice
and looking away
without giving meaning
to your glance
because I never put myself
up for this.
The air stings my eyes,
Tearing.
You know you'll win.
You always do.
Author notes
Please don't take this poem on the surface. That's what ambiguity is for, my dears.
Written February 15th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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i love the idea...when it wasn't actually a Staring Contest but it always turns out to be...
ang having the thought that you'll always be defeated
...when you just can't help it
You know you'll win.
You always do.
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this is a deep little penning you have done here the flow is good also well doen
lovee and light
blaze -
This is cool. Very well done. I really enjoyed reading this and you had a good flow to your words as well. There could be so many insights into this poem. Keep it up
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like this poem perfect straight to the point the stare always gets me I enjoyed reading this thank you for sharing it this morning. Well Done!!! Well Said!!!!
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"Perhaps try writing one where the man ISN'T setting out to hurt you. Love has TWO sides and both need to be portrayed for us to have balance in our lives."
- Contrary to popular belief, poetry is not always about the author him/herself. I try to create personas, even though I use the "I" to ground it a little more. I appreciate you wanting me to write about the two sides of love and all, and again, contrary to popular belief, I do write about the other kind of love, it's just that I'm more effective in another kind, so I guess it is what sticks to the reader's mind. I don't think this kind of "critique" is valid because it is not inherent in the work itself. SO what if I do not write about the other happier kind of love? Does that make a lot of difference in this piece? I don't think so. Please, if you plan to critique, don't resort to affective or intentional fallacy but on the work itself. Anyway, I would just like to state that because I'm not shunning from any constructive criticism, but this kind is just not the valid kind. Thanks for reading my work. -
plays with your head
Hi,
I'm impressed with the length of this one.
It's shorter than what I'm usually used to but it says a lot - perhaps even more than usual. Quite evocative; really plays with your head.
"Perhaps try writing one where the man ISN'T setting out to hurt you. Love has TWO sides and both need to be portrayed for us to have balance in our lives. Otherwise, not a bad write."
- sorry, but (a little liner came out from me this morning: It's not that I lack tact, ethics or etiquette. Just that my curiosity precedes all.) permit me to ask you how this you think has been helpful. I don't know if it's even my place to ask this, but there you go.
Thanks.
Great write.
Miss you. -
Brilliant
I like it. Its simple and to the point, yet it conveys a world of meanings behind those simple words. "You" could be anyone. In this case, it was my father. God, it exactly about what our relationship is. He always wins. Wow. You did it. What I've been trying to do for years. Write a poem about my father. Haha. I know it probably has nothing to do with who you were writing for, but it really speaks to me. Thank you. I must read more of your poems. -
nice short cute little pic...
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Good write! Was an enjoyable read, I am glad you have shareed this. Keep up the good work ~Bret~
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I read the above comments ... from the appearance, you seem to write about men who ONLY set out to hurt you. Perhaps try writing one where the man ISN'T setting out to hurt you. Love has TWO sides and both need to be portrayed for us to have balance in our lives. Otherwise, not a bad write.
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Lol, got a nice little metaphore going there.
=> Jess Black -
This was really great and metaphorical, even though it is, to the untrained eye, about a staring contest. This was really quite good. I really related about it, too, which was weird because....well...How does one relate to a staring contest? But I did, on so many different levels. This was really great!
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It is a great poem. It could be taken in so many ways. So many different reasons why you might not be able to meet his gaze. An amazing piece of work
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I really don't think that it needs any changes. Its perfect just the way it is.
I can never hold your stare
without blinking twice
and looking away
without giving meaning
to your glance
because I never put myself
Great write. i really enjoyed it!!! -
Thanks. Any suggestion on changes would be great. Anyway, thanks.
Kannika -
Deep,, only scratching the surface it seams of what potentially could be so many different stories- it leaves the mind just to imagine them all. Such a coldness, almost snappy, almost angry yet.. with something i just cant put to words. And yet, I know the feeling all too well. I enjoyed this a lot. Such a priveledge to read, the emotion seems to seep right through. No critique could be given to such a poem, amazing peice. All my love<3
Edited on Feb 15, 9:50 p.m. because 'i need to start editing these'. -
Finally, a decent comment. hahaha. I don't get it that they find the poem funny. But whatever, right? haha. Thanks for the comment.
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its so nice to finally see you on the featured page with a new poem
this poem definetly gives justice to your style. I love the way you always depict a certain cold grufnness when it comes to all the men in your poems. Its like they are setting out just to hurt you. Im not judging...just relating
beautiful work as always kannika...your repetition and simplicity makes your poems what they are.
hope to read more of your work soon
rohina
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