You are not the love
the brightness
a flower carries
no you are not it.
Desire you must be
a dark wind passing
a sweetness
I can only smell
Let me have you
not with words
not with fire
or that moonlit poetry.
Just you
hidden
I want to find
a voice
a skin
an earth
a silent bloom.
Give me your steps
beneath the
thousands of fiery marks
your empty flight.
Give me sound,
your water-color mixture
a twilight screaming.
Your hands
they must have me
they must take me
with fingertips of furies
leave my head a
dizzy eyrie
where my eyes have
sunken below.
I shall dress you
with a velvet verse
a poem that
covers your body
so my desire
may leave this
page
coil into a kiss
and love you.
Author notes
*pre-write*
Written February 14th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
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Super pre write - so much to work with here. Would like to see what the final version looks like after some revision.
-
Ah, wow, the imagery, the word choice- even the structure. This was beautiful beyond words, I fell in love with it. The imagery, so so so so much imagery. Amazing. Lovely. Intense. Beautiful. Breathtaking. This was a fantastic write, a priveledge to read
-
This is really good. There is so much passion and emotion. This poem is very intense. I really enjoyed reading this. There is a very nice flow, and a rhythm that makes you want to speak it out loud. Great write!
---Esperanza -
fantastic base. there's some awkward wording in here. since this was just recently posted, i'm assuming this is a fairly new composition for you, and what a fantastic start! to build on it, i would work on the flow, the shape, and possibly the length. you have some incredibly strong wording and imagery in here...that's obviously your strong suit, and you display it with such skill. great job with this!
-rebecca
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