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Cupid is a Blind Little Jerk

Missing image

 


I heard something terrible about Cupid.
I’m hoping it was just a vicious rumor.
But it seems the cute little winged kid
Has one truly lousy sense of humor.

Then again, everyone likes to take cheap shots
At someone who’s trying to do something good.
But if all the break-ups I see are any indication,
Cupid’s not hitting the mark as well as he should.

 

How else can anyone explain
The ever-climbing divorce rate?
The only answer, it seems to me,
Is Cupid’s aim just ain’t that great.

He not only causes thousands of terrible marriages,
He's also the reason people become gay and bi
Because he aims for guys with girls in their arms
But misses and hits other guys standing nearby!

 

It seems to me we could do much better without him.
Are we “stuck” with him, or can we make him go away?
We’d be better off picking who we go out with ourselves.
What idiot put a frickin’ baby in charge of love anyway?

 

I can see only two solutions to get us out of this mess.
We’ll capture the little swine and get him some glasses
And if this deplorable situation has still not improved
We’ll take him down to the Y for some archery classes!

Author notes


The gay/bi joke is just one other possible explanation to add to the debate over whether people are born gay or become gay.  Please don't misinterpret it as homophobia.  

Written February 14th, 2006

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 50 of 50

  • AusStar gold member
    August 21
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    Love the poem, and the disclaimer!! YOU HOMOPHOBE YOU!!!


  • CarCrashHumor
    June 26, 2006
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    yeah, i definately see what you're saying! it really doesn't seem fair.. and it's really hard to understand.
    but, who am i to question God?
    and i know that those awful people who do horrible things will get the punishment they deserve.
    and yeah, gay people are usually a lot nicer than straights haha =P

    your poem was very funny, and i liked it a lot =]
    have a nice day!
    xx-crash

  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    June 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hey Crash,

    You may be right. The older I get, I become more certain of social and political issues, and more uncertain about life's greater mysteries, God being the greatest. I'm more willing to say "I don't know" now than when I was younger and needed to feel smart or right. However, in the case of AIDS, I find it hard to believe that a loving god would punish the children he considers to be "lost" with something as horrific as AIDS, especially since they weren't technically hurting anyone by being in gay relationships. AIDS for terrorists, gang members, rapists, child molesters, etc., I would be all for 100%, but gays? I rarely meet a gay person who isn't as nice as can be. It seems pretty unfair to me for God to allow mafia hitmen to live to be 100 while someone who just had a different sexual orientation gets riddled with sores and eaten away by AIDS at 30, you know?

    Anyway, thanks for your thoughts on this. I didn't know the explanation (meant to be funny, not scientific) about people becoming gay because of Cupid's bad aim was going to elicit so many comments on homosexuality. I just wanted to write a funny poem. lol

    I hope you're doing well.

    Take care,

    Mark

  • CarCrashHumor
    June 26, 2006
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    okay well i respect your whole view- how you said it's just unnatural but not immoral..
    well i think it is wrong- but i definately dont think we should discriminate against homosexuals. [dont get me wrong here]
    and im not trying to preach at you, im just telling you my view.
    but yes, i am a Christian and see, the reason why it is wrong is because God intended marriage and love having to do with sex for male with a female. [you might not believe in the bible, but just hear me out] and since it's going against what God intended it's wrong. but it doesnt mean the people are to be condemned, and that's definately not what God wants. He wants to save everyone, but in the Bible this was going on and He warned the people there would be consequences and diseases would be the result, and to change their ways.. and there were since they didn't listen and deliberately disobeyed and now we have AIDS.. which started from homosexuals.
    and now innocent children are born with AIDS.
    but yeah so that's why He'd have a problem with it- because He cares about the people he created.

    mmkay well im so sorry if this took up your time.
    oh and by the way i loved this poem tremendously!!! you did wonderfully with this. haha even though this is a really old poem.. i was just looking at my past contest poems and realized i had never read the gold winner!


    okay well have a nice day mark!
    xx-crash

  • Sayyadina
    February 27, 2006
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    lol! oh my goodness....poor little blind, diaper bound, arrow shooting baby. i just read the title and was like uh huuuuh i don't buy into the whole valentine's day schmuky stuff either...and really - it's gonna take more than a dozen roses, a box of chocolates, and a boy named Cupid to solve these problems. quite insightful and good write. keep up the good work as always.
    Edited on Feb 27, 3:54 p.m. because ''.
  • SurrenderMyHeart
    February 22, 2006
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    Very good poem and oh so true, I also agree with you on the lesbian/gay thing. I always say better you than me.

  • Gwenevere
    February 22, 2006
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    Ah, poor Cupid , he gets the blame but I'm sure it's not him
    it's the mortals he fire's at.they lose the message somewhat,
    Ros

  • RT michaels
    February 20, 2006
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    very hilarious. this is great. it all makes sense now. the yelling, the divorce rate, hollywood itself. great little piece of work. good luck in the contest.

  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    February 20, 2006
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    The "Y" is short for the YMCA in the U.S., which stands for the Young Men's Christian Association, but these days it's more of an athletic center without any religious affiliations.

    I have nothing against respectable gay people. The only thing I don't like is the lower element among them who find it necessary to wear next to nothing in gay pride parades. It always seemed to me that if they want to be accepted, they need to start accentuating love over sexuality. Parading around in leather thongs just disgusts straight people. Gay pride parades should probably stop, too. I think they have the reverse effect by making more of an issue out of homosexuality than it is to most straight people. If they do have gay parades, they should just dress normally rather than rub the straight world's nose in their sexuality with chants like "We're here, we're queer! Get used to it!" Such taunts do nothing to further compassion and understanding for their cause.

    I'm still undecided on the same sex marriage issue. I think there should be something equivalent for gay couples so that they can get equal insurance benefits, some kind of state recognition, etc., but I don't think it should be equal in every way to our traditional definition of marriage. Society's never prosper by lowering standards, and right now the standard is a man and a woman. Part of me feels that love usurps all else, but another feels that America became as strong as it is by defining itself as a heterosexual, Christian country and changing that could lead to greater problems. A unified culture is very important to a nation's strength. That's not to say everyone should be the same race, sexuality, etc. - just that everyone should adhere to one way of life, one language, etc. It has been proven over and over throughout history that countries which embrace multi-culturalism at the expense of their own language and customs end up disintegrating from within.

    As I said, though, I'm still conflicted on the issue. I'd love to hear your ideas on the subject.

    Thanks,

    Mark

  • DamnUnique
    February 19, 2006
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    HAHAHAHA! I needed a dose of laughter! GREAT poem. Amazingly written...stupid cupid, doesn't stop his antics! Loved the light hearted way with which you touched upon a few problems like the high divorce rate and break ups. Lol.
    By the way, I loved your response to heismysong. It's really sad the way people discriminate against other humans just on the basis of their sexuality. I visit this online youth forum by the UNICEF where we've an ever-raging debate on homosexuality and same-sex marriages. It's shocking to see some extremely hateful comments out there. Weird...who said we're progressing?

    Oh, and I didn't get the last line, "We’ll take him down to the Y". What's a Y? Lol...sorry, I'm too ignorant.
    Edited on Feb 19, 3:30 p.m. because 'typo'.
  • loveandpainRthesame
    February 17, 2006
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    I loved the poem too, it's so funny

  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    February 17, 2006
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    Thanks, Lencio. And sorry for the bowel pain. lol

    (How can you tell if oysters are spoiled? They stink when they're fresh, too!)


  • hate2lovelove2hate
    February 17, 2006
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    Great poem! It was a good read, light-hearted and funny. Heismysong i think that your comment is way out of line though. It is not immoral and in no way can you compare them to serial- killers. Homophobia in my mind is 'twisted thinking' as you said in your comment. People have the right to chose how they live their life, it's not like they're inforcing their lifestyle on you or shoving it in your face. Everyone needs love, regardless of where it comes from.

    Anyways, great poem! lol Sorry bout the rant.

  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    February 16, 2006
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    heismysong,

    Come on now. It's ridiculous to compare gays to serial killers. Gays aren't butchering anyone.

    I realize Christians consider homosexuality to be an abomination but I think the worst it can be called is "unnatural" simply because the parts match and aren't interlocking - i.e., not as nature intended. But do I think they're immoral? No. Their sexuality is their business, not mine. I limit my definition of immorality to those who are hurting others mentally or physically. Two people of the same sex who love each other don't bother me at all. If there is a God, I can't imagine gays bothering Him/Her much, either, considering all the serious problems going on in the world. Genocides, pogroms, war, famine, etc. I mean, love has to count for something, you know?

    Thanks for reading and commenting. Good to hear from you.

    Mark
  • sad-but-true
    February 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I knew my divorce wasn't my fault. It was all because he stuck the wrong guy! I enjoyed this like all the others. Glad to see something new. Thanks for the smile sweetie. Hugs ~val~

  • lencio-sunchild
    February 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hahahahahahaha!!! Brilliant. Well thought Mark! and you are responsible for the pain in my bowels, no I didn't eat spoilt oysters!!!
    Lencio

  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    February 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    MRV,

    I think if I just would have said the word "homosexual", I would have gotten the usual mixture of defensive gay's and bi's and intolerant hetero's. It's inevitable. The world's a mess. The only people I don't like are violent a-holes like gang members and terrorists. Intolerance is a bummer, too, but people have a right to hate anyone they want to. As long as they don't start hurting people, they can have their small, dark world and I'll stay in my big, bright one.

    Take care,

    Mark
  • Ankeeta silver member
    February 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    CRAZZZY!! as always ...

  • MelficeRoesorVelve
    February 16, 2006
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    Controversy again Mark? My my, you certainly have a knack for inciting intolerance in people. Though I do have to agree with you, anyone who found that line offensive is taking life far to seriously, and takes a joke in an lighthearted piece of humourous poetry personally. I liked the content, the rhyme was good, however, I felt the flow was a little stifled in places, but a good poem, and nice to hear at this time of year!

    MRV

  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    February 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Inane Thoughts,

    Thank you! As I explained in my author's comments, the gay/bi line was just a little joke. Someone got mad about it and it was a surprise to me. It seems nobody can joke around about anything anymore or it's an indication of deep hatred and intolerance. Ridiculous. I must be naive because I thought that gay and/or bi people would think it was funny, as you did. It's nice to meet a bi person without a chip on her shoulder. lol

    Thanks again,

    Mark

  • Inane Thoughts
    February 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Even though I'm bi.. I still thought it was pretty funny.

  • heismysong silver member
    February 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I don't know why, but this poem makes me want to reread the story of Cupid and Psyche.

    You probably already know MY opinion on the whole gay/bi thing. I'd probably be accused of being homophobic... and you know what? I'd say they're partly right! I believe lifestyles like that come from twisted thinking, much like serial killers. In both groups, and probably many others, there's a total abandonment of morality.

    *Wow- sorry about the soap box!

    Good poem, though!

  • rebeka
    February 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    very entertaining. i always thought it was odd that some little nekked kid ran around with arrows, the department of childhood welfare should be better at containing a situation like this....no doubt some kid that got too much for christmas and decided to take his boredom into his own hands. hmph!

    juvenile deliquent brat!


    i hate him.


    so there.







  • SusanL
    February 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    this was fun to read. Being perpetually single I wonder if cupid has lost my address, but then I think if all of the above is truly his fault maybe that is a good thing!
    hope you had a great Valentine's day!
    Susan

  • black kitten22
    February 15, 2006
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    great poem, flowed amusingly from word to word, loved your author page too, made me giggle lots, keep up the good work. well done. angelx

  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    February 15, 2006
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    Dragon,

    Actually, I'm in a very happy relationship currently and Cupid has been very good to me in general. I've had amazing relationships with beautiful, exotic women all over the world. Besides, this was a poem for an anti-Cupid contest. Pay attention, "kid". lol


  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    February 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    EnsnaredMind,

    This poem is only homophobic to a gay/bi person who is oversensitive, as you apparently are. I thought the gay/bi line would be laughed at by gay/bi people because of the controversy about whether people are gay by nature or decide to become gay. i.e., it's just one more possible explanation, and obviously a joke. Stop taking yourself so seriously. You'll be a lot happier.

  • SuZyCuE
    February 15, 2006
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    This is great thanks for giving me a smile today

  • Painted Warrior
    February 15, 2006
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    This is great! I love it.

  • isolated sorrow
    February 15, 2006
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    ..................................

    cupid is a jerk........................................................................................................................................................................nice poem keep up the good ideas for your poetry
    -Shadow90-

  • dragonstuff83
    February 15, 2006
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    Bitter?

  • queenie
    February 15, 2006
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    jeezeees some people take things entirely too serious.my 19 year old granddaughter asked me today why they put a half-naked baby in charge of love.i told her that it was so we had someone to blame when things went wrong.it seems as of late,the arrows of cupid misses the target more times than it hits.personally,i do a pretty good job of avoiding his arrows because i can still feel the sting of the last bad hit.this is just what i needed to bring the tears of laughter to the forefront.you did a great job and i hope the little guy takes heed or at least the archery lessons.
  • quietGIRL1
    February 14, 2006
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    I LIKED THAT IT WAS BUNNY FUNNY. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!~~~~~
    ~CELESTE~

  • faerieprincess
    February 14, 2006
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    This was cute, and got some giggles but it sounds like you waffled in the anger/hate dept. That wouldn't be just in case the arrow is headed for you would it? LOL! Now from what I've observed in some of your writes it seems like your quite adept at tearing one a new A.H. Come on now, I'm sure this little guy has really pissed you off at one point and time in your life! Glasses for the little guy? Hell,I would expect you to be gouging his eyes out with his own arrow and sticking the bow up his cute little tooshie! The flow and meter are okay but I've read much better from you. Anyways, none the less I still got some giggles. Good luck in the contest.
    fp~;~

  • Grieving-Willow
    February 14, 2006
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    haha I sooooooooooo needed this! Thanks for making me laugh ... My best friend got married today, so I guess Cupid gets a few shots right --- cept for me ... oh well, I guess my time will come. I just hope I'm not 160 when Cupid finally shoots me with that right arrow ... I love this poem, very funny and VERY FITTING FOR VALENTINE'S DAY ... Cupid must die! ... I mean, I hope that Cupid gets better with his technique Love you Sara
    Edited on Feb 14, 9:58 p.m. because 'typo '.

  • fadeinonme
    February 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Good Job~

    I have to agree with this:
    He not only causes thousands of terrible marriages,
    He also makes people become homosexual and bi
    Because he aims for guys with girls in their arms
    But misses and hits other guys standing nearby!

    Because all the guys in my school were...choking on each other's tongues...today.

    Yeah...anyway, this was a great write, I expect to hear more from you~

    ~Tuesday's Child

  • williamstown
    February 14, 2006
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    Well done, (should do well)

    This made me laugh. Sure was a funny write. Full marks for humor.

  • Michele La Pointe
    February 14, 2006
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    that's not violence... that's sweet compared to what i really feel >: your poem inspired me (and my comment) allpoetry.com/poem/
  • Yvette Champ
    February 14, 2006
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    I thought you wrote this very well,it made me smile at the imagery and it is great to smile,I just read a very poignant poem which was true,so I felt more like crying,it did me good to read this and smile,good luckin the contest,well done

  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    February 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Wow, Michelle - that is some serious violence against winged cherubs. But funny! hahaha Thanks for that. I nearly busted a stitch laughing.

    There seems to be a seething hatred of Cupid in the collective human psyche. He better watch his naked ass. lol

    Mark


  • q-pid
    February 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Despite the fact that you DISSIN MY AIM, I loved it. I actually found it pretty humorous. Espeacially the part that says:

    He not only causes thousands of terrible marriages,
    He also makes people become homosexual and bi
    Because he aims for guys with girls in their arms
    But misses and hits other guys standing nearby!

    Great job!!!

  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    February 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks, Raven. Your response to this cracked me up. I would advise against becoming a nun, though. If you ever do find someone suitable to date again, you have to have a chaperone with you because one nun always has to stay with the other nun to make sure she doesn't get nun. lol Oh, and you know what they say . . . you can kiss a nun once or twice, but you can't get in the habit.

    Target practice! lol I didn't think of that angle. Too funny.

    Carrying shields may be a solution, or suits of armor, though they can get very itchy on hot days.

    See ya,

    Mark

  • -BlackKnight- silver member
    February 14, 2006
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    I've no problems with Cupid at the moment. lol

  • Almighty Aphrodite gold member
    February 14, 2006
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    I have the same antipathetic feelings toward Cupid--I think he misfires every time he hits me, because I always end up falling for the ones who are too far away from me, or end up being complete assholes or are otherwise taken. I'm wondering if he just uses me for target practice!

    Maybe getting the little arrow-happy brat some corrective lenses might work...or snatching him and carrying him off to the pasture where he can use birds or snakes for his archery lessons instead of humans! Besides, I've had enough misery in the love department, enough so that I am now seeking out the nearest convent. I have already taken my vows of celibacy and dress in a drab hooded robe, never again to come out into the light of day only to be wounded again by that idiot!

    Lots of laughs...and how eloquently you have put this.

    Many blessings,

    Raven Aurora

  • Michele La Pointe
    February 14, 2006
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    cupid blows

    screw the archery classes and eye glasses... i'd like to be-head the little freak show ... tear up his naked ass with a tube of ben gay ... and then set his wings on fire and watch him crash to the ground in a puddle of his own guts

    happy valentine's day... i just featured some of my angrier love poems as well ... cupid is a f'in troublemaker

  • klassy lassy
    February 14, 2006
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    Well it would help if he didn't shoot blind. But I think his arrows have been dipped in some of Aphrodite's perfume--or Love Potion #9. Addictions are always trouble! hehe! Cupid may have a lousy sense of humor, but you sure don't!

    Karen --

    Happy Valentines Day (with no arrows, just a lot of heart!)
  • exoticbeaches
    February 14, 2006
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    THIS IS JUST TOO COOL!!!!! well penned!!!!

  • Estarla
    February 14, 2006
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    He he, I like it! Very nice organization and ryhme, this poem is very good writing. I totally agree. Down with Cupid! (He really does have bad aim)
  • Ir.muse
    February 14, 2006
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    so cute.
  • Ir.muse
    February 14, 2006
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    so sute.
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