Shadows Surround me
Darkness consumes the..
I'm slipping away
But i wish i could stay
For one
Simple reason...
I need you
Only you
And i would never give you up
If i left
One thing I'd do
I'd make sure you knew
I'll always love you
When I'm with You
All my troubles fade away
You bring sun
Yo my gloomy day
I'd never want to give this away
I'd hope that
You knew that already
But if i had one more day
On this earth I'd let you know
I had your heart
I'd never you let that go
And I need you more than
You could ever imagine
So just keep that close to your heart
I love you more than you could know
My knight in shining armor for true
Author notes
Written February 11th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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this was good its wasn't appealing but that has notthing to do with it lol. I was looking for orginal meapthors. Maybe try adding some ogrinal similies or mietaphors or hyberbole that would be good.
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Awe this write is very pretty just like others said some mistakes but I still enjoyed this. I think it had a great little flow with some good expressed emotions. Great job
<3
JiGgLeZ -
oops. i thought this was ur page!..not a poem..oops..im soo dumb lol . . .this is an amazing write though! this i so easy to relate to!...you did an excellent job hun!!!!!!
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thank you so much for your comment on my poem...it meant so much to me...and im glad u can relate i mean....i think every writter wants ppl to relate...however..loosing someone you love soo much..and dealing with the pain....isnt easy..i hope everythings ok now...and your heart will learn to let go...trust me...
anyways..thanks a million!....xoxo -
Amazing.. beautiful write... I'm so glad you are happy
love your lil sis
ellie -
Yes, very good poem, but as Athena said, some of you grammar is a little off. Like 3rd stanza, 4th line, "yo" should be "to", typo I'm assuming. Also, some "I"s need to be capitilized still. But the poem itself is very good, keep it up
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Noticed a few things... 'glummy'-'gloomy'?; 'armour'-armor'?.. Also, the sixth line from the bottom, doesn't sound right. and, your "I's".. Only some are uppercase, it seems to block the flow of this piece. I like the poem itself, very touching. Athena
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