I'm the Earth's fingers,
stretching for the sky.
I search for the angels
and the birds who fly.
My brothers are the elements
fire, Ocean and the Wind.
I alone am not a killer,
Earth has never sinned.
There was a girl on my land
that I watched grow dear
I became quite fond of her
she became my listening ear.
In the Spring she danced with rain,
in the Summer went away,
Costumes in the fall time
red nose on a winter day.
Summer was my favorite time
with my special little girl,
I watched her play, all day
as her bright laughter filled the world.
I watched her scrape her knees sometimes,
but get back up to play,
she caught the fireflies at dusk
and breezes in the day.
Then she went to school
her mind grew wise,
her body grew taller,
her imagination hit the skies.
I watched her grow all those years
and watched her turn less wild.
I began to wonder what had happened
to my breeze catching child.
My child had become a woman,
with beautiful auburn hair,
eyes alight with fire
and a soul of dramatic flair.
I saw her precious heart break
and cursed the vicious boy,
who caused my child's misery
and who made her heart a toy.
Then she went to middle school
and she no longer cared.
About the fireflies and breezes
she and I once shared.
As she walked by me one day
I reached down just to flirt,
she swatted my tender branch away
and that gesture really hurt.
She claimed that she was ugly,
but never ever played the part.
With fire eyes and auburn hair
the Breeze Woman stole my heart.
I wish that I were human,
so my child could love me
She's my Life and Universe,
but to her I'm just a tree.
Author notes
This came from an idea to write about nature from one of my favorite books ( Room to Write) I looked at a tree and wondered what would it say if I could give it words. It's my childhood from the view of that tree.
Here's the unwritten intro to this poem:
Trees have no emotion.
They're only homes for birds.
But I wonder what would happen,
if I gave a tree it's words.
Written February 10th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
this is an amazing piece about personification... there are alot of strong lines in this poem.. and i don' think i have any critisism for this.. the idea behind this poem.. and how it changes in the end is magnificent.. for critisism.. the poem grows watching the child... it is very gripping.. adn could be extended to the entire life of that person.. it might make the poem have more plot to it.. and alot more emotion.. but it is very well done.. keep writing
-
this poem is very powerful
-
That was what I was going for. I wanted everyone to understand that the girl was important to the tree and (whether the tree will ever realize it or not) the tree was a big part of this girls life. I think this poem comes from a bit of sadness that I felt when a very old tree in my back yard was cut down. My parents thought that it was sick, but the cutter guy told my parents that if they had left it it would have lived for another 100 years. I felt so tied to that tree, and even thought the angle of persepective is from a tree up the block from my house in a way I think that my 100 year tree is the one that's really watching me. Just a little tid bit on the background of the poem thanks!
-Love Lilli -
Excellent
The flow is really good and the poem has a lot of charm - did not expect that the narrater was a tree so that was a good twist. I'd just maybe change the that I watched grow dear stanza as it is not up to the high standard of the rest of the poem. It's difficult with older poems as they become a part of you and it is difficult to see the wood from the trees so to speak! -
It is very difficult to observe oneself through the eyes of another. You made it even more difficult for yourself
! However, it was amazing because of your choice of narrator. Though I really liked the unwritten beginning.
I'm not such a big fan of rhyming (maybe it's just jealousy cos I don't ) but the fact of the matter is is that this was perfect and perfectly sing-able. And perhaps I will.
Also loved how you managed not to jump on the stupid bits of your life, but the bits everyone can relate to. You don't make it cliche because of the unique perspective you have for this one, the tree narrator, etc. So it is unique, but completely human. Which is good, wouldn't you say? Isn't that what we're all going for?
I loved the last line. It was so lonely and so very bittersweet, and even if you're not the narrator I see a lot of personal, longing emotion from the author. But maybe that's just me reading too far, what would you say?
Anyways ... since we were on the subject of longing, the narrator choice, once again, was perfect. Being rooted and what-not, wouldn't that make you long for what you can't have?
You also managed to keep things off tangents which was lovely, as so many (ME) are prone to do. So even if it was lengthy you stuck to your story and let it stand on its own, and let the reader read into it what they will.
Another fantastic thing I noticed about this piece was how ou show the progression of love, really. This narrator watches this child grow and because of seeing the child, being with the child, and even hurting with the child the affection grows, and you can feel that, and thusly the longing, escalate through-out the entire piece.
Good Day. -
This really is a fantastic poem. In just the reasing of it, it flows perfectly. Easy to understand, and enjoyable to read. While you are telling the story, I can see it play out in my mind. I loved how much the tree felt, and knew. You used great examples like
"she caught the fireflies at dusk
and breezes in the day."
That really helped to capture the feeling and emotions from the trees point of view, and also tell us so much about the girl. This is really a great poem, I'm not sure I've read one that I like as much as this. -
AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOW!!! I LOVE THIS!!!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY!!!
-
This is really cool!!! I like how it tells a story
-
"My child had become a woman,
with beautiful auburn hair,
eyes alight with fire
and a soul of dramatic flair.
I saw her precious heart break
and cursed the vicious boy,
who caused my child's misery
and who made her heart a toy."
my favorite part. i thought this was written after my favorite children's book the giving tree but i guess not, it sounds a lot like it was inspired by that though. have you read that? it's...amazing. it's beautiful, as is this. I think the line with "the Breeze Woman" is kind of pushing it though, but I really liked most of it. good work, keep it up! keep writing, thanks for sharing. love, Serena
-
oh, wow. this is a great little piece. the last line was especially heartbreaking- trees have feelings too. there are a few places where the rhyme is a little forced and the meter is a bit clumsy, but it was an absolutely sparkling peice and i commend you on it. keep up the great work!
-
What an amazing piece! The creation of a masterpiece. I love the imagery and it flows with ease. Beautiful, creative perspective, believable. I love the way this is portrayed, it's absolutely stunning. Beautiful poem, indeed!
-
Oh my, this is just excellent. I really thought this was the greatest poem about nature that I have seen. And for you to give a tree words, excellent idea!
Take Care,
x PatientGrace x
Jasmine
-
Extremely detailed and haunting in a way
Perfect!! Touching!! WOOOOOW!! It's so perfect I'm speechless, like, really speechless. The best one on the site that I've seen, By far!! -
I love this! Truly one of the most touching pieces I have read in such a long time. This also makes me think some of the children's book - "The Giving Tree" by :Shel Silverstien. I adore the book, and this was just so very lovely all on it's own. Great imagery and moving detail...Very nice!!!
-
Very powerful
I am one of those who believe that all things have emotion even if we cannot tell what they are feeling. After reading this I felt the tree crying. Very powerful. This is a touching and sad tribute to our lose if childhood and innocence through nature's perspective. -
a wondrous gift of words and emotions.
this is such a great write keep it up you have some talent and there is no dought about it it is very intersting that you can take a tree and give it such emotion such simple things we see daily you take and give them more thought and more feelings i love the way you did this and how well it flowed i can not find a single thing wrong with this good job and keep up the wonderful writes -
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my God, that was so beautiful! That was just like... wow i'm speachless right now. I'm never speachless so thats like WOOOOOO! I applaud you!
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
10 old applause
