As I look over the river
I see my shadow floating above the water
I soon find myself going away with the current
and all of my dreams wash away in an instant
Happiness painted on my face
Hidden the sadness of my heart
Unraveling the true life
Of a miserable guy falling apart
Tears upon my face
Cascading from my eyes
Weeping for what once was
Author notes
Written February 10th, 2006
A contest entry
- Pain poems, by Christina-is-crazy.
300 points, ended June 18, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Great poem.
Keep up the good work.
Ank. Thanks for entering my contest.
good luck
♥ Christina -
I think this is a really great poem. I especially love the lines:
Happiness painted on my face
Hidden the sadness of my heart
Unraveling the true life
I just love these lines, mostly because I can relate to them in a way.
I very much like the meaning behind these lines as well:
Angel falling waterfall
Resurrecting yesterdays
Exchanging anew
but I think that maybe you need to put in a few simpler words. As it stands the words are very 'poetic' which are good if not all used in such a small space. I think it just makes it very awkward to read at the moment. -
Hey there... you did such an amazing job on this poem. It's so beautiful, yet so sad all at once. Your words were so nice, so descriptive that you just let the reader feel your pain. "Happiness painted on my face" that was a really great line. I loved it. But to say that's my favorite part would be a bold-faced lie. This was just incrediable because your pain is so clear to the reader. Again, amazing job!
Take Care,
x patientgrace x
Jasmine
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this is sad
i see a person drowning in their failures or evil deeds done. very descriptive and i like the form you've used to
very nicely done
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Great use of descriptive words. Would like to see what you could do with metaphors. Good luck and this is a fantastic write.
Rose -
I really like the unique way of words.Thru a flare of earth wind and fire and darkness.Makes me have to think..Hmmmm!!!
Great job! Good Luck!!!! -
I loved this write. I think alot of people can relate to your words, or at least I can. I loved your descriptions and your word usage, it all flowed amazingly.
Happiness painted on my face
Hidden the sadness of my heart
Unraveling the true life
Of a miserable guy falling apart
this had to be my favorite stanza
awesome -
"footprints of the past" such a great line to use in any context...good luck in the contest
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nice poen
i love it mainly when u say
"Nest of white cotton
Caressing wonderful heart
Shadowed by darkness
Pretty little birds
Spread wings soaring friendly sky
Striking by lightnings"
Just keep it up
Good luck in the contest
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i love ur poem it seems like it comes straight from the heart it is very sad but at the same time very sweet
comment back if ya want
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