What makes them think?
What makes them sure?
I have asked many times to receive no answer,
Only the ever ready insult,
The beat of the fist against flesh
The stuttering of a tired excuse
reused over for new reasonings
of nothing more than enjoyment.
What makes them act?
The beatings,The forced laughter
that only resonates a feeling of joy through pain
The insults and the ever present air of malice and cruelty
are all they sow and reap.
What do they know of joy, if they can only feel it by pain?
What do they know of peace, when all they force is anger?
What stops them?
Is it the Defiant prey
who stands and fights not just for himself
but for others
while all look on in the ever flowing cycle.
Is it the calm and rational mind
that attempts understanding and peace,
only to face the ever looming fact
of consoling the beast that is the human?
What stops the Human, that only feels joy through sorrow,
That preys on the weak to make them feel strong,
That preys on the strong in greater numbers,
Just to feel more gratification of having bested an outnumbered Foe?
What person feels the pleasure and self absorption that comes from the torturing of anothers soul?
Author notes
I will continue to edit the poem as mistakes and typos are pointed out to me. I welcome these suggestions.
Written February 8th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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i actually liked the subject of this poem however i think that in the followint lines :
"That prays on the weak to make them feel strong,
That prays on the strong in greater numbers"
i think you meant "preys" instead of "prays" ...unless you are sending a different message ...hmm just a thought but otherwise i enjoyed it
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Very good. I like the way you are really to the point, the topic of abuse is still considered a hot topic today, but even if it weren't, I'd probably become one of those protesters against violence and abuse if I read this.
I'd put in more line breaks, to me, this poem didn't flow very well, it was more like a column or short story reading (not that those are bad, just that this is supposed to be a poem) it.
You have a very good vocabulary, but fix a couple of the punctuation errors and this'll be great. -
I agree with most of the feedback you have already recieved. This was a hard read for me, to stay interested. I like the ideas behind this. - Rainy
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The age-old quest for answers. I found this to be interesting, "deep" enough I suppose and overall an OK piece. You did use the word "that" more than quite a few times and I found that to be a minor distraction and feel without as many "thats" the piece could be overall much stronger as a whole. I also think when speaking about a person you could use "a person WHO" rather than "a person that." Just an idea.
I like the topic.
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wow... this is too good for words. the questions you ask. are probably questions that everyone thinks about, just never dares to say it. wow.... this is really reallly good. i never read something this good before. you inspired me in a lot of ways. Much talent is within you. and that is a very good thing. make sure you keep your tallent. for with some people. it might slip away. and it will be a shame if you just lost the talent to toutch people through words... wow.... this is...amazing.. great write.. keep up the great...no great isn't enought to explain. keep up the AMAZING SPECTACULAR work. and never stop writing.
love always
Noor lalolo11 monkey(nickname) -
"what person feels the pleasure and self absorbtion that comes from torturing anothers soul?"A very good question in this angst filled write .Perhaps there is no definitive answer,abusers cross every cultural and social divide .Only someone that has been abused will fuly understand the depths of despair that an abuser brings to the abused .I searched for the answer to your question for a long,long time and found there was no one answer ,sometimes we need to stop looking to understand and stop accepting regardless of wether we know why or not .An abuser seems to use every exscuse ,and they are exscuses , not explanaitions , to exscuse,if he even bothers,his behaviour.You made him do it, his dinner was late, he had a bad day at work, he ran out of drink ,he wants you to be playful beyond your boundaries,he lost his money gambling ,he is keeping you in line and that`s men do ...lame exscuses,never a valid reason as there cannot be one .The irony is we all lock our doors at night to stop intruders coming into our homes in case they rob us or defile us .The abused lock themselves in at night knowing they are locked in with someone capable of defiling them ,emotionally and physically,and who are robbing them of life but leaving them to exist , to exist to be abused .All in the name of love ...if ever a word was misused in our language it is the word love ! Imagine dating a guy for the first time and he brings you chocolates with a card that says " I can`t wait to make you feel like your soul is destroyed,to drag you by your hair and smash your face into the wall,over anything ,anything at all , roses are red violets are blue ,oh my darling, I love you and promise to abuse you ...Obviously there wouldn`t be a second date ! Sadly ,they don`t reveal the full extent until they have some kind of control ...The only thing I suggest changing here within this poem is to change " pray " to " prey " , it is a miniscule point , the message here within this poem is asking why , I hope every abused woman and child stops lookin for why and finds a way out of their situation regardless ,no exscuse and no explanation is valid for tormenting,traumatizing and taking another persons soul by abuse .I send you a hug ,love ,light and peace,Yvette
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very powerful, thought provoking, emotional write.....so sad...negative...but i guess with good reason. thank you so much for sharing this peice.
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'another�s soul?' this line makes no sense to me...maybe it's suppose to be that way?
this is definitely sad like pozo said. using line breaks would definitely help present the poem better
all in all a good job
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Vivid description, honest and true account of things in your life. I think that if this were mine (which it isn't) I'd use more line breaks, enjambment might ease the flow a little and make it seem less prosaic. This is quite a sad write, you seem to have quite a lot of talent for sad writes. I'd change 'to make they feel' to 'to make them feel'- this makes more sense to me. Keep writing, this was deep and you're on a roll
All the best
Your friend
Pozo
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