I am trying to breathe,
but your love chains
are tighten round
my heart.
I am trying to live;
Your love chains
obsessed my soul.
They captivated me,
I can't move on.
They hold me
bound.
Author notes
Written February 8th, 2006
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1 - 18 of 18
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Hi my dear friend! I am glad to see you here, as always with right thoughts and wise vision of true love. Thank you for so nice comment and applause.
~Sonja~ -
fabulous
Dear Sonja, with so few words you described such a beautiful contradiction of the one thing that keeps us all going in life. A magnificent piece, feels like reading my thoughts, but that pobably goes for quite a few of us. Let's hope that one day we'll be able to love and be loved in perfect freedom, with the possibility to let go of the one you love. wouldn't that be what true love is about..? The harder you clench the sand in your fist, the faster it'll disappear.
Love and hugs, your friend Ostara
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Thank you Kevin for your always kind comment.
~Sonja~ -
Yes Abigail, sometimes it is too hard to remove some chains, sometimes almost impossible, but, this is life. Thank you for reading and kind comment.
~Sonja~ -
a very good metaphorical use of your words here, the chains that bound us all, sad but so true for many love is a strange thing, beautiful and ugly to, great read
lol abigailxx -
VERY BEAUTIFUL
This is so sweet and beautifully touching.
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Thank you for your kind comment, applause, good wishes and deep review. That's what good readers are for.
~Sonja~
Edited on Feb 08, 2:49 p.m. because 'added something'. -
You express very vivid strong emotion in the piece. You have done a wonderful job of making it powerful in a short write. There are only a few things that I see that you might want to tweek a little.
In line 3 the word tighten seems a little awkward to me. It seems that it should read --are tight round--. As a reader, I get a little confused by the combining of present and past tense. You might consider making the verbs in lines 7, 8 and 10 present tense as well.
It is a beautiful poem in a strong voice. Good luck in the contest
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Thank you James.
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Very Good
First bit should be breathe and not breath, minor point, an excellent piece, top stuff.
James
Edited on Feb 08, 11:57 because ''. -
Love is the oposite of pain. So, both could be the same. All depands of actors, time and place. Also, we do not need to make a mess between love and obsession.
~Sonja~ -
Yes Lilac, I mostly can't talk about love. It is or it is not, but when everything is over, when I can see what was or what wasn't...well, some chains are very hard to eliminate without any scars named - memories. Time is what we need and more place to breath free...
~Sonja~ -
This is a nice piece my dear queen.You know that's how we really feel sometimes about someone's love.
Shahrzad -
Thank you Jasmine for nce comment and applause. Love do not need to much words. If somebody must to talk about love too much - this is not love. This is kind of persuasion.
~Sonja~ -
Such a devine write!...loving, warm sincere thoughts of the heart, nice for the recipient to receive, what more could you say to convey your love?...however you seem to be writing in past tense in the last two stanzas, so here's hoping those chains are still tight around your heart today...~Lilac~
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wonderful
Hi Sonja, this is such an emotional write for so little written! To feel as if you are a captive of someone's love. Wow, wonderful idea for a poem and beautifully penned! Good luck to you in this contest! Linda
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Thank you Rae for your comment and kind suggestiond
~Sonja~ -
in your last stanza, first line, you could've said held in that line and then hold as it is now. But overall, this is a really good write and I particularly enjoyed the image that conveyed in my mind
Rae
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