Over dead and drifting leaves
Nights beauty rains upon me
and I look to the stars
with longing.
Such beauty in these
Tear drops from the gods
Scattered across pieces of silent night skies
I run a hand across cool marble
I smell the death of flowers left for my companions
The dead of ages past
The dust stirs and I hear them speak
-Young girl,the beauty of the night surrounds us-
Speak to me,oh lost souls
Give me wisdom
Give me strength
Speak to me,through the cool night air
Black robes swirl
Hair displaced
Pale skin shines in the blue of the moon
I stand beneath a tree
The golden leaves of October
Hang precariously,
Ready to fall,to tumble from the sky
I remember days gone by
Asleep in my prison
Cool marble and lush velvet are my bars
A coffin my only luxury
I recall nights
Like this one
Walking in a daze through this place of death
Nights spent calling to the moon.
O,beautiful moon!
Grant me just one wish,
Show me your truth...
Let me venture from the crumbling walls
These vines,void of leaves,left with thorns.
Yet every night
She turns away
The stars fall like tears once again
The dawn of morning pushes me back
Back to my heartless marble
Back to my prison
A prison built with love
And consecrated by death
Each day I return
And in the shadows of my tomb
Your face is sketched upon the walls
I see you in my prison
From dawn till dusk
Yet,when the fiery sun retreats
I step out once again
In the shadows of dusk
My feet create the crunch of dead leaves
Fingers feel cool marble
Lungs breathe icy sweet air
For just a few hours
My minds eye sees something
That isn't you
Oh but when the first rays of sun rise
I turn back to my sepulcher
To remember my love for you again
To see you,my love
I close my eyes and try to sleep
Yet sleepless nights
Give way,to sleepless days
No sleep for the weary
No death for the damned
No love for the broken hearted
In my sepulcher
Surrounded by dead and drifting leaves
I hide from truth that escapes me
And love that breaks me
Countless nights will find me
Standing beneath the trees of dead October
Crying to the moon
Listening to the dead of ages past
And waiting for redemption.
Author notes
This piece is meant to reveal the depth of a girls feelings.In a sort of vampires nature she is condemned to spend eternity locked behind the crumbling walls of a cemetery,with nothing but the moon and marble headstones for companions.
Forced to this prison by some form of love gone wrong she is tortured daily by her lovers face until she is able to step into the night and find some small form of relief.
This poem has always been my favorite and through everything I am so proud of it.
~Lady Lacrymosa
A contest entry
- Raven Qualifier - Dark: Anger, Angst and Goth by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 124 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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There is a very dark and eerie feel to this poem, with ghosts from the past and lost souls. I think it also has a vampiric feel within the dark images and emotions. I feel the lines have an easy flow but could be improved upon because many of them have spacing issues between the words, especially after a comma has been used. This is probably a simple typing mistake and is easy to correct.
The story line appears to be in a logical order but I feel it could be condensed slightly to sustain reader’s interest. Some of the lines and images appear to be repeated by using the same words a different way round. As far as dark love stories go I think this one has a certain charm that I enjoyed.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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Good Job!
Quite well done, I enjoyed reading it. It was deep, full of poetic thought - I feel that's it's biggest selling point. It was comfortable to read aswell, for the most part. A few bits here and there seemed a tad dramatic, maybe unnecessary. To close this thought... It really is a well written peice, and I'd definetely be up for reading a sequel!
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HOLY SHIT!!! I was thinking that in my head after just, JUST, the first two verses! This is just flat out amazing! I don't know if I have ever read something so amazing! This is just superior, I don't even know if I could write something quite this well! It's just insane, I LOVE the topics you covered! My god!!! This was SOOO good! GREAT AMAZING JOB!!!!!!!!!! Real piece of artwork!!!
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I love the idea of the golden leaves being tears of the gods... rather original from the reading I've done...
It's a rather dreary poem... one I'm sure there will be many who understand these sentiments... and besides, who doesn't love a vampire - they are timeless...
Good luck in the contest... -
You may want to change a word here? Show my your truth... Then we shall come back and rate. Thanks, James and Jeannie
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How beautiful and sad! Great job. Thank you for entering. Good Luck!
Jeannie D Hunter
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nice.. love it
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great write! you have a lot of potential! this write was very well written and thought out. you did an excellent job with this. keep up the writing!
~shirley -
No sleep for the weary
No death for the damned
No love for the broken hearted
i loved those lines together, they are really powerful as a unit and are a wonderful example of good writing. keep it up, and strive to always do better than what you've done before. well done.
Edited on May 28, 7:05 p.m. because ''. -
Very Good
Very good use of metaphors and visual imagery.I loved the lines with no sleep,no death,no love for the broken heart.Even though I do not understand free verse too well I can understand that this is a great poem which I really like.Thank you for your entry and best of luck in my contest. -
Beautiful
This is really good!It captures the life(if you could call it that)of the dammed very well. -
This was a beautiful write! i think you did an awesome job on making it flow and the imagery was very well thought out it seemed! I liked this a lot!!
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Thnx 4 entering. Good luck
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I think you did a marvelous job with this. Your imagery was very nicely executed. Usually I don’t care for the long reads, but your kept me the whole way through. Nicely done.
Keep penning and welcome to AP!
~ John










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