In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli,
cauliflower and spinach, with green and yellow and
red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman
would live long and healthy lives.
Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben
and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme. And Satan said: "You
want hot fudge with that?" And Man said: "Yes!" And
Woman said: "I'll have one, too...with sprinkles."
And they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman
might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and
sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman
went from size 2 to size 14.
So God said: "Try my fresh green garden salad."
And Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing
and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman
unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said: "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables
and olive oil in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep-fried coconut shrimp,
butter-dipped lobster chunks, and chicken-fried steak
so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol
went through the roof.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat
and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin, sliced the starchy
center into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats,
adding copious quantities of salt. And Man packed on
more pounds.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his children
might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan introduced cable TV with remote control so
Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And
Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering
light and started wearing stretchy lycra jogging suits.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer
calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then Satan said: "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied: "Yes! And super size 'em!
And Satan said: " It is good." And Man and Woman went
into cardiac arrest.
God sighed...and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
Satan chuckled and created HMOs.
Author notes
I got this from my friend Mark who posted this on a weight loss website. He came up with it, not me.
Written February 7th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Yay Meester Marky.
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I'm a reformed junkoholic, but yeah I think it would count as some form of Yemmish diet. Current FemYemmish diet gets me in trouble cause I don't eat enough most of the time.
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Yeah. I'm washing down Mark's poem with a hamburger and fries.
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My friend isn't a writer. I'm actually suprised he even wrote this, so he wouldn't be someone that would join AP. I thought it was funny and that it belonged here in some form.
I think under circumstances like that, it's ok. Either way, I admitted that it isn't mine and that my friend Mark came up with it, so it's not so much plagerism. -
I didn't write it. My friend wrote it, but he's not really a writer. This is probably the only thing he's ever going to write, but it had to be posted on here.
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I didn't write it though. I posted for someone who usually doesn't write stuff usually, and obviously would never be on here.
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Thanks. I'm not heavy anymore, but I poked fun at myself when I did. I figured I knew I was that way and I knew why. Lost the weight for health reasons, but I never got the ones that blamed it on being miserable and complained about being miserable because they where fat. *shurgs* I blamed it on the fact I have an Italian grandma, so I had to eat.
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Yep, this was so amusing I had to post it. The ironic part is the one thing I post that isn't something I wrote myself, gets the most clappy dudes. And that's something because this account is an alter ego. I have a regular account and a secret alter ego on the side.
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LOL Yeah. It wasn't my fault I was plus size, I didn't think of it that way. I like that logic.
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I don't know. Hmm. I'll get back to you after my hamburger.
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Oh my gosh that is so funny. It does seem true though if you believe all evil was created by the devil. Ha Ha Ha! Man that is hilarious...so funny the tears are running down my face it is so funny. Ha I think I might go into cardiac arrest after all this laughin.
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Well Mark wrote an exceedinly humorous piece...and sad to say, I think I've tried every food he mentioned. Toss in chocolaye eclairs, lasagna and ice cream and you have a Yemish diet...or is that FemYemish?
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ENCORE.... This was HYSTERICAL. Not only am I hungry and feeling guilty, but I can't stop laughing at the irony in this piece. SO TRUE, and what a take on our wee gluttony problem!! HA HA. BRAVO!!!!
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Can we post writings by other people on this site - do we then get the points - not sure how this works?
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Hilarious
I laughed. I laughed so hard I cried. But anyway, you may not have written it but you most deffinatly know where this is coming from.
Love it lots.
-Lily -
I am just wondering whether the poet - or anyone else who is watching this - can enlighten me. Why is it that folk go into a hamburger restaurant and order a quarter-pound burger with cheese and double fries ... and a diet Coke?
(loved the poem, by the way) -
HYSTERICAL
this is too funy!!! but also very true. you did a wonderful job in writing this one. thank you for the much needed laughter. viyanna r langager -
this is quite funny but would be funnier if i believed in either god or satan but great poem all the same j
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*laughs* And considering that most of my "spiritual sounding" poems end up being just that... I really enjoyed the take on this.
Tell your friend it's just wonderful.
As I go to make sure my jogging suits are well-hidden.... -
Christ you have made me hungry! this is a fabulous write very funny and observant and quite tragic in a way....Well done x
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YESSSSSSSSSS!!
LOLOLOLOL!! APPLAUSE! As a larger than life woman, I appreciate the spot on humor and satire.
Thanks for sharing--bookmarking this one. For sure!
(((HUGS))) and love, Karla. -
this was great.....i'm happy you posted it. keep up the good work
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good
Wow this is great for us plus size people. I like the devil created all the bas stuff good to have someone else to blame but myself for gaining weight. -
lol. this was very entertaining. i agree though.....every good thing has a bad "partner." day- night good-evil.
yet, we are both, god and satan in this poem
or more like we ourselves are satan.
thank you for sharing. -
LOL I didn't write it. Mark from the other site did. Yep, Mister Mark is still there. I'm there because after being there for the last two years it's habit. Plus, I'm the site pest and they can't get rid of me.
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Oh, my TerrBear! This is just too much! I think I'll have to feature this one. I can't resist--the devil made me do it.
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wow... This is awesome!!! I'm really glad you posted this although it's not yours!!! Tell your friend Great job!!!
Hugs,
Beth
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