In the clessidra sands silently sift,
And time rushes on, not waiting for me,
Then from the past my memories drift,
The time when my thoughts were so blithe and free.
Then came a time, my freedom was caged,
Responsibility he held the key,
And some times Rebellion her anger raged,
She wanted fresh air and oft longed to flee.
But life has its rules by which we abide,
Each age will give you a new cross to bear,
The mirror's cracked image never has lied,
You wonder if any thing's really fair.
Life is an overcoat worn for a while,
When death comes my friend, it's gone out of style.
Author notes
Written February 7th, 2006
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1 - 16 of 16
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Fabulous flow and words. Lovely and earthy. Great
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wow i like this love the last two lines you're sure into sonnets right now lol El
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Hi, I wanted it to be like this, the typle thoughts of everyday as time passes,one can see you are a bureaucrat by your comments,lol, Di
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Very nice
Wow I really enjoyed this great imagery. -
I agree with most of the earlier comments, to the effect that the last two lines are the best. The overcoat image is good. Other images you use are not original - "cross to bear", the cracked mirror. Personification of responsibility and rebellion doesn't add anything; you could do without the pronouns and still make your point.
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Hi, thanks a million, hugs Di
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i give it a 7.3
Yes, I love the ladt two lines. An excellent metaphor. Very cool write, good luck in the contest! -
If I was going to do my usual nit-picking I would count the syllables in each line and question the contractions "thing's" and "it's" in this poem. But - hey! - no, I am not going to go down that road, because this poem is just so expressive. I hope you do well in the contest, because you deserve to. Life as a stylish overcoat - fine metaphor!
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very well written, and so very true.
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Exquiste
Absolutely love this! I was going to enter this contest but I think I found a winner already...even if I am not the judge lol. Sonnets I have not done and when I try they do not form easily...(bites pencil to shreds.)
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this is really unique to me. i like it though. you did an awesome job with the imagery. i did not know what some of the words meant but as i read, their meaning became clear. i really like that. viyanna r langager
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I like your word usage and visuals you create with them...nice job and good luck in the contest
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good
this was a great poem. i loved it. you show talent. great job. the flow and wording was great. never stop. you can only get better and become a better writer. when i have more time i would love to read more of you poems.
great job -
As always, excellent!
"Life is an overcoat worn for a while,
When death comes my friend, it's gone out of style."
Brilliant lines. Well done.
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Hi, thanks a million, a big hug Di
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This is very well done; I enjoyed this - the torment of it gripped me - it is as if you pulled it from my own soul ... thank you so much for sharing this!
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