A noise from behind her, she drops a bowl in the water;
A mother now in shock, for this was her daughter.
A quick hello, what do you want, as she holds back the tears,
Why return now, you've been gone for six years.
Her daughter said so softly, with a tear in her eye;
I'm so sorry mother, I never said good-bye.
I know the way I left, it really made you sad,
But now I am back, to see you and dad.
I hate to disappoint you, your dad is no longer here,
It wasn't long after you left, I think it had been a year.
In his heart was so much stress, he gave up the will to fight,
And you were all he talked about, up until that night.
I love you mom, I'm so sorry, really wish I'd stayed;
I really regret leaving home, and for choices that I made.
I wonder if I'd stayed, chances are to be,
That dad may have lived, and be here with you and me.
(phone rings) We're sorry to bother you, this late in the day,
We think we've found your daughter, out here near the bay.
In a field we found her, she lay there all alone;
All that was on her, was this number to your home.
We know this won't be easy, but we need you to come and see,
(interrupting)PLEASE STOP, there must be some mistake,
My daughter stands here with me....(she turns and drops the phone,
as her daughter blows her a kiss and fades away)
Author notes
Written February 6th, 2006
by: driftwood/Gary Boykin
(last good-bye)
In a list
A contest entry
- L@@K - 2in1 Contest! Surprise me poems! Prewrites welcome! by Melissa Burns.
450 points, ended December 24, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter Your Best PW! by O.o.
700 points, ended December 25, 2007, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hit me with your best shot by De-Throned.
450 points, ended February 20, 2008, 33 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything goes by Angel Of Heaven99.
345 points, ended March 7, 2008, 45 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - poems with impact by know one.
380 points, ended March 6, 2008, 28 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING SHORT by Blooming Poet.
400 points, ended March 7, 2008, 105 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark, Sad, Love, Loss, Suprise Me. by MrsJones.
350 points, ended March 21, 2008, 23 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Soulful Writes by CanadianGirl1.
500 points, ended March 30, 2008, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can you keep my attention from the first few lines? [p/w allowed] by LeilaJayne.
300 points, ended May 12, 2008, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show Me Your Bling! by TabbyCat.
1000 points, ended May 28, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever..just make it good. [astonish me] by borrowing.moonlight.
1000 points, ended June 30, 2008, 160 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your very best!!!! Tons of points! by God is my reality.
1450 points, ended November 24, 258 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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The ending ruined it for me.
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I see your best writes are always tear-jerkers lol. Is that because you think emotion will sway us somehow as we wipe tears away
Anyway, this was great although sad and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for entering
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This was eerie and very sad, you did a wonderful job with this, made me feel like i was right there in the kitchen with them. good luck in the contest.
I also loved the twisted surprise ending. sniff sniff. -
INSPIRATIONAL AND AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL!
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this is really good
almost made me cry haha -
wow, such a powerfull write, I really enjoyed this. Thanx for entering and good luck!
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*tears in eyes* awwwwww!!
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oh and btw out of like 170-some poems you made it in my finalists! no surprise im sure ^^
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O.O OMFG! that was amazing... my jaw literally dropped.. that was wonderful.. omg that is one of the best things i've ever read.. holy friggin crap. thank you so much for this entry! no doubt you will place in this contest too [because i see you have in many many others, you deserve it!] wow
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Goosebumps
what a cool take on an urban legend! inspires me to try something similar perhaps...
Anyways, good job with the story, although i felt some work on the punctation would increase the readability. Thanks for entering!
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I swear i read this every single day. Still cant get over how amazing it is!!! lol
I just love it, just so unique. And wow i never realised how many trophies you have won with it before!!!
xxx -
Give me chills but it was the best. Hands down. You have a way with words and telling stories weaving them within the rhyme.
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oh my god..... congrats on all the awards, i can see why you won them.... wow, i love the ending, but it is so sad. wow, i was not expecting that. oh my, that was beautiful... thank you, and i wish you the good luck that you don't need....
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This was an amazing poem and so sweet!!!
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Awesome
Very nice work, as justified by the awards.
Joe
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Such emotion has been penned into here. you said so much and displayed so much pain. I was on the brink of tears.
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oh my god. this poem moved my heart. this so tragically terrible, a woman that lost both her husband and daughter.
oh how tragic T-T
the rhyming here is exquisite and the story it tells, unbelievable. if i were the judge of this contest I'd probably give you the gold
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Congrats on making it into the finalists list, this means i read on further than the first four lines of your poem. Thanks for entering =] xx
Love the twist at the end! So different x -
Wow....A very thought provoking write here! This is so poignant and so sad. I can see why all the trophys on this one. You did a great job! I love this! Blessings, Patty
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a really great poem, love the rhyme and how it tells such a wonderful story without interrupts the flow! great job and good luck in all of your contests
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ichigosama
this is really touching. you know, this reminds me of the prodigal son from the bible. i love you mom i'm so sorry really wish i'd stayed i really regret leaving home and for they choices i've made. sometimes confession is the best remedy towards moving on. thanks for entering.
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Wow, this is a really wonderful poem, the conversations felt so real, this is a really good piece, and i thank you for entering it. My favorite part was "Her daughter said so softly, with a tear in her eye;
I'm so sorry mother, I never said good-bye."
I love how you rhymed this whole thing and it worked really well. It flows really nice.
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You honestly not only gave me chills, but I'm still wiping the tears from my eyes... Wow!! this is just... everything! You've captured such a beautiful touching piece and really pulled me into their world... I saw the whole picture in my head.
Saying this is Fantastic is truly not giving it enough justice! Thank you so much for your entry
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wow yet another write that i liked my favorite was
I hate to disappoint you, your dad is no longer here,
It wasn't long after you left, I think it had been a year.
In his heart was so much stress, he gave up the will to fight,
And you were all he talked about, up until that night.
I love you mom, I'm so sorry, really wish I'd stayed;
I really regret leaving home, and for choices that I made.
I wonder if I'd stayed, chances are to be,
That dad may have lived, and be here with you and me.
i was a little confused what you ment on the ending part though..please explain Great Job..lookin forward to reading more. =D
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exequisite write!
I am sure their wasn't a dry eye in the house!
So very touching and so painful to read!
Well done poet, well done...piercing our hearts!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : )) BRAVO! BRAVO!
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Great poem, I liked this a lot and it brought a lot of the realities of suicide and what it does to families. Such emotion and feelings of loss from this, thank you for entering.
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Wow, this is awesome! Really moving. I found it touching, not scary. The rhyme scheme is good, always a plus- it is so frustrating sometimes, reading poems that mutilate sentences to make rhyme- you didn't do that, and I thank you. Great story, and you told it well.
This would probably win a trophy, but to be honest it wasn't really the type of thing I was looking for for in this particular contest. I am going more for the scary and disturbing this time around, and I found this piece more sweet- despite the ghost, it didn't really scare me. Maybe I'm just crazy, because I know the theme is a bit creepy.
Still, I'm glad you entered. I really did enjoy this. Here is some applause.
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I like the story telling tone this had, it worked to your advantage. I like this. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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:(( This made me cry for two reasons its sad emotions are so prevavlent and iits so beautiful. *wipes a tear* Amazing.....
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A powerful write. The "what if" aspect really hit home and the ending was dramatic and really worked.
Congrats re trophies.
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Wow, what a beautiful story and done so well. No wonder you have golds. If this is just writers imagination then you have captured the mood and feel brilliantly.
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I am speach less
this is just amazing
thanks for entering
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wow! I don't know if there is any truth to this but it brought tears to my eyes and chills to my body. This was truly touching. Wonderful write and I am glad you entered this. Best of luck to you and thanks for entering!
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Aww wow this is truely very touching. A very sad twist for sure. Very nicely written.
Thank you for entering my contest. I wish you the best of luck.
ale xox
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Well this one sent chills down my spine. A very heart-felt poem you have written here. I actually do believe things like this can happen, that the energy of a person who passed away still lingers around the earth.
I noticed a steady and good rhymescheme, that suddenly disappeared with the last stanza - not sure if it was on purpose regarding the context of that stanza, but it's a nice touch of detail actually
Thank you for entering the contest, I wish you the very best!
Leander -
AMAZING!! i got chills just reading this!! my favorite part was:
Her daughter said so softly, with a tear in her eye;
I'm so sorry mother, I never said good-bye.
I know the way I left, it really made you sad,
But now I am back, to see you and dad
But the rest of it was equally as good.
Good luck in the contest -
Oh wow, a chilling write. Loved every minute of this read, thank you for entering it!!
--DAMSELx -
This was very touching! It's so sad, and heartfelt. I do believe these things really do happen, a bond of love is much stronger than death.
Awesome write
Lysander
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This is so beautiful! Another fantastic poem of yours =)
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omg, this is such a sad poem. it almost made me want to cry. my favorite part was ....(she turns and drops the phone,as her daughter blows her a kiss and fades away). that part really got me. good job!!!
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wow.where do you get so much sadness from? great write, and im glad ive found you here, i love poetry that actually rhymes.no not crying though, im a tough one i dont cry much. thank you. -elena
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OK... now I'm crying!! This is so sad (I love sad writes by the way!!).
I'm glad I didn't wait until a tragedy occured to return to my family... 12 years gone... but I returned.
This is a beautiful write....
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Congrats on the gold and honorable mention trophy. I am sorry it took me a little while to get around to commenting. This was very tragic but so well written. You did an excellent job writing this out. Your expressed your emotions so perfectly.
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wow i love your work
very painful yet so good
keep it up my friend
much love
Stevie
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VERY...VERY nice!!! Thanks for the entry!
Az -
This is so sad! I didn't even guess what would happed until the very end! Great poem, thanks for entering!
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Fantastic
Its a novel, I want to read the rest.
Bravo, this was a great read.
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Wow, this is rather sad and sweet, heartrending and twisted, all in one. Brilliant work, and good luck in the contest.
Love and light always
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Interesting poem This was a very entertaining, touching read. Love the open here, really pulls you in. Thanks for entering my contest
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So sad. It made me cry.
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Magnificent
I have read this one before and I think you have done a great job on all of your poems. Keep up the good work! -
great
this was beautiful -
This is a very thought provoking write. I like this one a lot, it is very soft and sad, i comend your writting.
~Kity~ -
this poem was VERY VERY good. as many have probably already told you. lol. you had the right flow,and your rhyming was not forced,and wow. it was just an all out amazing poem. it was sad,and the topic was very fragile,and most of all,the ending stung the most. but it is sadly not what i am after! i think that if you entered it in a different contest that it fit under better,then you would definatly get something for this piece! it is very well written,and well...i just loved it. i am sorry,and kind of sad that it didn't fit the entries i was looking for.
*autumn* -
This poem absolutely took my breath away. This was such a beautifully written poem, and, well...WOW!!!! I LOVED it So MUCH!! You have some talent there! I loved the way you made me feel so weird as I read the ending. " As her daughter blows her a kiss and fades away." That part gave me the goosebimps. Thank you so much for sharing this, and good luck in the contest! You should write a sequel to this I think. Write a whole bunch more poetry like this one you have here. You certainly have a talent for them!! Good luck!
~FOO -
good!
yea this is really good. It all flows so well
lol.Kinda reminds me of my sis when she was younger. She'd always run away. This is a very well written poem. Nice work
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awsome
ohhh creepy, that'sc ool.it reminds me of a story one of my English teachers taught me. very cool
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AAAAWWWWWW! awesome, truely! Good read, thank you for telling me about this one =)
See ya later!
-Angel- -
Wowww. This is like, some...amazing book. Wow.
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nice...! brilliant imagination...! u r very talented, storytellers who can rhyme their words and keep the readers interest with every word r very rare...! you r one of them..! very well written!
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Oh that is so sad and so very well written, I like the fact that you didn't rhyme at the end fore it gives it more effect. this is beautiful with excellent rhytem and flow and the subject is a great one, for so many have seen aparitions from the past, even me. Great write. Keep your pen forever flowing! Bunny
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wow, this was very touching and so well done, and yet its sad here
The flow was amazing, thanks for sharing, keep up the awesome poetry...
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thanks for entering!
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great
ooooooooohhhhhhhhhh!!! spooky or what! you've sent a shiver down my spine...fantastic work driftwood,maybe you should check out my "you jaundiced little creep" if you have time,it has a twist in the tail too,another great write my friend,well done and please accept my applause,
floorboards.
p.s,i'm sticking you on my favourited list. -
this is incredible. i absolutely love this!! it was so sad, yet in a way it was a little happy. that sounds a little weird because of the ending, but the mom got her closure with her daughter. that in a way is kind of happy to me. i think you did an awesome job writing this. i'm glad you told me about this poem. i loved it.
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ooo... eerie and so good! I loved it. Thanks for entering my contest!
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Not what I expected at all. So far I like this the best of what you've shown me. It sent chills down my spine.
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Funny.. it all rhymes perfectly till this last bit at the end;-
We know this won't be easy, but we need you to come and see,
(interrupting)PLEASE STOP, there must be some mistake,
My daughter stands here with me....(she turns and drops the phone,
as her daughter blows her a kiss and fades away)
Not that there is anything wrong with that - it just makes the poem interesting - I am left wondering why you didn't want it to rhyme..? Was it for effect?
The story is interesting and paranormal - a daughters last visit to her mother to say sorry.. I liked that - very powerful and entirely possible in my eyes.. a crisis apparition they call that..
Well done.
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bravo
WOW powerful well written.. I love dit. Once again you have captivated me. Well written -
nice... that was so unexpected... i loved it... beautiful.
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Fab A+++++++++++++
AWWWWW so sad, I would have love that to have happened to me, would have ran a mile after thou lol, but this is a good poem. I think I will have to start from the begining of your poems as I have missed so much. Keep up the good work Gary and thanks for your putting a smile on my face..xxxxxxx Julia -
Oh wow!!! This is a powerful, moving write!!! It is awesome!!!!
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Truly this had earned it's gold cup. Such a wonderful and sad tale you have here. Beautiful in its own way. Excellent work and congrats on your new earing!
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OMG!!!!!!!! this was awsome.. how did u come up with it.. its great..... i loved it.. truly.. i almost criedd.. congrats
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I literally just said WOW really, really, loud to myself. You truly never cease to amaze me! I am addicted to your writing! Thank you so much for always being able to write in a way you evict so much emotion out of the reader. You are an inspiration to me, I really look up to you. Yet again, another amazeing read!
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Thanks again smartass, this is a tear jerker and a half, i am not a good commenter but if you have anymore u think i would like, im me so that i know which ones you want read,thanks.
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Excellent
This was very masterfully written. Truly a gifted poem. And again you found a way to add such incredible emotion at the end with a haunting and riveting quality. -
Wow wow wow. i will admit the first 2 stanzas made me not want to read more as it was a lilto close to home and my personal life. it brought tears to my eyes. But wow u shocked me with the way it ended. i loved it and it gave me goosepimples and i still have watery eyes. the emotion and the pain stands out so much. thank you so much for sharing this with us. good luck hun and ty again. :0
Katxx -
A really poignant, unexpected twist to this one I must say. The only thing I can say critical is that in a few places the meter wasn't smooth as possibly it could be. With that said I still applaud the effort.
Sincerely,
Leo Long -
beautiful
wow, i really liked this one, it wasnt as obvious as the last one, and I really love how she came to tell her mother sorry and everything, but i feel really bad for the mother...shes all alone now, and knows it, but at least she has closure? this would make a young teenager reconsider leaving home...if planning to run away, i know i would, if i read that when i left a while back...i really liked this one over all and thanks for the list agian haha -
Awww that is so touching. The last thing her daughter does before she moves on is come home and see her mother. It is so sweet...like a happy ending...except really it is still sad. Write on.
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This really makes me think how important it is to show those we love, that we really do love them every day. I certainly can not scoff at this story. My mom came and said goodbye, too.
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touching
A very touching and heart felt piece, and you certainly brought a bit of a bitter sweet tear to my eye, thank you so much for posting and good luck in the contest...
This was my favorite part...
(phone rings) We're sorry to bother you, this late in the day,
We think we've found your daughter, out here near the bay.
In a field we found her, she lay there all alone;
All that was on her, was this number to your home.
so sad, so very sad...
Hugs, Romhain -
Brilliant
This is truly brilliant, so sad. -
I've read this piece before and it still grabbed me this time, just as it did the first time round. Good luck in the contest you've entered.
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I try to avoid the words "wow" or "amazing" as I think that they get thrown around so easily on this site. However, I must say it. WOW this poem is amazing. This is the absolute first time a poem has given me chills. Not just the first time I read it but both times I read it. This wasn't just a siple poem it is an experience. A tangible experience at that. I must also say Awesome plot twist at the end. That was the biggest punch I have seen so far. Thank you for the experience.
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that was amazing the end raly was to be honst somthing i have naver seen be for in poerty enyway o and im raly sory about my spelling i raly cant help it i dont do it to bug you well i raly enjoyed your pome ps keep up the good wark
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wow!! this was a really awesome poem!!!! It was so sad. The end was so beautiful! The way you the mother was so hopeful, and then everything is gone, that was really good. It also had great rhyme and a flawless flow throughout the entire piece.
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i love the twist to your poems...so enjoyable to read..keeps the reader engaged and anxious to keep reading...the mark of a true storyteller...well done
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this poem was so good, i just loved it. its just sad and well written. good luck in this contest, but this already is a winner.
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Oops, forgot this last time...
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You have made this incident come alive and the emotion tears at us as you tell it to us - well written, sentiments well expressed, easy to read and understand.
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Again another great write from you. This is amazing as are the rest. I can't wait to read more. Man you are so creative. I lobe the emotion you put into your writing. Keep it up and never let your talent slip away. I am so glad that I found you on here.
Love Sandra -
A+++++++++
Gary, i continue to be amazed at all of your writing, you are wonderful to read. Everything is so touching and heartfelt. I cant wait to read the rest!!! Great Job!!! -
this is really great poem and i would applaud it but i have no points so im adding you so i can promote later.
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this rules... this is very very good.
I love it... the idea of it... the form...
Oh, the end ^^ yay, this poem makes me happy, I guess because it's so good -
Your poetry is amazing me the more I read it...It is truly powerful and beautiful! I love it!
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Amazing.
Simply...Inspirational. This piece is just chilling. It gave me chills, lol. ...I love it. I'd have to say that you hold quite the bit of talent. I adore everything about this write..From the rhyme scheme, to the easy flow..The message within it..The sadness, the sense of loss and disappointment..Everything. Wonderful. -
this is a wonderful poem that shows a lot of emotion.
darkinocenceangel
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