She carries home her treasure, satin bound
and custom made to fit. These new toe shoes
a present for the coming years of toil.
Agility and grace belie the strength
and years of practice to become a star.
Now, prima ballerina dance en pointe,
a feather floating light across the stage,
white satin shimmers brightly on your feet.
No Juliet or Odette could wear less.
A satin ribbon ties back graying hair
and threadbare slippers hide her crippled toes.
The barre an enemy, time marches on.
Author notes
This poem is in a form I am playing with, well actually creating. I have not seen anything exactly like it. I am calling it a Triptych for the style of art I was inspired by.
A triptych in the art world is a generally a three paneled painting. The outer two panels are hinged and usually can be closed. This is most common in altarpieces. As a result the two outer panels are half the size of the center. The three panels often told a story, the center being the main point. I am trying to translate that to poetry.
www.metmuseum.org/Works_of_Art/images/ep/images/ep13.32a-c.bw.L.jpg
So -
Triptych
Three stanzas of poetry. The first and third being half as many lines as the middle. I.e.: 2-4-2, 3-6-3, 4-8-4. I think anything longer or shorter would not be as effective. This is a very visual form. It will depict three images on a common theme, or possibly one image in three parts. The parts can also tell a visual story as I have with The Dancer.
Meter and rhyme are optional, but I do think they lend to poetry and I tend toward one or the other or both in my writing.
As a heads up to anyone reading this - I will be posting a contest for this form in the next couple of days. I need to work out a bit more and maybe see if I can produce another one!
Written February 6th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Allpoetry Form Contest by peluche.
1000 points, ended March 5, 2006, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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I love the imagery created in this piece and your form seems to just wrap itself around the subject. I especially liked the last stanza for some reason. I applaud you for such a wonderful creation. Thanks for your support!
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and yes, anyone who has ever owned a cat should be able to clearly visualize the beheaded mice and indoor barfing lines...
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I had to write SOMETHING, for I too, am a dancer...
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crud!!!
I did not even notice this for all the other stuff that you posted after it! You are so naughty!!!
But I have to say it was visual!!! -
I'm so bad
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Blatantly ignoring the fact that the form was probably not intended as a vehicle for humor or animal abuse, I offer you a little of both...
A Feline Triptych
Playful Kitten
cute as anything
a joyful furball
growing into majestic cathood
serenading all the ladies
late night smackdowns in the back alley
dining at the finest trash bins
Leaving beheaded mice on the front stoop
barfing indoors
a sudden and sad demise
accidentally stuck in the microwave
or was it the clothes dryer?
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The barre is that rail the dancers use for stretching and practice. It is usually positioned in front of a mirror and looks sort of like an out of place handrail to the uninitiated.
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'actually -
I have a contest going for this form right now!!
I want everyone to share it, I am glad you find it inspiring!!!
Write all you want!!
Susan -
its an interesting contest... and your poem is a fitting way to start learning it. i love the way the poem shows the life of a dancer... and it can be expanded to relate to a lot more... i shall definitely try to enter ur contest... thanx for such an opportunity..
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An inspiring piece and an inspiring contest. I'm going to try to wrap my brain around it... but not sure I'll be able to dance so well... so be prepared from some limping on first try... if I can even get away from the 'barre' (with which word I'm totally unfamiliar and cannot find in dictionaries; might I assume it is a French word in dancing?)
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Can I steal your form to attempt for this contest? It's very inspiring.
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I ws going to IM you this link, I immediately thought of your new form-so I'm glad you saw it. Best wishes in teh contest! vj
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Thank you for giving us a wonderful example of this new form, quite a challenge, but one you present so effortlessly.
Wonderful contest idea!
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beautiful way to test a new form! lucky that I clicked this from your contest-I'm a dancer as well
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This does look like a fun form to try out, and I'm all for experimentation. That's how I took a liking to the Cento Triolets! I'm looking forward to your contest, and I'll do my best, but I'm not promising anything!
This is a beautiful description of a ballet artist. This form allows the reader to visualize the graceful performer. -
Chouette!
Just coming from pointe/ballet class, I can really relate to this one. I remember how excited I was a few months ago when I got my first and current pair of toe shoes, Gainor Mindens, which took an hour to fit! I know how difficult it is and the pride that comes from making all this work appear effortless. See, those years of "plie-tandu-plie-degage" do pay off! I really like the line "no Juliet or Odette could wear less", the use of references personalizes the poem and gives concrete examples. The last line really gave the whole idea an excellent ending. I can feel the subject's determination. The write was short but to the pointe (pun intended), and you said what needed to be said in a creative and exciting manner. Awesome! -
very good
Is this about somone you know. I did think maybe it was about a little one until later I learned it was an older woman at least that was my perspective. Very nicely done. -
This is an awesome form you are creating....enticing to say the least. I can't imagine a Triptych more beautiful than "The Dancer", still I look forward to the challenge and learning more.
As for the piece itself, it is life....beautifully done.
Sam
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That is so impressive - a whole new form! Wow. This poem is very well done and inspiring. I, a dancer myself, can really relate and the imagery is outstanding! I can just see her floating across the stage and aging right before my eyes. You are an amazing poet - keep up the good work!
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How very excellent and awesome this is! Very touching and moving piece; you display a fine talent and I thank you for sharing it!
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I liked this form a lot. But I also loved this poem. I am a ballet dancer, I've been dancing for about thirteen years now(I'm 16)so of course I had to read this. New pointe shoes can be bittersweet because they are so beautiful yet so painful at the same time. You have a wonderful and enchanting way with your words. I loved this
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This is a wonderful example of your new form, Susan!
You have a real talent for clear and emotive imagery, and this one is exemplary. Great meter too.
I have a feeling this form is going to be rather popular
Love this background you made for it; perfect!
~Gen
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Vickie-
Thanks!!!
I am sure Sam will find this enticing. I will post a contest on this in a day or so. I want to work out the definition so it is completely clear.
i always appreciate your kind words!
Susan -
What a fascinating form. This will be a challenge, but very rewarding if it comes out right. I shall go back and reread yours now that I understand more about the form. It needs to be something that you can look at from three angles (?) that uses the same subject to tie it all together? I will have to send Sam a link to this, she loves challenges. ~vj
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Marg -
Yeah there was a 55 worder that was of this same idea. the retired dancer. I am not sure where my facination with dance comes from. Maybe it is the beauty and the fact that it is one of those things that no one can really understand what is involved unless they are there. It is art and professional athletics at the same time, but people do not realize the athleticism.
Thanks for your kind words. -
I think I remember the third part from a short story, but this form sets it in a historical frame. The emotions of excitement with the new shoes, the confidence of achievement, and the sadness of loss add up to a very poignant feeling.
I like the form, it has great possibilities in comparing ideas and developing thoughts. -
A beautiful read as time marches on. Perhaps if time were to wear these slippers it might be a little kinder.
thanks,
John -
First, this is just wonderful. The images and content move gracefully and the emotions were as intense as the visuals. A beautiful portrait.
Second, I am totally and completely intrigued by this creative form! I can't wait to see your refinements and detailed instructions posted in a contest. I will keep my eye out. Lovely on all accounts.
Edited on Feb 07, 1:31 p.m. because ''. -
I thought it was pretty awesome you went ahead and created a new form of poetry. Every form of poetry is a challenge and has something special about it and you brought a new chanllenge into this world. I thought it was a really good idea and the fact that it was inspired by art made it even better. Poetry is supposed to be a visual art just as painting or photography is and whith this, you truly made it that way. I also love any pieces that have to do with dancing. If done right, as it was done here, you can truly feel and see the movement in the poetry. Very well done.
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Wow, it must be hard work thinking up a whole new form of verse! That shows great initiative- always good for a poet. Very poignant images in this piece.
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Exciting
I see what you mean, this is not only a beautiful poem but an ineresting new form. It seems to me that you already have the glitchis worked out I'll bookmark this and I'll be looking for your contest!
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Good
susan, well now very good and of original in style as you said. placing all the aside I like the movement of this piece, the story telling was profound and poignant. I've always liked this theme, (dancer) and marvel at what they must endure. very good write. image and Visions -
Fantastic write! I can't really say anything apart form the others! This is truly wonderful ...very unique form as well. Look forward to reading more.
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good
this was a great poem. i loved it. you show talent. great job. the flow and wording was great. never stop. you can only get better and become a better writer. when i have more time i would love to read more of you poems.
good job
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Hehehe, hard enough for me just to write a poem without having to create a new style. Great work and an interesting format. Loved the poem itself.
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Renae -
Thank you.
This is the type of comment I hope for, I think we all do. When we write we want to know did the reader "see" and "feel" what I wrote. When we find out they did it is a dance of joy. I write mowtly for myself, for the pleasure of creating, but I also want the reader to have the same moment.
Again, thank you for your generous comment.
Susan -
First, I think it's awesome that you're challenging yourself and your poetry by creating this new form. As for the poem itself, I of course reread it after reading your Author's Comments, and it gave the piece a whole new meaning. As I read it, the first stanza depicts her beginnings as a dancer, and the last stanza depicts the poignant close... yet the middle stanza portrays her triumph, the goals that she has achieved, and the beauty she expresses through her art of dance. I loved this poem, and I love the style you've created here. I would definitely be interested in attempting to write something for the contest which you said you might be posting in the next few days, so I'll be looking for it. Overall, I'm very impressed with the depth of emotion in this poem, and I really liked that the form brings it to another level of meaning. Great work, keep it up.
-Renae.
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