Gather round and hear the sound
of this, a tragic tale.
A ship at sea the St. Marie
that floundered in a gale.
The ocean raged the wind was gauged
at knots, one hundred four,
And beat the sails in hellish wails
'til they could take no more.
The souls aboard prayed to the Lord
to save them from the fate,
of endless sleep in briny deep
they knew that did await.
Some men cried and some men sighed
and some laid down to die.
Some gave up and some gave out
and some just said good bye.
The bulkheads crack, a broken back
the waters filled the hold,
and stole the air from those trapped there
'til blue and icy cold.
A gasping breath, the sting of death
their bodies blown and tossed,
To final graves beneath the waves
it sank with all hands lost...
In days of yore upon a shore
the wives and children stood,
to meet their Dads and loving lads
but knew they never would.
They rest their bones with Davey Jones
below the fickle sea,
Until God's call removes them all
from the wreck of the St. Marie.
Author notes
Rakerman1
A contest entry
- Ace's Rhyming Narrative Contest! by AceOSpades.
850 points, ended April 27, 2007, 24 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tales Untold by Sokarjo.
1200 points, ended June 20, 2007, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The very, very best. (I mean it.) by Profesh.
875 points, ended October 3, 2007, 56 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Fiesta! - For my Favourites - by Never Fall in Love.
1250 points, ended March 13, 2008, 27 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want your BEST prewrites!! by perfectsunset.
1000 points, ended April 24, 2008, 60 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 'Phantom Ships at Sea' by Cynthia Gaines.
1200 points, ended August 7, 2008, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Deserve A Gold by celadia.
475 points, ended July 21, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your absolute BEST! (1,009 points, winner takes all) by AutumnsFlame.
1858 points, ended December 5, 2008, 31 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one; enter your best. by broken-colours.
600 points, ended December 12, 2008, 21 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I've Been Here Four Years Today... Remind Me Why :D by DramaQueen469.
4000 points, ended June 26, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 62 of 62
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This is a beautiful write; wonderfully crafted, with amazing rhyme and rhythm to boot
Thankyou so much for entering this in my contest, and I wish you the best of luck!
♥ Maria ♥ -
Well, I was going to enter but forget it now that I see this is here. Congrats on all the trophies by the way. You're an amazing poet.
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100%
"The bulkheads crack, a broken back
the waters filled the hold,
and stole the air from those trapped there
'til blue and icy cold.
A gasping breath, the sting of death
their bodies blown and tossed,
To final graves beneath the waves
it sank with all hands lost..."
THIS was exactly what I was looking for. Though it rhymed, it flowed so well and was hardly noticeable; I could hear the poem being spoken in my mind, almost. No words seemed to have too many or too few syllables; all of them came together and created their own, addictive rhythm. Really impressive.
Nothing else I could have asked for.
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WOW... This absolutely stunned me, and that hasn't happened in awhile. The story was really cool, and I think it's really impressive that you did this in rhyme. Thank you for entering my contest!
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I really like this one. You keep entering it in contests for your absolute best so I guess you like it too. It has a great feel to it and deserves all of the gold it can garner.
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Very nice! The only type-o I saw was "Dads" which should not, in this case, be capitalized. I enjoyed this piece.
Thanks for entering. Best wishes, BookGirl -
I have read this one before and enjoyed it just as much the second time round as i did the first Excellent Good luck in the contest
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Although I cannot see evidnece of it..I remember this poem from a previous contest of mine. It is wonderful!The last two lines are still my favorite.
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Absolutely, Brilliantly, Smashingly Maahvahlous!!!
Thank you for sharing your profound poem, "The Wreck of the St. Marie" with all of us, and thanks also for entering our contest!!! We placed this piece at the top of the list from the very beginning, and so it yet stands as the mark of exemplary gold standard. Great work!!!
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Wow, what a great poem. The rhyme is very effective, and I love it. Not a single forced rhyme, the rhythm is great, and the story is compelling. Plus, you used great imagery of the drowning men, making it emotionally effective but not overly gruesome at the same time. This reminds me of the Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Coleridge, and I hope you see that as the great compliment its meant to be! Straight to finalists...and thank you for this read and for entering. Congratulations on the trophies, they were well deserved.
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This is such an awesome poem!!! I'm so glad I decided to read it. The imagery is outstanding and I easily see why it has more than one cup.
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Fantastic poem.
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awsome poem
your rhyme was flawless....and the story was amazing...i'm not familiar if this was true but i liked it just same..reminds me of the wreck of the edmund fitgerald....i voted for you in the contest by the way
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A Fantastic Write!
my vote is for silver in this contest though well worthy of Gold.
Peace in light and love
Noah
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Wow...this is amazing....the rhyme and flow are absolutly PERFECT....the story fantastic....
...and to give me a pirate tale with my morning coffee....Thank YOU!
I loved it! (read it several times) Great job!....Gets my vote for the gold...holy cow I am stunned this baby doesnt have a gold (yet) How is that even possible?
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after reading this i could see why it's won all those trophies
the rhyme is gorgeous... i seldom see rhyme so well done
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A wonderful example of story telling and done with rhyme so very well Excellent
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Congrats on all those trophies. This is a great poem that tells a very sad story. Good luck in the contests.
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One could sing this ditty and it tells a wonderous tale of tregedy in way to be remembered
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What a great story...I mean, it's sad, but very well penned. The rhyme is smooth and consistant and very natural. Best of luck in the contest.
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This is just so masterly.
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Wow, this was brilliantly penned!!!! Its orginality just shines, and I must mention I am a huge fan of pirates of the caribbean and this poem really reminded me of it and reflected upon it. This was such a beautiful write with loads of imagery and great rhyme.
Absolutely loved these lines
"A gasping breath, the sting of death
their bodies blown and tossed,
To final graves beneath the waves
it sank with all hands lost..."
A treasure to read, thanks for entering & best of luck
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OH MY FUCKING GOD - indeed
Man, george always reaches here before me and says exactly what I want to say. The rhyme scheme that you've used [internal and external rhyme] is one of my personal favourite schemes and you've done superb!
Although the whole poem was downright effective - this part hit me the hardest!
In days of yore upon a shore
the wives and children stood,
to meet their Dads and loving lads
but knew they never would.
it's brilliant and brings some hope but then slaps the person accross the face - and that requires talent, well done
Never ♥
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OH MY FUCKING GOD. I hope you are not averse to my swearing but that was just amazing and I couldn't put it any other way. The rhyme scheme was so perfect for the...jaunty tale you told and so many people try that rhyme scheme and fail but you pulled it off superbly. I just wanted to keep reading! In fact I am gonna read it again. You seem to out-do yourself with every poem I have read, I know this is an older one but...wow! Congratulations on all the trophies as well but in my opinion they should all be gold!
Absolutely loved it! x
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This poem is awesome. I enjoyed reading it so much. Good luck in the contest.
Cathy -
This was just pure poetry!! Excellent rhyming and very enjoyable to read. Thank you entering and good luck
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Fantastic! Great rhyming scheme and superb flow and meter... and such a tragic, beautifully told tale! Thanks for this excellent entry.
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Dear RM
THE GOODS !!
John-Las Vegas -
Congratulations on your silver trophy!
Well deserved! -
Ahhh now this is what I was looking for ... Very "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" in content and style ... and "Sir Patrick Spens" a little bit too... very nice!
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This is one word....AMAZING!!!!! wow what a write! hehe I just got finished watching the Poseidon Adventure too....what simularities cept the P.A. got consumed by a tidal wave. This is a work of art that you have here though...emotion was put into this as well as vivid imagery. Your words tell a story so intense that anyone would be able to hear to sailers dying wails, tears, and thoughts in their head. Your rhyme, meter and flow are flawless. This is Definately one of the best I have read in quite a long time! Awesome job my friend! Completely wonderful compelling write! Consider yourself a shining beacon of genious amongst my favorites!
Keep Penning!
~Sorrow~
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This is a truly impressive write. The rhyme and rhythm are spot on, the detailing authentic, the story poignant.
Even your background was great without overpowering the font and color chosen. Terrific!
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This is very smooth, as others have said, the rhyme is flawless, I've always loved poetry that tells a story, and this does it very well. Thank you for entering.
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I know I said I wasn't going to comment on pre-writes, but I just wanted to let you know that this is a fantastic write. The flow is flawless the rhyming perfect. I absolutely loved it. Thank you for the entry in my contest.
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What a great poem! Your metre is fascinating and really lends itself to the subject matter. Thanks!
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This is Amazing!! Wow..just wow..The flow is great and easy to follow and the rhyming isn't forced, its..just wow. Keep writing!!!
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A good does of chills; in short, excellent
//I had to keep from crying!! That was very beautiful, a good chill running down my back, and all the more interesting. Very well done!!!] -
Near perfect!!!
Very well done! My only complaint, and it's a very small one, lies wherein you say, "the bulkheads crack, a broken back." You change verb tense here which is slightly off, but again, this is very minor to me. This is very well done. The rhyme and rythm are absolutely suberb, and the narrative flow is excellent as well. Basically, you say what you want to say, and say it the exact way you want to, with very, very few flaws. Excellent!!! (You also get one of my rare applauses!) -
The very first part just caught me,I was forced to read the rest.Did you put a spell on me?
"Gather round and hear the sound
of this, a tragic tale"
You already want to read it.A good intro is everything.
"A ship at sea the St. Marie
that floundered in a gale
The ocean raged the wind was gauged
at knots, one hundred four"
Your use of words like 'floundered' and 'gale'...the flowy words just make you want to keep reading!
Keep writing!
~Talitha -
Excellent
Absolutely wonderful. The ballad form is a rather hard one to master. But this could have went on endlessly, to me - and I get the feeling from reading it that you probably felt the same way. This inspires the way good work should. It seems like it came out of you quite effortlessly. -
this was an absolutely breathtaking piece. everything about it was wonderful, the name, the rhyme, the flow, everything. thank you for putting it up for people to read!!
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This poem intrigued me, for some reason. Probably the name. Anyway, this is well written, and it flows nice. Nice work.
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Beautiful
That is amazing. I absolutely love it! Do you mind if I post it on my Xanga site? (www.xanga.com/rhymeswithpurple) I promise I'll give you absolutely all of the credit, and I'll link you if you want.
Edited on Feb 08, 6:19 p.m. because ''. -
You really did a superb job on this..........Your rhyme and meter was flawless and the images were just awesome..I have nothing else to say except FINE JOB!!!!!!!Wowwwwwwwwwwwww
Loved the story too.......
Smiles
your way >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Sandy 
San-d
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wow-----------I have goose bumps. Such a great job relating the story ...I enjoyed reading this. Great job. And your rhyming was great too.
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One of the best story poems I have read in a very long time. Meter perfect and the rhyming scheme as smooth as creamy peanutbutter. Great stuff.
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Outstanding - Perfection
Another perfect poem. You may be the best. Best so far.
You would enjoy my poem, UNDEAD SLAVES ON MONSTER WAVES
allpoetry.com/Poem/1584347
Ellis -
Wow... I liked this one, it was spectacular(if they had a fire works emote I would put it here.. but sadly...), I would say it is your best work yet, and I loved all the vocabulary, and the way it went wasn't just a poem, it was a story as well! Sort of... I think... Well pal, I loved it! Gratz mate!
~Tom
Favorite Stanza(in this case sort of a paragraph)...
The bulkheads crack, a broken back
the waters filled the hold
and stole the air from those trapped there
'til blue and icy cold
A gasping breath, the sting of death
their bodies blown and tossed
To final graves beneath the waves
it sank with all hands lost...
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wow! wonderful poem...i loved this!! ^_^
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How well this is written. I remember the first time I read it..my name being Mary. I personalized it of course..and well you know.
LOL, ROTFLMAO. (better go take my pills
) 
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Great work Raker!!! I love the way this rhymes. Very well written.
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This is really good Raker. Forgive me though, while I giggle (just a little) as I was thinking of Gilligan's Island with the way it began...."Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip..." hehehe. Very well written Raker and it's not your fault I'm corrupted with teenage memoriabilia ;f
~Lyrical
Edited on Feb 06, 6:09 p.m. because ''. -
Really well done - flows well and good rhythm and rhyme - vivid visuals bring the scenes to life. Can almost hear the music in the background.
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Wow I absolutely loved this poem! It flowed so nicely, I'm glad I read it out loud. The rhyming was perfect--I can tell you put a lot of effort into it. Another thing I loved about it was it's originality. You don't often see poems such as this on AP but I'm glad to have found one! Good job!
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nice tale told oh so very well,
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Wooow. This was very beautifully composed. Elegent and a fine read.
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A tremendous write...brilliant flow and awesome scheme....
thoroughly enjoyed it....a dam fine piece of work...well done and thanks for sharing -
Enjoyable.
Very interesting. I heard the beat within my head as I read it. Your syntax does need some work, however the poem's beat and measure make that nearly invisible. I thoroughly enjoyed your use of creativity and loose imagry. -
Oh, i am at a loss for words! This was just excellent! No improvement needed! It was a story within a poem. I loved reading this. You have done a fine job sir. A very fine job indeed!
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This is great. Not something you stumble upon here at AP. I love the loric quality! Excellent!
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This is a very descriptive folklore poem. I like the way this is laid out, with the ending set apart from the rest. Good choice of words and rhymes. Thanks for sharing this. Susan
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i love this, old sailor lore and those kinds of tales really interest me. the rhyming and fairly simple language adds to its accessibility and gives it a folky feel. i could imagine a bunch of colonists singing this around a fire, hmm. very deep, very emotional, very real, very storytelling. bravo!
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