Space was lost in darkness before
words give birth to light.
And spoke of a universal creation,
before stars were viewed by sight.
Before image became imagination,
and thoughts were thought as wise.
Before the cosmos was perceived by man,
and seen by mortal eyes.
Whose words spoke first and whispered to earth,
and breathed the breath of life?
Whose hands formed lands of rocks and sand,
beneath the desert sky?
What force was the cause and effect,
that projected forth space and time?
This other realm outside the physical,
and our limited state of mind.
I look to find my makers heart,
and ask the reason why.
in all your glorious creation,
for what purpose
did you make I ?
Author notes
POY* this is about asking the biggest question in my life,,
A contest entry
- Give me your best ! by vasi.
700 points, ended March 10, 2007, 123 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1st Round: Anything you want......:D [[Closes in 1 hour!]] by xox-lankan-xox.
450 points, ended April 18, 2007, 171 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspire a young depressed soul, give me inspiration by Fedrizzi.
340 points, ended December 20, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Survival of the Wittiest by Avatar of Innocence.
500 points, ended February 4, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - just about anything :) by nobodys-girl.
300 points, ended April 10, 2008, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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This is good, I like the rhyme but I consider it religious which is against the rules. So ... it has to be removed. Remember, when I remove a poem I lose points too.
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this is just a good poem! i think absolutly everyone asks this questions at one point or another in their lives. thankyou so very much for entering my contest and good luck!
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The last line is my only real problem with this poem. It seems really awkward...May I make a suggestion? What about "does my thought in query lie?" I don't know...there seems a real struggle to make the last line rhyme with second line of the third stanza...If would be better to rearrange the thoughts so that the last line could have greater impact. Maybe I'm being stuffy and weird, but "did you make I?" just seems very difficult to grasp if this poem is written with a modern state of mind versus "olde english" style
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You did not follow the Rules ~
Rules are made to be followed......I'm sorry, but this write is DQ'd ~
Bear ~
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Very well put, your rhyme scheme was spot on and everything was just so wel written! I loved the poem (^.^) ty for entering and good luck
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Wow!
You, know what at first I will admit when I read the title I didn't think this was going to be a good poem. But wow, have you ever changed my mind, this is a great piece and I think you deserve a chance in the next round. Because this was a great piece
. So in short you should be recieveing an HM for this and good luck in the next round! Thanks a lot for entering this piece into my contest and good luck!
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I look to find my makers heart,
and ask the reason why.
in all your glorious creation,
for what purpose
did you make I ?
that was just lovely well done its beautiful..good luck in my contest
laura xxx -
I really enjoyed reading this poem, it flowed well and I could easily to relate to where you were coming from. Message me if you want your score, make sure to include the name of your poem. Thanks, bye.
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beautifully done
I believe I recognize your style mingled in the midst of the 60 entries I recieved...
(which is a huge compliment on one's talent)
You never fail (FT.) to make me think and this one, I will have to agree with you, is one of your best...asking questions that we all wonder....
I love this and thank you for gracing my contest with your talent
Lynda
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good job, you've asked alot of very good and thought out questions. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest!
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Beautifully amazing...
That's all I can say!
Thank you so much for entering. Best of luck in the contest!
- Alexa -
******************************Phew!!
a beautiful poem i must say....it's a....ummm what should i say...you've captures the quintessence of poetry....i love the way you put forward your thoughts...about the maker of this world...i like you wording specially lines like
"Before image became imagination,
and thoughts were thought as wise"
It's amazign how you've used these words....
Your poem rhymes also very well...and it flows beautifully without any glitches...
Then i love the way you take all of the sense of the poetry and take it to a meaningful culmination...an end which was as intriguing as it was unexpected!!
What more can i say...i live for poems like this one
Thanx for sharing this
Luv
VidZ -
I love this kind of stuff. Very useful. I just finished The Science of God by Gerald Schroeder - all about creation and the Big Bang. But there is also a personal message in your poem. Nicely rounded out.
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I like the poem. Good work!
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This is a lovely piece of poetry! It flows nicely in the heart. I don't know what the contest rules called for, but I do like this one just the way the poet wrote it! Good luck in the contest!!
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I liked this poem its a neat perspective on creation. I love it. I hope you win.
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Such an interesting last line - did you make I? Some good rhyme here - easy to read and understand as welll.
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Awesome... it gives a lot to think about! Very deep. Good luck in the contest!
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I think we have all asked that question at one point in our lives
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I think you did great describing the world and the Maker that put her and all of us here. Maybe your purpose was to write beautiful poetry?
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a (dutch) friend also says it doesn't rhyme...
Whose words spoke first and whispered to earth,
and breathed the breath of life?
Whose hands formed lands of rocks and sand,
beneath the desert sky?
What force was the cause and effect,
that projected forth space and time?
This other realm outside the physical,
and our limited state of mind.
this part. -
I don't think it does. That might be because I'm dutch and I pronounce words not right. But I don't think it does.
time - mind? I don't know, maybe I was wrong. Can you tell me what words do rhyme in your opinion. -
It does rhyme...I suppose people have thier opinions, but to me, the middle rhymes just as beautifully as the rest of the poem....
to you and keep penning your lovely words ...Lynda
Edited on Feb 07, 1:51 because 'tired
'.
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Thanks Debbie,,im loving your work,, how is life, what you been up to,how have you been
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It funny i write this when some friends wanted to go for a swim,, not my beach but a beach near my friend Jodies place i didnt feel like sweming so i write this instead
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This is a wonderful poem...I really love this!!
Excellent!!!..
debbie
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thanks Lynde,, some one thinks it didnt rhyme in the middle but i think it does,,anyway you realy are a angel and a great poey,,
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What part dont you think rhyme,, it rhymes to me,, "Breath of life, desert sky ' space and time , state of mind"..
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Aww what a beautiful perspective on creation. And what a beautiful way to ask "why am I here?" I liked this one a lot on so many levels--the poetic, the spiritual/religious, the personal. Beautiful stuff. I wonder if you were out on your fave beach when you wrote this? Keep up the great work.
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awesome
It is better han god, it is great! It gives the reader a lot to think about.....The mening and reason for our existance....It is magical and beautifully written....WOW!!!!! I truly loe this one!...Lynda
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Very Nice! Good job! I truly enjoyed reading your poem!
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yay, you tell me (for what I've seen so far) very well why it's good :| ... well, anyway.
I agree, nice flow you have, and I love the end.
Though I think it's too bad there's no rhyme in the middle part, but it's not very bad, because it is.. the middle part. the poem still is symmetric.
thanks for entering
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Well undoubtedly the canvas of the subject is very deep and very spirtual too bringing the depth of this whole creation just in few words through and through.The philosophies of the life is told here to highlight its relevance in terms of the purpose of it too.The flow of the write is very impressive and just to the point too.I really appreciate this work.prabhudyal khattar
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