... for Mr. Bell ...
... in memory of Mrs. Bell ...
Sagebrush murmurs fill the midnight air;
the Colorado ripples in the darkness,
reflectionless beneath the moonless stars,
where creosotes sing ancient roundelays,
dreamtime songs as subtle as the sound
of shooting stars that drift across the skies.
Long remembered eyes reflect the twilight
and close against the nascent touch of dawn;
the Colorado ripples in the darkness
fade until a wide unbroken glaze
reflects the windless cold of morning light
where creosotes sing ancient roundelays.
Nothing stirs within the rising dusk
as silhouettes break free from indistinction;
and close against the nascent touch of dawn
a presence lingers lovingly behind
to fill a dreamless sleep with gentle thoughts
of shooting stars that drift across the skies.
Sunrise casts a bold array of shadows
that shift like flames within the memory;
as silhouettes break free from indistinction,
the shock of transformation slowly fades
until the mind can sense a subtle touch
where creosotes sing ancient roundelays.
A treasured presence slips from clarity,
seeming insubstantial as the winds
that shift like flames within the memory;
yet breathing freely in the depths of night,
her vital essence glides within the wake
of shooting stars that drift across the skies.
Like echoes of an unseen remnant force,
sagebrush murmurs fill the midnight air,
seeming insubstantial as the winds;
reflectionless beneath the moonless stars,
throughout the open landscapes of the wild,
transcendental traces fill the void
where creosotes sing ancient roundelays
of shooting stars that drift across the skies.
Author notes
to learn more about the hybridanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/1086828/all=1
Written February 6th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 84 of 84
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kinda makes me wanna sit outside at night and read it lol i would never be able to do that
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Exquisite in description
Wow I really love this poem. It is so descriptive, beautiful choice of words. I really don't know what to say..it leaves one speechless -
well as you might have guessed, this piece is pretty much locked down. not a lot of room for revision. still,
i'm not sure what you mean by L1S1 needing a stronger pause. do you mean within the line or at the end of the line? because when i read it there's a pretty significant pause at the close of the line, and internal to the line i don't see where a pause would add anything. so, if you'd be willing to clarify, please do. always open to your thoughts.
as for L2 starting with a more sonically soothing note, i'm wondering if are familiar with the pronunciation of "Colorado". it's actually a beautiful sounding word that flows nicely (not to mention a beautiful river). i can't find a sound byte that you can listen to so you can hear the word's pronunciation, but it sounds like this, more or less: ('call uh ,rod oh). i'm pretty sure that when you hear the word in your ears you'll change your mind about it's soothingness.
now i don't know about the sublte sound of shooting stars being a stretch. i've seen a lot of shooting stars in my years, many of which have streaked across the skies as i prayed or otherwise complained to the heavens out in deserts, mountains, or other wildernesses. and i'll tell you, some of them are audible, i kid you not. just barely, but still audible. those lines come directly from personal observation. the most audible by far of them was one--well two--that streaked clear across my field of vision about 45 degrees from the horizon at transit. they were on the same exact trajectory and probably originally connected, and big enough to leave two visible slightly wrinkled smoke trails. and i most certainly heard them--like a slight sizzle in the distance. i've pondered the possibility that my brains provided the aural experience because the light show was so spectacular that maybe my brain figured it needed some aural input, but even if this were the case, then subtle is merely transposed onto an imprinted sound rather than an actual sound, but still applicable to an actual experience.
now, with S2L2 i find i agree with you, but then we're back to the fact that this poem is locked down--not easily edited. it's part of the style of this poem not to use periods internal to a stanza.
i'm glad you took the time to point out a few areas you feel could use improvement, and i'm double glad you shared some of your thougths about the poem's content itself with me.
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Imagery is suggestive of melancholy, moonless stars is an excellent connotation. L1 S1 needs a stronger pause, L2 can start with a more sonically soothing note. “Reflectionless” is again a sign of mourning. “Sound of shooting stars” is little overkill. Stretching the real, mood inducing atmosphere to the contrived. S2 L2: I stumble at the semicolon, and I expect a longer pause.
The poem revolves around the loss of a dear friend, it is atmospheric and mood inducing. The brooding ambience and mourning mood is captured well in this Hybridanelle…Great job!
D
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so sorry I read this the other day and diddnt realise. I didnt mean to waste your points. Still a fabulous poem and well worth another read
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Sad, beautiful
It was very sad and beautiful and well written as well - it flowed and it was imaginitive. Well done. -
supernaturally wonderful
Thank you for your kind applaud I saw this poem as one featured and once again, am awe-inspired by your work. I particuarly enjoyed the repition of certain words and sentances placed at various intervals- they seemed to be randomly placed throughout the piece, but so perfectly random
I also enjoy a piece of writing that makes me have to grab a dictionary and add new words to my own vocabulary.
Bravo!
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Exceptional
Such a perfect portrait painted in my mind from your writeing here, you have an amazing knack for descriptive imagry through writeing. Extremely wonderful job, the style and form of your message are impeccable. Thanks for the opportunity to read such a fine piece of poetry. Keep up the excellent writing, looking forward to more reads from you in the future without a doubt! -
I didnt fully onderstand this poem but it was sooooo beautiful. You truely gave a way with words. it balled me over im so glad I clicked here. MY hope is that someday I will be able to write half as good as you
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superb
yay. you did well again. i'm envious. you're great. every single write. 'the Colorado ripples in the darkness,' -
I don't know how I missed this piece but I am glad I saw it today. You gift continues to glow in this forest of multiple fruited and varigated conglomeration of pen armed persons. I think I enjoyed the comments as much as the reminder of the life Colorado breathes on her own. Naw! The poem was better.
Later neighbor. -
Very good, but I would suggest thinking about what it is that you would like to say, and then say it in as few words as is possible. Cut out the chaff, if you will, I think you will find your poetry improve tremendously. Much Love.
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Stunningly beautiful piece. Wonderful imagry and flow. Excellent job!
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Stunningly beautiful piece. Wonderful imagry and flow. Excellent job!
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the forms of poetry are great i reckon, i have a fair few written myself, a good piece here, the second of this type i have read. nicely done. spill ink and twist me into the shape of love.
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I enjoyed reading this, and agree with an above comment, it sounds very lyrical, much like a lullaby.
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Wow. This is utterly amazing. It's such beautiful poetry and I can only hope to be half as good. The imagery is so perfect. I would say what was my favourite part but it's all flawless. Lovely work.
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I have read and commented on this piece of work before so must say "sorry" for wasting your points. BTW, it's still fabulous.
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Genious
"Like echoes of an unseen remnant force"
I don't know much about poetry but that seems ghostly especially with the words "unseen" and force. I figured out by the comments that is about death and unrest of a spirit however I am glad that this is my first comment on here..
I enjoyed the poem....
ls
Edited on Feb 21, 9:22 p.m. because 'because'. -
I clicked on this in curiosity about exactly what is "Hybridanelle". I still don't quite understand it but your poem was so beautiful. I will have to take you up on the link and learn more of this. Your poem is a well orchestrated piece of work and I intend to come back and read more of your writings. Thank for sharing your beautiful words with me. ~val~
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reflectionless beneath the moonless stars,
throughout the open landscapes of the wild,
transcendental traces fill the void
where creosotes sing ancient roundelays
of shooting stars that drift across the skies.
these lines just got me. i am not sure why, i have to think about that for a bit. i love the fact that your vocabulary usage in here is expanded beyond everyday conversational words. that is good. thank you for sharing this awesome poem with me today. viyanna r langager -
Aww...yes...I remember reading this piece before. Still, it is a good piece and like i said before, Mr. Bell would be happy to have such a poem as this. Thank you for sharing it.
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I don't think I have ever heard of this type of form, but it looks very challenging from just reading this beautiful poem. Though I'm not quite sure of the subject, the imagery was truly fantasic and it left a very majestic feeling behind. Not many lengthy poems can catch my attention very well, but this one did quite the decent job of that. Very well done. I see nothing I can critique when it comes to this piece. I may just try and learn about this form, and eprhaps try it myself if I'm ever up for a challenge.
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"Sagebrush murmurs fill the midnight air;"
Fabulous opening line . . . to start off with! This piece ooozed literary illusions . . . with brilliant metaphors . . . enticing imagery . . . perfect personification . . . wow! There's an incredibly emotional message coming through loud and clear to the reader! Well written!!! This is a beautiful remembrance of someone who was obviously dear to you!!! Keep penning . . . and please . . . keep sharing!
Maggie -
very emotional in word scence!!! good job keep it up nicly writen!!!
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Sooo nice.
Wonderful writing.
Keep it up!
~Pancake -
wonderful
This was interesting to read. There was a lull about it, something that tugged in familiarity. Mostly the fact taht many lines were repeated (which I'm not used to) but that made this feel like it could be a song, a lullaby, meant to comfort, meant to draw down a sense of peace. I could actually hear crickets chirp as I read this (and it's February still!)
Very good work. And now, I'm off to bed, and thank you for such wonderful images and words to toss about while I dream.
Take care,
Nick -
Brilliant!
This was an odyssey of mystical awakening. A rampant wondering
of the imagination. One that ignited the quasar of the heart
to burst forth in reverent jubilation.
Okay, this was just a fancy way of saying I thought it was
a spectacular poem. The images gave illumination to the
creative process of the mind. One could fade in the backdrop
of this celestial galactic fantasy and become one with
creation. You have a way with words that makes them
stunningly captivating. Keep up the excellent writing!
P.S. You should enter contest on AP. Its a great way to
get more exposure and challenge yourself.
Also you can win trophies and points.
The points you can use to give your own contest. -
This is a most beautiful poem. I truely enjoyed reading.
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Beautiful And Intriguing
This poem truly touches me, I'm amazed at the length and detail placed in the poem. I love the use of language and wording to bring your view across. I would love to see more of your work, it is beautiful to dedicate work to people, and I am touched by your poem.
Your choice language and wording has placed the poem in a place of deserved honour. Your dedication and style has given you praise and honour through this website for your poem. Your emotional and poetic mind has came out as you pen this poem. You deserve an honourable and worthy praise.
Edited on Feb 21, 3:39 p.m. because 'I'd Like To Give Greater Detail'. -
You're such a talented poet. This is a great piece as usual. Can't expect anything but greatness from you brava!!
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Erin, how do you do it? This piece of work is so so beautiful, I'm sure that Mr Bell is greatly appreciative of this tribute for his wife, I know that I would be. Your work is exquisite,you have a rare gift my friend.Val.
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so beautiful I wish I could write like this
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This poem really touched me. I lived in Colorado for 13 years and still consider it my true home. Your work made me miss home very much. Beautiful write, love the form.
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excellent
Keep um coming! You have done a very wonderful job on this piece of poetic art, and it's done in and eloquent style of poetry, I truely enjoyed the read.......Ennovy -
very nice
I have a brother who lives in colorado and I have heard it is gods country. I liked your poem very much. Made my dark morning have more light. Thank you so much for sharing it wth me. Kikidee -
I don't think I can usefully add to the positive comments others have made before me about this beautifully written and immaculately crafted poem , so I'll simply add my own sincere acclaim.
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Well written but it felt more like a opening setting of a book then a rant or poem. Still I liked it.
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This is a lovely piece so beautifuly written Oh, I really enjoyed this a lot..This was really fun to read. To be so creative I enjoyed reading it.Nice tone an good flow. Keep up
the good work This is amazing and a beautiful tribute. I love the vivid descriptions,I feel like I'm looking to the night sky and feeling the wind.
My favorite lines are:
Like echoes of an unseen remnant force,
sagebrush murmurs fill the midnight air,
seeming insubstantial as the winds;
reflectionless beneath the moonless stars -
The touch of death is so delicate in this magical poem. I agree with my fellows that it feels like the touch of an angel and that death is a blessed journey. This is a wonderful write that I will read again and again and feel another level of emotion each time.. all as if in a dream. Thank you.
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some people take critical review to be hyper-critical, don't they. As always, your ability to follow the rules of this form, amazes me. This piece made me think of the stars and how insignificant they make me feel yet somehow we are all a part of the universe. Enjoyed how the piece brought to bear words I haven't heard or seen in a while like "creosotes" and "roundelays." I thought this was fresh and thought-provoking. take every critique with a grain of salt, fellow poet, not everyone has to like it. But I did.
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Oh, I really enjoyed this a lot. The imagery is amazing. I love when people's words can let me envision scenes and your words did just that. This is a write truly worth the praise!!!
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This is beautiful ,It has such a ffragrant feel and romantic undertones.It was like i wanted it to go on and on .The images and the words had a great sensitivity and beauty clinging to it .Was thoroughly beautiful.
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Love the imagery. It's so deeply descriptive but so descriptive that you'll lose the reader. An amazingly well writtin poem that only makes me wonder how long before we'll be seeing your work in bookstores.
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Amazing.wow, how incredibly really enjoyed reading this piece.Very intresting read. Great wow nice job done here.This was really fun to read. To be so creative what a talent. I enjoyed reading it.Nice tone an good flow. Keep up
the good work This is amazing and a beautiful tribute. I love the vivid descriptions,I feel like I'm looking to the night sky and feeling the wind.
My favorite lines are:
Like echoes of an unseen remnant force,
sagebrush murmurs fill the midnight air,
seeming insubstantial as the winds;
reflectionless beneath the moonless stars -
WONDERFUL POEM
This was such a wonderful poem. It was very heartfelt. You penned such amazing imagery. An excellent poem and a pleasure to read this morning. Thank you for sharing. Take care, Sandy
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Hey! I know I have already commented .... just felt like promoting this one..
you know me -
ok i was dreamily seduced by this wonderful peace of work and i am like so glad i scrolled through the above comments because i was so wondering what a creosote was. Thanks for the links and info. I can't hep it, i ,too, am a high society POVERTYNECK HILLBILLY, rofl, shucks, i come from that pert of the "cuntry".
ok i am done now. I just had to get that off my chest(oh if i only had one). Why is it that some people think that low incomed poverty level people are not level headed, well educated, and well versed people and poets. such discrimination. Wish i could write as good as you, I do try. -
With all due respect Mr. England I am just a freshman highschooler and I find Mr. Erin's work extremely interesting.
As far as the common people goes: It sounds as if you think the common individual to be stupid and can't comprehend a write that has something more than just a pretty surface.
And it does take alot of studying to write as he does....
Not everybody writes so that you don't have to think for yourself and on a personal note I think it extremely rude for you have made such instant accusations about Mr. Thomas and his life. ..... What you must of mean't by upper class "folks"
is educated individuals.
KAY -
ILE: ahh, yes, the creosote bush.
some info:
extension.usu.edu/rangeplants/Woody/creosotebush.htm
some pictures:
www.suu.edu/faculty/martin/creosotebush/creosotebush.htm
and much of the implied significance in relation to this poem can be discovered in this article (which i only now just found in order to provide you with information--my information on the creosote had previously come from several other sources):
www.hcn.org/servlets/hcn.Article?article_id=11165 -
PE: you'll find that punctuation helps readability. as for your implication that i'm of the upper class variety, why thank you. that's a nice thing to say to someone who was raised and has lived in poverty all his life. maybe one of these days i'll have a few dollars to go with the compliment.
i do care about my education, and about the quality of my work. as such, i find that i'm interested in writing material that does appeal to the more educated. some will see this as a flaw, some won't. you apparently are one who sees this as a flaw.
still, bear in mind that you have made these rather intense value judgements on my person, my work, and my life focus from reading a single poem. it's possible your opinion would begin to change if you read more. -
not my cup of tea
I got about half way through this and it was boring me to death the big write up that you give on your welcome page said you study alot of poetry and by the looks of this you try to emulate poets of the past, you say poetry is an art, I think that as well, but I look for more straight to the point stuff in your face, I would say your poems are proberly liked by loads of upper class folks but will never be understood by the common people your work will never intrest people from council
streets no disrespect in what I'm saying here but we are at two different ends of a very long ladder I wish you luck but your stuff is not really my cup of tea I'm like clarence cliff,
so plain easy to understand but any one who reads one of my poems will be able to understand it and most of my work is about true life yours with all respect paul england -
I am going to stop reading your work as I usually end up sick with envy. Another excellent crafted piece as you interlock images to produce a great pen picture.
Just a minor queery though. I understood creosote was a chemical tar-like preservative and not a living thing therefore singing creosotes (first verse)has me a bit confused.
Jim S -
beautiful/amazing!
This is amazing and a beautiful tribute. I love the vivid descriptions,I feel like I'm looking to the night sky and feeling the wind.
My favorite lines are:
Like echoes of an unseen remnant force,
sagebrush murmurs fill the midnight air,
seeming insubstantial as the winds;
reflectionless beneath the moonless stars
This is inspirational to me.Keep up the great work. -
That was beautifully written. You did as you said in your comment below; you wrote a poem that "honors the loss and pain of someone you've never met in a way that is respectful, contributive, not too personal, not trite of repetative, and fundamentally animistic". Truly meaningful, this work has purpose and depth. I felt a certain serenity when I read it, and I just wanted to drift away with her...
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Sagebrush murmurs fill the midnight air;
the Colorado ripples in the darkness,
reflectionless beneath the moonless stars,
where creosotes sing ancient roundelays,
dreamtime songs as subtle as the sound
of shooting stars that drift across the skies.
Magnificent, I draw a lot of inspiration from your work....terrific effort -
Beautiful Hybridinelle Erin. And the sentiment was engaging and a balm for the reader, as it was, I'm sure, for the Bells.
John
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Well that is just apathy and you probably admire mr. bell a whole lot and considered the pain he was going through.
I respect poetry that isn't written with both faces showing.
It gives the reader's mind liberty to expand and ponder. I will check out some more of your stuff when I have a little bit more time on here. as far as it being enormously challenging that doesn't seem to phase you according to todance....she seems to think highly of you.
Jake
Edited on Feb 08, 9:43 p.m. because ''. -
kg23: thank you jake. it's very difficult to write a poem like this that tries to honor the loss and pain of someone you've never met in a way that is respectful, contributive, not too personal, not trite or repetative, and fundamentally animistic. well i suppose the animistic part was easy for me because this is how i look at the universe anyway, but the rest was very challenging and time consuming. i treated the writing of this poem as if it were being written to someone i knew well, whose feelings mattered to me, like the poem i wrote for my friend Del post mortem, "On a Life Left Unfinished" ( allpoetry.com/poem/1639882/all=1 ). considering i don't know him at all, except for what i've learned via broadcasts, this was enormously challenging. i have a rather demanding muse.
Edited on Feb 07, 11:52 p.m. because ''. -
mav13: i like the idea of this poem being able to offer someone an experience like you've described. thank you for your thoughts.
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MAE: i agree.
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VG: thank you for your thoughts. glad you enjoyed this.
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This is immortal in so many ways that I had to think really hard and pinch myself to keep my feet on the ground.
Nice one. Jake -
I really enjoyed it i almost lost myself in it, as if i couldnt hear the world around me. keep up the great writes! i,m looking forward to more.
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great imagery i got lost in it. i liked this poem i like the intercept laura chose aswell. good write
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"where creosotes sing ancient roundelays,
dreamtime songs as subtle as the sound
of shooting stars that drift across the skies."
Beautifully said.....great write. -
Coast to Coast from the high desert good morning good evening wherever you may be... I think the entire CTC family felt Art's loss everywhere we were.
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very, VERY, sensitive. I want to know her. Good write!
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Nice
a full of feelings, humurs,moods,, and a courage to make someone rmembers the past.......nice......Very well done....excellent. a very good and a very moody poem..... -
*Brilliant* absolutely great!
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Fantastic!
ah! You almost had me wanting to drift into death with her!
It was definitley a floating sensation but my feet didn't find void... they found something to look forward to. I had to go back through some notes so that I might soak in the full effect, but once I got it....it was like wow.
I am going to take on your task but I have some questions.
Anyway this isn't the place. Fantastic write dude! I am glad you left me in the dark with some of it because I enjoyed it even more in this order.
Looking forward to more,
KAY -
Amazing
this poem is absoulutly beautiful. I think its amazing that you did not know these people personally and yet you are able write a poem about them with a stunning descriptive imagry that usually only a close friend can acheive.
Edited on Feb 06, 8:20 p.m. because ''. -
You've outdone yourself. This is absolutely stunning. It is so descriptive and vivid. What a great way to honor one who has gone to the other side. I hope you sent this poem to Mr. Bell. He will cherish it.
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Very nice. i could picture it as i read it. Maybe this Mr. Bell would like a copy of this. If I were him, I would. Very nice indeed. I have found myself wandering back to your poems. They are like no other and keep me inrested. Thank you for sharing them. I hope you take your writing to the next level and get some out on the book shelves. I will keep an eye out!
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This is good, i couldnt get a good chance to really read it cause tha words damn near blended in wit tha background. But it was awsome.
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Send it to him. I am sure he would love it. It's a very good poem, and it says basically all you need to say.
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enchanting
Wow what wonderful words you have used to compose this read, and bring us all on this trip with you, total enjoyment to read your piece of poetic art! Ennovy -
intoxicating
Beautiful imagery! I was quite impressed with your use of words as well. To pull a compliment out of me is a difficult challenge, but I am totally & completely impressed with this one. Cheers! -
Lovely........
Wow! This is a brilliant write, no two ways about that. You have painted a beautiful picture for the universe to behold through your wonderful words. I admire your patience with creating spectacular poetry. I love the choice of words you have used and how well they are inter-woven together to create this masterpiece. You are a genius and an inspiration to me ever since the day I first joined this site. I love the flow of this poem and the organisation of the various stanzas. The background is perfect for the poem. I enjoyed the repetition of the "s" sound in both these lines:
"dreamtime songs as subtle as the sound
of shooting stars that drift across the skies"
I like the alliteration(repetition of the "l" sound) and overall feel of this line alot:
"a presence lingers lovingly behind"
Best wishes,
Charishma Ramchandani
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Hi. a very lovely write, beautiful clear images , I hate it when things are hidden under five feet of abstract metaphores, this is a super write and was a pleasure to read, all the best, Di
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suzeecue: actually it's not for someone i know personally, but a public figure who's wife recently passed away. when i heard about it--more specifically, when i heard this person's direct account of his experience with his loss, i was pretty moved and inspired to write something for him in her memory.
very glad you enjoyed this poem. -
Excellent
What a beautiful tribute for your friend, the imagery was impecable, it felt so natural almost like I could feel a crisp cool breeze as Im reading this. My favorite part was the fifth stanza (I hope thats what you call it you know me I need poetry for dummies lol) I have been trying so hard to write a piece for Nikki but my mind just cant get the words together the way Id like to and its becoming very frustrating. You have such a talent Erin and I am honored to be able to read your work and learn from you. -
Some vivid images created through your choice of words - senses - see the shooting stars, smell the sagebrush, feel the crispness of the Colorado morn - lovely write you have penned here. Great form.
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