My room is small, just a six by eight,
No window to look out, just a big iron gate.
On each of three sides, stands a cold concrete wall;
Where I keep a picture of my son, when he learned to crawl.
It seems to this day, I'll never see him again,
Next week is his birthday, he will be ten.
I saw him last year, and he was real sad;
He said "I miss you so much, I love you dad".
It was real hard, as I listened to his words,
He told me things he's done, and that he really loved birds.
Then his eyes would tear up, as I would try to explain,
That he'd have to continue alone, and carry on our family name.
Half past one, just thirty minutes to go,
I'll take my last walk, down the halls of death row.
My last final minutes, I sit here and cry,
Thinking of my life, and how quick it's gone by.
They deliver my last meal, don't feel that I can eat;
I just stare at my food, while I cry in my seat.
I put my hands together, to the lord I will pray,
Please forgive me for my sins, as I die on this day.
I am startled by the sound, as they opened up my door,
I find myself fainting, and dropping to the floor.
They bring me to my feet, and help me to the hall;
I hold tight in my hands, the picture from my wall.
The sweat on my brow, begins to run down my face;
They strap my feet, to hold them in place.
Not much longer now, before they start,
I feel a pain in my chest, I hear the pound of my heart.
The seat is hard, against my tensed back,
Restraints on my wrist, there is no slack.
Blind fold on my eyes, I cannot see around;
A click from behind, I hear not a
(as I look down upon the room I see my sons face pressed upon the glass and can hear him say "I still love you dad" as his picture falls from my hand to the ground.)
Author notes
Two hours after the execution, they found out that John was in fact innocent. The real murderer was caught after commiting murder again, and had confessed to John's crime and three others.
by: Driftwood/Gary Boykin
(wrongful death)
In a list
- Things I enjoyed reading. • next in list
- Dark lonely chapters • next in list
- Dark Horror • next in list
A contest entry
- Prewrites mania!! by Xx Luna xX.
550 points, ended January 7, 2008, 26 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Impress Me! by Auburn Sunrise.
1000 points, ended January 24, 2008, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me a Poem by Marcus..
300 points, ended January 25, 2008, 21 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hit me with your best shot by De-Throned.
450 points, ended February 20, 2008, 33 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING IN THE WORLD!!!! 1000 pts. by Rdy2begorgeous.
1000 points, ended February 21, 2008, 64 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you want by fairytalelovestory.
625 points, ended April 11, 2008, 72 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give it your all I want the best of AP!!! by Zane Rose.
1600 points, ended March 15, 2008, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Invite For... Silver winners Judged by RedwingSpirit.
475 points, ended April 4, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - From The Heart by CanadianGirl1.
650 points, ended March 24, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm in the mood for anything, SO GO FOR IT! by Chocoholic156.
750 points, ended April 17, 2008, 73 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - best prewrites by serenity silvermoon.
600 points, ended April 6, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A little something for everyone :F by redhanded.
1000 points, ended May 12, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything & prewrites!, as short, long, freewritten or rhyming as you wanna be! by wendymolly.
690 points, ended June 14, 2008, 56 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Stun me. by heavenbird.
590 points, ended December 5, 2008, 27 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes by Shancy Fayre.
700 points, ended January 5, 27 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Anything (PW Allowed) by swimmeroks.
900 points, ended January 6, 108 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Any poem. by Blue-Rose Beauty.
1900 points, ended March 29, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your very best!!!! Tons of points! by God is my reality.
1450 points, ends November 24, 195 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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So much emotion in this piece. I liekd how you told the story, and how you encorportated the son as the main part, then ended this peice with the picture thing. Very nice. This was really well written, a horrible sad tale, but you ahve told it so wonderfully. Thank you for sharing. And good luck in my contest.
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Well written poem, great argument against the death penalty.
I see a discrepancy here:
" Blind fold on my eyes, I cannot see around;...
(as I look down upon the room I see my sons face pressed upon the glass and can hear him say "I still love you dad" as his picture falls from my hand to the ground.)"
Perhaps you want to amend this somehow.
Also, is his torso strapped to the chair? or his legs? Should they be?
If you haven't already, you might want to research what happens.
Aso, a great person on this is Sister Helen Prejean (not sure of spelling).
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Gosh. That was an intense read. I love the ending, it gave me goosebumps. Wow, I don't even know what else to say, I'm stunned.
Keep on writing!
Annie
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Wow. I liked that one. So emotional.
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You don't have to be on death row to hear the sounds of the slammer. They'll always come for you...somehow you keep them away. -c
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Wow.. this was deeply powerful & filled with emotion. Best of luck & thanks for entering
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This one certainly plays on the heart strings. Good job. Thanks for entering. Shancy.
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This is really incredible.
I loved it.
It sent chills up my spine and I couldn't stop reading.
It's absolutely beautiful, and I love how it's based on a true event, and from his perspective, even.
Good job! I don't have enough points to give you three little clapping things, but I would if I did. xD
Damn contest.
Best of luck!
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this is so sad. This happens a lot; more than we like to think. Someone should re-think the death penalty since there is no turning back once a person is dead. It is revenge ... but there are two sides also and someone needs to speak for the victims. It's hard to decide and I guess I'm wishy washy. Anyway, your write is filled with depth of emotion. Thank you for entering
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that was really just amazing...
great, great, great, meaningful poem!
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Hi Gary
Liked this! Not everyone condemned to death is going to be a poet, so I like that you kept him in character.
Tell me, did you leave the last word out on purpose!
Regards,
John
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This is such a sad, heart wrenching and aggravating poem. I love how you delivered this so straight forward it hit the reader like a brick of walls. This was an amazing write.
Thanks for entering! -
This si truly an excellent poem mad eeven more poignant because it tells a true story, love the construction of this very ssuperb write good luck in the contest littlefishone
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This is a sapd poem with a lot of truth. But noone can trake away love ro its memories They will go with you to the grave even despite a wronged death.
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I have to admit, I too, teared up. Impressive in story, emotional beyond ordinary bounds, Based on a true account? I wonder ...in reality, how many times this has occured. My guess, is many ...many times. Our system of Justice is very misguided at times. Awesome display of the human condition from the perspective of a man on death row and his son who is so very sorry to see him go.
take care and your a finalist.
~pithyAplomb. -
oh my god! that actually made me cry! at first i thought it was a bit dull but the more i read on i just became sucked in and ... wow i couldnt stop reading and when i got to your author notes, i was stunned! that is so sad! did you have some personal involvement in this? i mean wow.... thank you so much for entering T_T
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well I was not expecting this and see what I mean you have a story in every poem which is probably why I love to read them. This is awesome so sad but a very good poem.
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its amazing i serisouly almost cried! great job. your really talented!!!
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Wow this poem has won more awards then all of mine combined. It's easy to see why. Wonderful rhyme.
Joe
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The best I've read yet! Brilliant! 10!
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This is an amazing write. you displayed such talent. It it quite clear whhy you have earned soo many trophies.
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pretty engaging, i didn't like the juvenille feel of the AABB rhyme scheme but still a well told story. the line about "he really loved birds" sounded awkward and out of place to me, too forced.
-cassidy
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wow
this is such a great write such intense feelings i love it...and the ending is so sad ..this piece deff plays with ur emotions for real..and I am glad that I changed the rule to allow such a great write...keep up the good work best of luck in the contest...
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Quite an interesting poem. Definently has a good topic along with rhyme. It was easy to read and has a great presentation. Quite a strong read. I liked it. Good Luck ~peaec
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Compelling
I love the innocence in the beginning, and then slowly the reality of death row is inevitable..and it is a shame...really good. Thanks for sharing.
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Well, we know ...
that this sort of thing happens far more often than it should. It's not a perfect world.
I agree that the rhyming is very amateurish, but the story is still poignant and powerful. I rather doubt they would allow a condemned person to take a picture of anyone into the death chamber, so that didn't seem to ring true to me. Other than that, you've got a fairly coherent tale that actually engages the reader clear to the end.
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wow it started slowly with very little imagery but it told an amazing story that hooked me in thanks for your entry good luck
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The rhyming could use a little revising, i think, but that comes from someone who almost never rhymes. I really like this poem, because it really caught my emotions in it, I almost started to cry. The only part that i would look at is the last line "A click from behind, I hear not a"
I don't know, I hate leaving things off like that. It defineatly creating a tense feeling at the end if that was what you were going for.Anyways, good job, and good luck.
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wow..this was an intersting and heartfelt poem for me to read..i loved it..at the beggining i was kind of lost and didn't get it much..overall though i loved it =) my favorite lines were
He told me things he's done, and that he really loved birds.
Then his eyes would tear up, as I would try to explain,
That he'd have to continue alone, and carry on our family name.
Half past one, just thirty minutes to go,
I'll take my last walk, down the halls of death row.
My last final minutes, I sit here and cry,
Thinking of my life, and how quick it's gone by.
Good Job!! =D
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great write
wow really sad but i did really enjoy it good job.
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Wow! I'm stunned to speechlessness! Thank you for bringing this problem out in the open. It's real. And it is destroying innocent lives.
wow.
Kelly
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This is an incredible poem. I think that you have written a very powerful argument that the death penalty should be issued very sparingly.
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Oh this is powerful. Beautifully written and a tough subject. Our world is so full of injustice.
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A sad write.
This is a very sad write. It goes to show that sometimes the thing we thought we knew was not the truth. You did pen a most powerful write here. One to haunt and make you think. -
Wow. Powerfully moving. The rhyme is great, and the pacing moves you right along, tense and dreading whats next- exactly how it might feel to walk down that hall. Amazing job!!
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My heart broke into a thousand pieces just now!
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When reading this remembered I had commented on it once before a while ago. Such a sad state of affairs this is. Innocent but dead.
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Wow! I just... I dont even know how to comment to this or what to say.It's something that I honestly think happens quite often, and you've done an amazing job with this!! Thank you for your entry
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Holy crap what an amazingly told story! There is such immense sadness, I can't even imagine...and to be innocent on top of that, what a enormous and tragic mistake (which doesn't even seem to be significant enough of a word!) by society...
I could certainly go on and on..this is truly amazing..really expressing those feelings that he felt when he knew he was going to die...so, so sad.
♥
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This is really great kinda reminds me of the song Cats in the cradle by Harry Chappin Carpenter. But this is much deeper in the sense that The person is imprisoned. Ahhh and to be killed innocent thats horrible. Excellent flow and rhyme. Thank you for entering I wish you the best of luck in my contest
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WOW
That was absolutly amazing. I loved the end. What you did was very unexpected and brilliant. This was a total tear jerker. Deffinatly shows some serious emotion. Your rhyme pattern was really old school but it was great. I think it actually added to the over all effect of the story. Great job and good luck!
Keep writting great things.
~EnJeru~ -
holy cow! how tragic that it's based on a true story.
you've done well with this. your rhyme is comfortable. you've given the reader a physical picture as well as an emotional idea of where this guy's head is at.
thank you for entering and good luck
i can see why this has won so mnay trophies. congrats on that
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I actualy did start crying as I read this. I kept waiting for John to start talking about whatever awful crime it was he commited that landed him on death row. Having the word 'Sound' missing in the end was brillant. It made me think at first "wait! theres a typo somthing is missing!" then I realised just as quickly it was the life of the character gone.
Was this poem really written about a real man? One who was really realised innocent two hours to late? Or was it meant to speak out metaphoricly for those innocent who have met this fate?
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Another poem you have entered into this contest that goes straight to the emotional string of the reader.
Death sentence is quite sad actually, especially when you come around situations like this...
Thanks for the entry!
Leander -
Wow i almost cryed at this one. It is jsut so amazing and the rhymes are really good my favorite part was:
My room is small, just a six by eight,
No window to look out, just a big iron gate.
On each of three sides, stands a cold concrete wall;
Where I keep a picture of my son, when he learned to crawl.
But that is only because it sets everything up so good... AMAZING JOB
GOOD LUCK ON THE CONTEST but you don't need it
De-Throne -
wow just wow
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Oh my god... this was
brilliant...
especially the end when it didn't include "sound"....
....wow.
Thanks for sharing & entering your write in A N Y T H I N G ~ G O E S ! Good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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HOLY FREAKING SHIT!
Sorry, excuse my language but jeez! This one took me by surprise.
A true story, I assume?
Amazingly well written, perfect rhyme and diction. I am definitely impressed (creeped out, chilled to the bone, but impressed).
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Wow
This was an amazing poem. And that's so sad that John was actually innocent. Great write here, please continue with your gift.
Lysander
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This was a gr8 emotion write, well written and expressed.Thanks for entering
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I enjoyed this poem very much! It was very touching =]
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Wow!!
This is one of the best poems I have read so far. Amazing. Very powerfull! Thank you so much for entering and good luck!
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I very much like the changes you decided to make! The ending, now told from his perspective, works much better IMO. It goes from “poem” to “prose” and I rather like that, whereas before it was almost like an extra commentary from an outside source. The minor issue of past and present tense words being cleared up makes for a good consistency throughout, even improves the flow.
Thank you so much for sending me a follow-up link, and I hope you are happy with the tweaking you did.
~J.
P.S. Contest is over, so I can even leave applause now.
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I apologize in advance for my short comment although it length has nothing to do with the beauty in this write I assure you.
This hits a little too close to my heart and my home so is difficulty for me to comment on.
All I can really say is what the other readers have said... you have touched my heart and provoked many feelings.
This is THE most amazing poem I have read, not one of the but The one.
Excellent write in it's message as well as it's rhythm and form.
Thank you...
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damn.. that is so beautiful, and so sad it almost made me cry. i hate any and all kinds of injustices and this one.. the comment.. damn, ... did this really happen? that is so..tragic.deep.and so UNFAIR!!!!
aaah.. its perfectly what it should have been and i love the rhyme.thank you so much
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awesome poem and and very creative, I really enjoyed reading it and what a tragic story.
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Wow, this is really good! I loved it , it kept me reading on and on, wanting to know what was next to come. Well done...wonderful in fact..thanks for sharing
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intense
I like your very ordinary, very real imagery. You capture what a condemned man would think of quite well. -
I got a chill as I was reading... I had read the authors notes first so knew it was about wrongful execution.. and that made me feel very sad reading it.
Great flow to it... I really liked it... especially the end with the blank for no sound.
Well done!
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Wow.
That's really really really sad... It reminded me of some things i saw in a movie once. Almost made me cry
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No
I've debated with myself over this one...the theme is approached from a different perspective than I've usually seen, but like Jim I see a lot of problems with the point of view at the same time. The ending was especially awkward, though it hits me in the stomach with how sad it all is.
Thanks so much for your entry and the opportunity to read this.
Best wishes,
~J. -
Yes~
Touching poem
Sorry that Jim said no, but I agree with many of his points, especially the POV -
No
My feeling is that it is too sentimental. It was also awkward telling the story from the voice of the man to be exicuted. Perhaps you could try telling it from the voice of the son or a guard who is witte=nessing the event.
There are also a lot of problems with meter.
Thanks for the entry. -
Yes ~
Most stirring entry thus far in the POY contest ~
Not a very poetic verse, but most definately one of the best *writes* I have read today, as you have jarred me from my comfort zone ~
I hope to keep up with your work Poet,
Bear ~
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this is so sad but excellent i am crying right now
oh my gosh this is so sad....
"The seat is hard, against my tensed back,
Restraints on my wrist, there is no slack.
Blind fold on my eyes, I can't see around;
A click from behind, I hear not a
(as his son watches the picture fall to the ground, with his
small hand on the glass he whispers "I still love you dad".)"
this line seems to say it the most so heart felt
keep on writing my friend
Stevie
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Thank you so much for your comment on "My Name Is John" and I'm so pleased that you liked it. I have another I think you many enjoy called "A Daughters Return" http://allpoetry.com/poem/1806116 and hopefully after this one you'll want to read more of my work. Hope to hear from you soon and thanks again. Gary
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Congrats on the gold trophy. This is probably worst case scenario EVER! Being charged and punished (by death no less) for a crime you didn't commit. This was so very emotional and sad. I personally enjoyed the bitter truth you wrote about. Is it real?
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wow! i loved this piece even before i realised it was a true story. my husband is in jail atm and im going next year but thank the Goddess not for death row. this poem really hits hard. particularly the first two verses as they hit too close to home for me. im not even allowed to see my husband as im on parole and it will be the same when i go in... two months before he gets out. a very well deserved gold.
hugs,
georgie,
xxx -
Very thought provoking
after reading the authors' comments I realize the falicies in our justice system. This is a testament to why capital punishment should be abolished. I would rather 1,000,000 guitly get away with it than to see one innocent person be put to death. This should be send to all our state reps and to congress and all the way to the blood thursty Bush Family.
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Beutifully sad
Thank you for recommending this poem to me. Wow, I am speechless. My tears started with the first line. Hopefully the ending to my brothers story will be different, more attention should be given to the wrongs of our justice system, especially the military justice system which varies quite differently than the civilians know.
Thank you again I am adding you as a favorite if you don't mind. Once again thank you, I leave in awe of you.
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this brought me to edge of tears. amazing write. story that needed to be told.
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This poem with the author's note is powerful evidence why capital punishment is wrong. Though parts of this write are a bit awkward (last final minutes, suggest final few minutes instead) You get us into the condemned man's head, which makes this a powerful, successful piece.
Congrats on winning the Gold.
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Omigod, what a piece!
I felt the tears building and the hugest lump formed in my throat...
I'm left speechless
All I can do is thank you for sharing this with me..wow -
how do you explain that to a boy...that his father died for no reason...though the law can be fair at time..others it can not..and at times it takes away things that can never be given back..
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This was powerful REALLY I thought it was great
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so powerful/so close to home
my son is on death-row. and i guess the only thing that would be worst, than being there yourself, (innocent or guilty) is to have a son there. but he's strong for me. i don't know how i will ever get through it, or even if i will. they will kill two people on that day!!! but we will see each other in Heaven. probably meet up, UP THERE, about the same time... i don't know who wrote this, or even if it is really true, but if it is, then i feel sorry for this mans mom. because every mom loves their boy. no matter what they do. we still love them. love GYPSYfish
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God bless you ~
.....and yes, you will see your Boy in heaven......God has mercy which we can not explain ~
Bear ~
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Excellent
This is a GREAT but at the same time a sad poem. I have applauded you once. -
This is absolutely amazing!
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wow
i really don't know what to say to this poem. It is a really great poem.... very unexpected, but very great....
~Kitty~ -
You were so right about this poem. I am totally hooked on your poetry! You are such a good writer and you have an amazing talent with making people feel the way you want them to...if you know what I mean. I will read your other poem that you suggested. I'm sure it will be as good as this one, and the Daughters Return one too. This was sooo sad, and I can hardly believe what the family would be going through. WOW! Such an amazing write. Thank you so much!!
~FOO -
the story is beautiful, and sad.
although, poetically, it feels like a rowboat.
the lines are constant up and down, the ending rhymes feel forced and out of place. the rhythym keeps the poem flowing, but the content and words don't flow so nicely.
this poem sounds like a hallmark card, sentimental with just a touch of cheese.
the words you chose are ordinary, regular words in the english language.
i see you have quite some talent, but i'd rather see you write about your own experience, and maybe free-form?
thanks for entering
write on -
awesome
Yea congrats I didn't read the other poetry lol but I see why you won. Just wow you should get this like..published or something.It flows so well and everything and its so sad
I like the idea of putting true-life in a poem. Makes it more interesting. Good job your a really talented poet.
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Merry meet,
Congratulaltions on winning the Gold. It really isn't a surprise that you won with a poem such as this. The insanity of real life will triumph over fiction every time. Congratulations again.
Amythest -
beautiful sad
oh my gosh...this is so sad!!!! i want to cry. That was so unfair! i feel so bad! this is so great congrats in the contest. -
This is a tragic fact but a real one, and yes it happens far to often. So sad to read. You really allow the readers to feel the pain of it all. What a great job you have done with this one. Loven
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I am in no way surprised that you won Gold after reading your piece. I would say this is exceptional, Absolutely breath-taking. You take your reader on an emotional roller-coaster from start to finish, Dragging every conceivable emotion from your reader but the key which I think makes this poem stand out is that you don't overwhelm your reader. I love the Stunning imagery you employ throughout. O think this is brilliant. Congradulations on your Gold but I think this poem deserves so much more. I think you are truly gifted. Well done and keep up the good work
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OH MY FUCKING GOD!! I AM SPEACHLESS... I MEAN WHAT CAN I SAY? YOU SAID IT ALL! YOU ARE ON OF THE BEST WRITERS... I SWEAR MAN, I LIKED IT SO MUCH... THAT I'M TYPING THIS WHOLE COMMENT IN CAPITALS... I SWEAR I WOULD APPLAUD YOU WAY, WAY MORE THAN ONCE IF I COULD!!! YOU WERE JUST THAT GOOD! I'M, FOR SURE, GOING TO KEEP READING YOUR STUFF, AND LET YOUR DREAMS AND WRITINGS CARRY YOU FAR AND WIDE, I KNOW THEY WILL...
SEE YA LATER!
-ANGEL- -
Awesome write
I am speechless and in awe. What a beautiful, emotional write. Good flow and imagery. How very painful to read this and know this man gave his life for a crime someone else committed. I hope his son is well cared for. -
fighting back tears
damn...... i honestly dont know what to say about this poem...... im actually fighting back tears. that was a wonderful write and you deserve 1st place in this contest cogratulations.
Andrew -
Wow.
I..
wow.
just, wow. -
wow...! this is a lovely poem... managed to read it without tears blurrin' my vision... can't wait to read the next ones... for my own happiness im gonna pretend that this was fiction k...
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Wow, this is another great one Gary! A very sad but all too true situation that unfortunately happens every day in the world. You have quite a talent and imagination. Thanks for sharing this with me!
Jeremy -
thank you for telling me about this poem. It really is well written. you send the reader in this trip of this moment....last minutes of someone's life. someone who was proven innocent.
This really makes one think about capital punishment. I can't even imagine how much this would devistate the family, especially when finding out that it was all a mistake...
What kind of mistake is that. It's not like.....OOOPPSSS, a boo-boo. It's a serious matter dealing with one's life, and that person's family. Also the society in a way... how many people had the same fate and they are actually innocent (that we know of, and plus those that we are not aware of....)
Again, thank you for letting me know about your work. It really is good.
Best wishes,
L$L -
oh my word, this was very sad, and so many memories yall had together, so sorry this happened, I am lost without words from this... very well put, keep up the awesome poetry...
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thanks for entering!!
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oh my god, that's deep. i'm glad you told me to check this one out and i'm glad that i did. i can see why it is so popular with the applauds. this is amazing and so true. it shows what an innocent man goes through in prison. a lot of people turn out to be innocent in the end and John's story is one of many. it's so sad that he seen his little boy and his boy had tears in his eyes and said he missed him and all....then he gets sentenced to death only to find out that he was innocent all along. truly this is touching and you did a great job writing it. good luck in that contest.
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Now this poem I really really really liked!!!! It was so touching, moving and so much more. I cant even begin to describe how much I liked it!!! Great Job all around!!!!
Meagan -
i cried when i read this. i think this is my favorite of your poems that i have read so far. i think you are such an incredible writer. i will definitely be telling other people about your work. have you ever thought of publishing your writings? i think you should. i know i would buy your book . this poem is so sad, but i like how you ended the poem with the son telling his dad that he still loved him. that is the part that made me cry the most. i think you did an absolutely wonderful job on this. i am adding this to my favorites. i would double applaud this if i knew how.
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