My eyes now light upon an oystercatcher
in its jav’lin flight low over the grey waves
as dawn touches this beach, wind whips stings of sand
I narrow my eyes.
Sun struggling over the horizon; surf-noise
and the bird’s piping call are the only sounds.
My gaze follows the flight straight and swift until
the little spark fades.
Bird, can you fly the seas to the west of us?
Can you make that journey flat against the wind,
the dawn at your back, to be there and to call
my dear heart to wake?
Steer by the lighthouse at Assateague, and then
just a little north to Chincoteague whose name
means beautiful, whose beauty is made greater
by my love’s presence.
Can your cry start the ponies and Sika deer?
Can you dodge the merlin and the peregrine
to lay your cry upon my own darling’s ear,
as the sun rises?
If not, dear bird, if you cannot make that flight,
what chance do my own cries have as I stand here?
My tears make little difference to the great sea,
my own heart, broken.
[c] 2005
Author notes
Written February 4th, 2006
In a list
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Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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I love the sad ending here. Just a lovely Sapphic.
K
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I think it is one of my better ones. Thank you.
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Ok, now I see what we have to do.
11-11-11-5 unrhymed. Pretty straight forward. Damn good think we dont have to use the meter cause I suck at it.
Scott
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That's not precisely what you have to do, Scott. It's just the framework to hang it on.
Ideally, the whole poem should have an identifiable theme (love works wonderfully). Each stanza lends itself to containing a single, developing idea; each of the 11-syllable lines takes a breath to say, should be able to stand on its own without further punctuation, and any enjambment should be subtle. The final 5-syllable line may have a stronger link to the preceding line, but should still be self-contained. As I said, it lends itself to the theme of love.
Meter should be a natural rhythm of speech.
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Well, I'm not sure that you know it, but in a rounds contest challenge we are required to use this form. The given prompt does not lend itself to love in my opinion so that might be hard to do.
You say we do NOT have to use any particular meter, is that correct?
I want to do it right since I have to write one.
After reading your article I was just confused but that is nothing new.
I get the 11/11/11/5 thing I write in 11 all the time(usually when it's supposed to be 10)
When you say there is a "Grammatical tie" from L3 to the short L4, what exactly do you mean? I just parked myself on this one and am studying it and I'll be damned if I can figure out what you mean. 
Unless you mean the "subtle" enjambment which you mentioned, because all of them could easily be moved right up into the 3rd line. I just want to understand the structure of the form itself fully before having to add the requirements of the round into it.
In a fifteen round contest this is round three
a new form and three devices required
I'm racking my brains just so I understand
how to do it right.
How's that?
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Actually that's pretty good. I think you have it. The idea is for there to be three long breaths and a short one, and to make the language flow as naturally as possible. If you have that in mind you won't go far wrong.
(Also I don't set a hard-and-fast rule about punctuation - again, let that come naturally - but the more I wrote these the more I found that the lines themselves tended to provide a natural punctuation.) -
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Cool, I may as well find out from the source.
Firsthand is so much better.
I inadvertently developed a form myself, I would be honored if you looked at it and would write one to link to the column.
So far it seems pretty damn versatile.
http://allpoetry.com/column/show/2355289
Scott
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Just about to log out, Scott. I'll have to come back to it later.
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As only you can write. Thank you for the direction here. It is lovely.
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Smiles...Ah yes i see more than just Buddy knows of this. Beautiful
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Someone once described being awake at 2am, in a garden, on Chincoteague, in real time - there were deer in the garden, a few paces away, standing and watching her. It was a very poignant thing, for many reasons, and still impresses itself very hard on my emotions.
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Reading your column, led me here, and what a fantastic poem indeed, my friend, this poem would lend it self very readily to the mythology of Halcione and Cyx.
This form, a great tribute to Sapho. Well done, briliant Imagery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Thank you, Tirrell. Sorry it tok me so long to reply. I am glad you like this one. It is one of my very earliest loose sapphics, and one of my best-regarded. The only doubt I have is the rather contrived "jav'lin". I should have said "arrow".
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I am directed here after reading your column on “Sapphic” and “Loose Sapphic” forms. I found this to be a pure delight to read and also checking the trochees and dactyls in an attempt to learn to recognize them. This is wonderful and you have opened a new door in my poetic life. Thank you.
Love,
Amera ♥
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You are entirely welcome. I have a contest running for this form right now, by the way.
I wouldn't try counting trochees and dactyls with any of mine, because if they are there it is by accident only. I wrote all of these before anyone had introduced me to the pure, classical Sapphic. An artist friend of mine wanted to do a painting based on this poem, by the way. I'm glad you like it too.
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You certainly are!
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This is another great piece.wow...I'm really doing great tonight.
Shahrzad -
It means "fine" or "grand".
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I may be Irish, and understand most of your colloquialisms, but I cant recall coming across 'braw' before ... ?? -
Och that'll be jist braw, hen!
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.:.Thumbs up.:.
I'll add you to my favourites then
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It's structure is 11-11-11-5 unrhymed. Much as I love this poem I have to admit that I have punctuated it in such a way as might spoil the rhythm a little. But nevertheless it was an honest work, and expressed precisely what I felt at the time. I have written many in this form, and I am sure I will post several on the site during the forthcoming weeks, if you would like to see more.
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I haven't come across that form before - possibly as I have the most horrific results when I try to write in form poetry .. But I would love to read more along this line because this just captured my imagination completely and I was left wanting more more more ...
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Thank you very much for the appreciative comments - och Jings an' Crivvens, this is the first time I have been compared to Plath and Heaney! This is a very personal poem, and one of which I am particularly proud. Yes, the sun when it fights with a layer of sea-fret or haar does struggle to rise some days. I wrote this in the Sapphic verse form, which is pure rhythm and a form that I adore to use.
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This is by far and away my favourite of your poetry that I have read so far ... The directions and places named firstly make them come alive, and then the beautiful descriptions ...
'Sun struggling over the horizon' - I've never heard it described like that, but jays, it works a treat and I have the most gorgeous image of it in my mind.
This poem reminded me of the 'old style' poetry that you see my authos of long ago, and not-so-long ago like Seamus Heaney, or Sylvia Plath ...
Loved this! Absolutely excellent! *clap*
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