I think about you daily.
I cry when I remember.
I miss you so much...
Sometimes I feel
it should have been me.
But it wasn't.
I hide behind these masks
in hope no one can see.
Try to be invisible for one more day.
I can feel their looks.
They can see my pain.
They see the tears building up.
They see that I can't scream
no matter how hard I try.
The door starts to open,
but I close it.
Nobody can enter
into my little bubble.
I don't care how hard they try.
I'm to broken and want to be alone.
I don't want them to see
what I've become.
It's not because of you.
It's because of guilt
that it should've been me.
Why am I here?
What could I have done?
What use is there for me?
I can feel their eyes
watching every wrong move I make
and feel their hearts breaking.
How can I change?
How can my heart mend?
How can I start over again?
Author notes
<3Went through a tuff time after losing you, Lindsey.. My life is now to be what you were-an awesome woman of God. That's why I'm here-to show God's love.. I miss you and love you!!! No matter what, I WONT give up!! Thanks for the challenge you've given me.. I'll see you over there-dancing with the angels... <3
Written February 4th, 2006
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I am so, so sorry for your loss.
Although it's old, I can relate to it... you wrote it on the same day of my own friend's funeral... :/
-Cristina -
i feel for u in times of depression and sadness...it touched my heart, hope things get better
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We all can get lost in our pain, but we personally have to take a step to get out of that. Hurting is hard.. But u cant just stay in the pain and sulk around in it. Do you know how hard it was for me to get over the fact that if I wouldve left 2 minutes previously that day, that she would still be here?? It was HARD AS HELL! But I had to realize God can turn any situation into something good that will glorify Him.. And to be quite honest, some days i just feel like poo and have mental pictures over and over of what happened.. The red car.. smashed.. seeing the jaws of life save her brother.. seeing the truck and the guy complaining about his leg as someone else was dead.. Realizing that was someone I had grown to love.. seeing the firemen and paremedics stand around while i didnt know if she was alive and them acting as nothing had happened and that someone wasnt in the car.. Hearing the words telling me she didnt make it.. Do u know how hard it is for me to even type that? I know you've gone thru alot, but God can be there.. He's been there for me everyday, but sometimes i refuse to see that or allow Him to really work in me. Don't give up when u go through pain.. and realize others can be hurting too..
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Tonya...I seem to have forgotten that others can get lost in their pain, too. I'm sorry...
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Such a sincere and genuine poem. It's admirable to be carrying that level of transparency. Thanks for sharing and God bless!
-John -
this touches my heart....Lost my grandma a few years ago, we were really really close, and it is still very painful for me even though it's been a while. THis is a beautiful poem. God Bless!!
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Hey babe it's Gaddy, obviously. I hope you feel better and hope you are having fun may you and Dean have a long and fruitful relationship. -Damien
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It's not easy to start over. You will never forget your loss. But, you can move on, no matter how hard it may seem at first.
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