why do my eyes darken, like a soul in the darkness
whenever your near, my mind a depressed mess
I cannot shed a tear, for fear, ill never rest
how can a tear , refreshing my eyes , cause so much distress
why should i do anothers chore, so they can get some rest
i no if i dont do it right, fresh pain lay heavy on my chest
why do i have to speak lies, untrue by all but you
why dumb myself down , enjoyment comes to your face
my distorted soul a fragment left to be distroyed the next day
Author notes
this has no dedication because many can relate
Written February 3rd, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I like this for some reason I do.
I don't know why I do but I think you did a really good job!
I think you're a wonderful writer!
Hm. Anyways they always tell us to say if we found anything wrong or that should be changed. Well I didn't find anything so yeah.
Hm anyways you can come by my site anytime you like and check out some of my things. Just keep up the great work!
Wonderfully done!
x♥XFallenX♥x -
this was a good write
in the beginning the rhyming was a little too forced
I cannot shed a tear, for fear, ill never rest
how can a tear , refreshing my eyes , cause so much distress
these too lines are what im talking about
but it was powerful
good luck with yuor writing
with love
stef
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Good thought provoking pain ladened poem hon... very emotional and evocative in its simplicity.
There is one error on this poem that you might care to know about...
i no if i dont do it right
the "no" should be "know" that way it fits better with the phraseology. other than that.. this is a very excellent piece of work.. Congrats -
It is really a heartfelt peom revealing the story of the sentiments which are estmated through the flow of the muse here in this write through and through touching the arena of the philosophy of the life too.The flow of the write is very impressive and just to the point too.I really appreciate this work.prabhudayal khattar
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I am not really clear on the subject of this one. Rhymes are pretty tight though. I guess it is just you finally getting insight on a situation? I could be wrong though.
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i liked it...probably 'coz that's how i feel most of the time. it's differant than most of the work i read, but still worth my time. keep up the good work!!!
much <3
me -
very good
Nice touch of feelings.
I liked your poem.I got nice imagery as
"why should i do anothers chore, so they can get some rest
i no if i dont do it right, fresh pain lay heavy on my chest
" in your poem.Good flow.
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