Wind chimes’ melody
door bangs a night-time alarm
rain following breeze
Bed-sheets growing cold
one head-shape on our pillow
tears and memory
Each morning younger
bird-song sleeping till later
dim shapes lingering
My morning sun’s kiss
warms both breasts and womanhood’s
flow of old feelings
Naked by curtains
half hidden in grey shadow
misted hazel eyes
Caressing nipples
gooseflesh raised by fingernails
name formed on cool lips
[c] 2005
Author notes
Written February 3rd, 2006
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1 - 17 of 17
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this is such a beautiful haiku! I love autumn and this poem portrays it well. I'm adding it to my favorites =]
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breathtaking
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{smiling}
Thank you. I think what I have here is a themed poem with 5-7-5 stanzas, and not a real haiku set. But it's what I was writing at the time.
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Your haiku... so like you!
Beautiful writing from over one year ago! Coming to visit your elegant words, dear one. 
love*
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Thank you, Merc. I have neglected haiku a little of late. Maybe I shall return to the form.
Edited on Jun 10, 2:42 p.m. because ''. -
delightful
Delightful. Sort of like a haiku garland calligraphically penned by a Geisha in the teahouse of the Autumn moon or something, in that you've lent a certainly sensuality and eroticism to the strict formaility of the typical male-dominated haiku.
Mercury Rising -
A beautiful string of Haiku. Vivid imagery. Delightfully sensual. Well crafted and a most enjoyable read.
ShelleyA -
I could spend hours here! I will seek them out.
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i bow to you too...
i thought most ppl on this site were far too flattering, so your comment surprises me, lol.
there are good haijin here - the ones i know are busho, charisma, emerald13, andrewhide, wordlover (r.i.p.), haikumonk, mikerehling (doesn't post any more)...& others i can't remember right now... -
myron, I am flattered and gratified by your comments. I have in fact only been writing haiku since spring of 2005, so to be called "an accomplished haijin" is praise indeed. If anything I have a convert's zeal. I usually tend to write groups of 5,6, or 7 linked haiku (as I consider this set to be). I have some more sets already in my collection, but as I realise that eyes here are highly critical, I may simply try writing some more based on what I have learned since I have been interacting with the haijin on this site.
By the way, I have a 3-liner scheduled to appear in the August 2006 issue of "Time Haiku" magazine, and a 5-verse set due for issue 35 or 36 of "Quantum Leap" magazine.
*bows politely to elder brother*
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lovely
these read as haiku to me because they are based in 'sense' images. i like the soft sensual nature of them.
this one is my favourite:
Naked by curtains
half hidden in grey shadow
misted hazel eyes
i love the contgrast here between the full nakedness & the half-hidden form in misted eyes. brilliant!
i can recognize that you are an accomplished haijin. and i enjoyed reading these.
some of them do seem to strain a little to fill out the 17 syllable requirement, but i admire the discipline in your quest to do this.
all the best with your haiku,
myron.
* i'd like to read more of your haiku, so i'll add you to my favourites.
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Thank you very much.
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beautiful write....in creative words..enriches our imagination too..
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Thank you very much indeed Lomhar.
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Beautiful!
Personally speaking...Haiku or not these are simply beautiful! -
Each three lines of this exist as a separate haiku. They are presented as a set because there is ... hmmm ... not quite a common theme, but if I say "common theme" that is about as close as I will get as an off-the-cuff choice of words. Each three-liner selects simple sensory images to convey the mood of an instant; as such that is haiku pure and simple. You can take any of these haiku and set it on its own - in fact feel free to do so, or to re-arrange the whole - I think you might revise your opinion. Haiku is so much more than a 5-7-5 arrangement, and no one is more aware of that then I am. "My" and "Our" are your own interpolations, and are not found in these haiku. However, where I agree I have departed is in the use of the hint of eroticism ... but then these were originally written for a site where the erotic content is fairly high.
I am not against using the 5-7-5 form as a general poetic device, by the way. It's a handy structure.
Anyhow, many thanks for the overall verdict on literary merit.
Edited on Feb 03, 10:48 because 'I forgot to placate the Djinn of all keyboards'. -
Interesting set of haiku, I think I liked these as poems but not necessarilly as haiku. I'm pretty sure that haiku is supposed to be free from personal feelings and poetic devices- ironically the things I personally believe great poetry is made from. This used good use of language devices like alliteration and personal things such as 'my' and 'our' but I'm not sure if this disqualifies it from being good haiku. I think you stuck more to the western tradition of haiku being 5-7-5 than the eastern, true traditions of haiku for example being about nature and not having rich poetic devices of longer poems within them. Whilst this is fine, I think that it would have been better to go against the western traditions in favour of the eastern traditions, maybe making this shorter but more based on nature. Keep writing, I liked this- I don't think it's great haiku but I do think it's great poetry
All the best
Pozo
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