Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

And there She stood

And there She stood,
Stark
         naked
                     Luscious
          ah..!
Perfect


The rhythm of her,
Pulsating
           through
                       my Mind
           Beat after..
Smooth Beat..


Her face with eyes,
Wide
          like Pearls
                           Seductive
            Tempting..
So sinful..


Then her body,
Longing
              to be
                        held
              Golden
      Silken
Ah..


Her breasts so pure,
Flowers
          Blossoming
                            Erect
              ..oh God..!
Flawless…


Her stomach, smooth,
A
    slight
                groove
         eyes
Drawn…


Lower.. taunting.. lips part,
softly
         inhale
                    Moan!
           oh..
God..


Just remember to breathe..
Heat
          Rush
                    Tremble
           eyes
Flutter
Oh!
         God!
                     ah..!
          eyes
roll
          back..
                      Ecstasy..!


Author notes

Hey, I was actually trying to write this so that the reader could feel a beat of pulse weaving through the piece. I tried to create this impression by using a different structure. It starts of a bit slow then climaxes at the end just like sex is supposed to. Please tell me if you got any of this whilst reading, I'm just trying some techniques from school.. erotica isn't really my area

Anyway, all critiques would be much much much appreciated!!!!

Thanks for reading (and hopefully for critiqing )
Katherine
Written February 3rd, 2006

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

  • FireoftheNight
    February 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks heaps for your feedback. As I said I was just trying it on for style, I'm glad you liked it.

    Thankyou again,
    Katherine.

  • Black Swan Rose
    February 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I MUST SAY I COULD REALLY FEEL THIS, I WAS QUITE WAS TAKEN IN BY THE EMOTION THAT BUILD THROUGH OUT THIS WRITE . VERY SENSUAL AND SEXY. MAYBE YOU JUST FOUND A NEW NICHE. GOOD JOB!!
    Edited on Feb 03, 6:19 because ''.